Matters Of Health And Ill Health00:36 Sep 14 2008
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This is the entry I was writing before my laptop crashed...
I'm starting to seriously worry about my health. The events of last night and today have given me cause for concern.
Late yesterday evening I developed some difficulty in breathing. Nothing major. Just breathing a little too fast. The air felt like it was being forced back out of my lungs every time I inhaled.
In between trying to breath normally, I had to attempt to breath altogether. I kept having coughing fits. Unfortunately this wasn't normal coughing. I was bringing up small amounts of blood. Not in serious quantities but, as Damien pointed out, coughing up blood is never a good sign.
I'm hoping it was just a small cut in my throat or the remainder of an unnoticed nosebleed causing the presence of the blood. I did not want to think about any more serious possibilities.
I also blacked out after one bad coughing fit. Normally my black outs are caused by stress but there wasn't any more pressure on me than normal last night. Anyone else would go to hospital if they blacked out while coughing up blood but I'm too afraid of hospitals...
Somewhere between one and two in the morning, I fell asleep while Damien was still gaming. Sleeping seemed to ease the constriction in my chest and I breathed normally. My dreams were strange but not any more odd than usual.
I woke up when Aph came down. I think it was around three by that stage, maybe a little later. Avalon joined us a while later and then CaptainLucy came in to join the chat as well. I gave up trying to sleep at that point.
Some time later Avalon and CaptainLucy departed with plans to sleep. Tiredness and a nine o'clock start made me choose that plan as well but it would seem that a night of undisturbed sleep was not for me.
I haven't spoken to Aph and Damien properly since this stuff happened. I really need to so I can figure out what was happening externally.
I fell asleep and dreamt a strange dream. We'd been talking earlier about negative energies and entities within the house so I'm assuming that gave rise to the dream. It didn't feel like a normal dream though.
I felt really light and when I opened my eyes I was hovering next to the bed looking down at my body. There was a strange electric blue glow between me and my sleeping self, not really a light, more a suggestion of light.
I turned away from my body and drifted through the house, passing straight thought closed doors. I wasn't walked as much as floated a few inches above the floor. It was an odd but not unpleasant feeling. However, things would soon turn unpleasant.
I was drawn to the kitchen. When I entered there was an old woman standing there looking into a drawer. I could see the real drawer closed but there was an open drawer, an ethereal one for want of a better word, right in front of it. She suddenly turned toward me and I saw malice embodied.
She had lank white-grey and wild eyes. A name came to me. Aida. She stared into my soul and I looked back into hers. She didn't want us there. Any of us. She snarled at me and I realised there was a knife in her left hand. Then her snarl became a twisted smile and she raced past me fast than I would have thought possible.
She was at the top of the first flight of stairs before I reached the bottom. Instinct drew my back to my own sleeping body. She looked at each of the people in the room and stepped towards my body. I shouted at her to keep away and I thought she was listening but she turned her attention to my friends.
She stroked the blade of the knife and her lips were set in the same twisted smile as before. She wanted to hurt them. I screamed at her to leave them alone and watched out of the corner of my eye as they tried to wake my sleeping self, shaking me at first and then dripping water on my face.
Aph went for the water and I saw Aida go after her. I called for her to stop, to leave my friend alone. They both returned and I rushed at Aida as she started to raise her blade. We struggled as my friends tried to wake me. She was surprisingly strong. Then she stabbed me.
The blade tore into the left hand side of my abdomen, at the same point where I've been experiencing a stabbing pain for weeks. I felt myself falling and crashed back into my body. Damien and Aph succeeded in waking me but I think I was less than coherent at first.
I started to explain what had happened and discovered that they had been shaking me and that Aph had gone to get water to splash on my face. Then I realised how crazy I sounded. Leaving my body and interacting with a ghost? Insane.
Trying to forget it all and relax, I soon fell asleep again. It hadn't been a pleasant experience. Even though I'm sure it was just my brain creating random and frightening chaos, I didn't want to repeat the experience. In a way, I didn't. Unfortunately there was worse to come.
I felt the same sensation of being 'light' and opened my eyes. Yet again I found myself looking down at my sleeping body. I looked around for Aida but she wasn't in the room. I drifted downstairs again but this time I was drawn outside.
I drifted down the empty road. It was late and I saw only the occasional car. Once I saw a flash of copper and white. I turned and it was a fox dashing across the street. Moments later, it was gone. I continued down the road and suddenly found myself drifting into a stranger's house.
