I did it again...how many times *looks back over journal* have I steady been telling myself THOU SHALT NOT TOUCH strangers????? You would think that as I am a relatively intelligent 43 year old, I would learn, but NOOOOOO....here I am stuck in the wilds of Missouri- my friends and I go out to dinner, I stumbled at the salad bar (don't ask) and I caught myself from falling all over this guy sitting at a table by himself, by, of course, putting my hand on his shoulder...I thought that once I wasn't working in a bar for now, that some of this would shut the fuck up, but once again, NOOOOO....I don't know what crawled up that guy and died, but whatever it was, it was making him so abjectly miserable it radiated off him like shimmers on heated pavement...you know, that scooby-do effect you get off highways in the summer (for those of you NOT from the south, visualize). I wish I knew what to do to manage this "thing" I have...but whatever it was, was slowly eating this man up inside... and he was way too young to be oozing like that...he was a gentle stocky man (they do grow 'em big out in the plains states) and someone had just done him wrong. My guess would be a woman, but it is just a guess...he looked like he had just put in a hard day at work, and was staring an even harder night in the eye...I glanced down after I got my balance back, smiled at him, and told him scuse me darlin', didn't mean to smack into you like that...he just smiled a smile that creaked it was so unfamiliar, and said no problem ma'am...I hurt for people in that much pain
As of March 29th, I am now officially divorced. And my God have mercy on my soul
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