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Keep in mind, I am a SUBMISSIVE, a slave by nature, and in my heart. After many life changing events I am more aware and now have dominate tendencies but I am still a submissive. Now that that is out of the way, this conversation would have never happened 5 years ago. I was speaking freely to two Dominates that I love dearly. It was very hard yet unexpected. I was asked to express my thoughts.

Basically, in the lifestyle BDSM there are rules. There are strong commitments and bonds. But even a slave or submissive has rights, after all it is the slave or submissive that has the power to WILLINGLY give over the power to a Dominate to who they want to call Master. A Master, a Dominate is supposed to provide and take care of what is theirs. Contracts can be written up if needs be. Clear lines, boundaries and expectations are set in place. Safe words and so on. But all of that does not rule out common sense. BDSM is not just role play or fantasy so don't fool yourself.

If a Dom truly wants to provide for his sub but realistically cannot and the submissive sees that - the submissive must find a way to bring this up. In life - BDSM or not - we cannot live on hopes and wishes or depend on our hearts willingness. There has to be more. Love is not just enough sometimes. And there is really no one to blame. Those involved are adults. There needs to be substance...foundation.

Another unspoken rule is that kids trump everything, their safety there needs..... it doesn't matter how much someone loves you. If they make promises that they cannot keep...if you know that it is an unrealistic promise.....then no one is to blame for any hurt or wrong doing. Some things in life are out of your control even a Dom does not have control over EVERYTHING in life. It is possible to get lost in the lifestyle. Most adults think its best that there are no kids or that the kids better be full grown before they commit 200% to the lifestyle. It is your choice.

I choose to have the best of both worlds. I have two beautiful kids. I also have a Dom. But he is more than just that. We know how to separate the two worlds. Yes that takes so much sacrifice. But we are willing to do that. He knows my kids will always come first no matter what he says. But at the same time, he does have final say in all matters. Its a delicate line we walk. But if I feel at any time that what he demands of me will not benefit my kids or that his actions or lack of action will hurt my kids in any way...he allows me to speak freely and we fix it before its an issue. Which leads me to honesty.

You must be honest with yourself as well as those involved in the BDSM relationship (any relationships really). If you are married, make sure the spouse is 500% in agreement of any submissive or Dominate arrangements with another outside the marriage. Do not promise the world to your submissive or Dominate if the spouse will be an obstacle. And that goes for other family members too. Whether they understand the dynamics of the lifestyle or not - don't let them interfere. Its all about honesty and open communications.

Now I do know that there are some that practice a darker side to BDSM so to speak - Gorean. The rules there are completely different, more strict if you will. I understand them as well as I was trained by a Gorean Master. And if in that case the Master promises the world then he better be able to do it or things will just be set up for failure and self-shame. Though the slave will never say so or act on it - the bond and trust will be broken. Which leads to disobedience. And we do not want that. We want healthy BDSM relationships.



enough said I think.

COMMENTS

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SoftAngelicaWings
06:32 Jun 30 2016

nicely said i agree with everything

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