Drifting up the staircase I found myself going straight to an unknown bedroom. Once inside I perched on the bed. The figure in it awoke and turned over. I was shocked to see a friend I hadn't seen in over a year looking back at me. We spoke for a while, mostly about our drama days together and then I felt drawn elsewhere.
I drifted through the park and into the Holylands area. A sense of foreboding grew within me, becoming stronger the further I travelled. I found myself drifting into another house. There was an extreme sense of negativity there. When I reached the bedroom door I felt like I could barely breathe. Once inside, I knew why.
The room belonged to Jack. He sat up and looked at me as soon as I entered. He didn't seem surprised to see me and his first words chilled me. "I've been waiting for you." I wanted to run away but I couldn't move. I was trapped.
Things begin to become blurred at this point. I remember him pinning me to the wall with his hands on my wrists. He spoke to me but I don't remember his words. The world around me became white, the brightness seeping in and the darkness fading away. In the world of light I found Aurora.
She was sitting in a wicker chair, the only object in the vast whiteness. She spoke to me but I don't remember her words. I just remember the feeling of having been betrayed. After a time the whiteness faded and I found myself back in the bedroom pinned against the wall.
Jack had a knife pressed against my spine. At some point he had moved to pin both of my wrists with one hand. He was whispering about needing to cut an umbilical cord. Then I realised Aurora was there and she was murmuring about the same thing. I pleaded with them but to no avail.
He slid the knife into my back. I felt it crunch against my vertebrae. He yanked it out and I felt it bite into something that was part of me but not part of my physical body. I can't explain how I knew that. I just did.
Driven by the pain I threw my weight sideways. He let go of me suddenly and I stumbled through the closed door, if you can use stumbled to describe such an action when you're floating several inches above the floor.
Through the house and out in the street I saw a glowing trail of the electric blue almost-light. I followed it as I raced away from the house. It grew weaker as I ran through the streets. My vision was growing dark.
The blue trail led back to Damien's house. It was almost non-existent when I passed through the front door. I remember reaching the bedroom door and then nothing but darkness.
Moments or hours could have passed for all I knew before I woke up. Voices intruded on the blackness. Now I know they belonged to Aph and Damien but I didn't recognise them at first.
It took a minute or so after I came round before I knew what I was and then who. I couldn't speak straight away, just make incoherent noises. Then I found words but they weren't English. I had to cycle through multiple languages before I found the one I wanted.
For quite some time I couldn't feel the right side of my body. Then I felt pain in my thigh and the muscles started twitching but I still couldn't move that side of my body. Damien was worried that I might have had some kind of stroke. It was some time before I could move normally.
After I came round they gave me a brief summary of having tried to wake me. Talking and shaking me hadn't worked. Damien had tried calling my phone to see if the familiar noise would wake me. It didn't. Then they tried water since it had worked before. No success.
I'm sure they were pretty panicked at this point. I think they threw a fair amount of water on me because my face, hair and pillow seemed pretty wet afterward. The next tactic was apparently a step up from cold water. Ice.
According to Damien the ice cubes they used were so cold that it hurt for him to hold them against me for any length of time. He said that the human body shouldn't be able to handle that kind of temperature differential. Apparently my brain didn't register it in a normal way though because it didn't wake me.
I don't know what did wake me in the end but I was glad to be awake again. And I think they were glad to see me awake. It would seem that it was temporarily impossible to wake me and, considering someone knocking on a door can normally wake me, this would appear to be a bad thing. What the hell is up with my brain?
Another indication that something went wrong in my brain is the fact that I could quote from poems with ease but was having difficulty with the most basic science questions that Damien was asking me. I did A-level Biology and Chemistry and have completed two years of a science degree and yet I couldn't remember the different between an atom and an ion. That's not good.
We went to sleep at around 6am and the rest of the night passed, apparently, uneventfully. Admittedly I had to get up three hours later but three hours of peaceful slumber is still 180 minutes of uninterrupted sleep.
Today has been somewhat better but still not exactly normal. While riding this morning I felt extremely light-headed, almost as if I was going to float out of my body. It seemed to pass after a while but it was more than just a feeling of vertigo.
Then there was the extreme changes of body temperature, from freezing to burning up, and the intense tiredness. I've also noticed that my saliva seems to have taken on a pink hue. Could it be stained with blood? It seems like a daft idea. Generally I don't feel quite right. Should I admit to the possibility of there being something seriously wrong and seek treatment? Or ride it through in the hope that it will pass?
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