The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

Expectations
18:26 Sep 28 2007
Times Read: 731

Don't expect me to reply to messages for the next few days. I'm going out tonight, to the yard tomorrow morning, packing tomorrow afternoon, travelling to university on Sunday, going to a committee meeting on Monday and then helping at the freshers fairs on Tuesday/Wednesday and Thursday.



See you in a week.

You Took My Heart, Deceived Me Right From The Start
16:00 Sep 27 2007
Times Read: 732


Angels - Within Temptation

Sparkling angel I believe

You were my savior in my time of need.

Blinded by my faith I couldn't hear

All the whispers, the warnings so clear.

I see the angels,

I'll lead them to your door.

There's no escape now,

No mercy no more.

No remorse cause I still remember



The smile when you tore me apart.

You took my heart,

Deceived me right from the start.

You showed me dreams,

I wished they'd turn into real.

You broke a promise and made me realize.

It was all just a lie.



Sparkling angel, I couldn't see

Your dark intentions, your feelings for me.

Fallen angel, tell me why?

What is the reason, the thorn in your eye?

I see the angels,

I'll lead them to your door

There's no escape now

No mercy no more

No remorse cause I still remember



The smile when you tore me apart

You took my heart,

Deceived me right from the start.

You showed me dreams,

I wished they'd turn into real.

You broke a promise and made me realize.

It was all just a lie.

Could have been forever.

Now we have reached the end.



This world may have failed you,

It doesn't give you a reason why.

You could have chosen a different path in life.



The smile when you tore me apart.

You took my heart,

Deceived me right from the start.

You showed me dreams,

I wished they'd turn into real.

You broke the promise and made me realize.

It was all just a lie.

Could have been forever.

Now we have reached the end.

My Usual Self
15:35 Sep 27 2007
Times Read: 733

I appear to have become somewhat distracted again. I've just been giving myself horns using the shadows of my hands. I seem to get distracted very easily these days. I forgot what I was talking about half way through a sentence yesterday. Although, to be fair, the situation was a good kind of distraction :)

The Time Approaches
14:12 Sep 27 2007
Times Read: 734

I leave here on Sunday morning to return to university. I'm going back to some of my best friends but I'm leaving others behind. Yes, I will be able to talk to them via messenger, text messages, comments and even on the phone but I won't see them. Well, I might if I can find a way around the web cam issue.



I'm torn over where I want to be. I could have been coming home just before Halloween to go to the horse show and I could have seen people then but it's the same weekend as Whitby.



Life is so confusing. I never know where I stand with people. The same ones that hurt me then help me heal and those that have healed me then break me. *sigh* Damn emotions.

Strip Away The Glossy Polaroid Images
01:18 Sep 24 2007
Times Read: 740

I've just been reminded of a scene in Hellboy.



Apparently we can like people but what we love about each other is the imperfections.



I wish more people could love me for me.

Fuck Society And Fuck The Society (Part Two)
01:09 Sep 24 2007
Times Read: 741

I'm different, I know that, so stop picking at me like I'm a scab. I need to be me now, not the person you've tried to make me.



I can't do this anymore. It's too big and too hard. I just can't deal with this. I've tried. And tried. And tried again. But sometimes you just have to give up.



I need to learn not to care about what others think. I need to be less emotional. I need to lose my unwise attachments. I need to stop trying to save the world by myself.



I've tried to help. I've put others before myself and now I realise that I've hurt myself in the process. With hindsight I could always see the pain was because they were taking advantage of me but I could never tell at the time. I still can't but I'm trying to change that.



I'm cutting out the parts that cause the problems. I'm creating my own solutions. You could be either or both. I'm trying and failing and trying and failing and trying... Always trying.



But sometimes you do need to give up on things and maybe this project was never intended for me. Maybe my destiny follows a different path from their's. If that's the case then I must say farewell and depart. It will hurt but it will be even more painful if I don't take a break now and look after myself. After all, I don't know how much time I have left.

I Have Returned
22:33 Sep 23 2007
Times Read: 743

Yeah, I'm back. Details later. Too lethargic to type.

Just Fucking Ouch
23:40 Sep 17 2007
Times Read: 747

Now I remember why I do not chew gum. That is the second time I have bitten my tongue hard enough to make it bleed.

What Use Are People Anyway?
23:23 Sep 17 2007
Times Read: 749

Laugh This One Off Danger Mouse.



I'm on 49 friends lists here and I have four friends online right now. Aren't I just Miss Fucking Popularity?



I haven't signed into messenger, MySpace, LJ or elsewhere in days and I'm now sure I care. Maybe I'll delete them all after all. It's just a shame I can't delete the physical me. That would be bliss. Hit the delete key and erase my life. Perfect.



But life's not fucking perfect. Right now it's not even close. Sometimes you have a revelation that you're over someone who hurt you. Other times you suddenly realise that you have had your heart broken. There's a saying "Fool me once, shame on you but fool me twice, shame on me." So shame on me. Shame on me times infinity.



The first time I had my heart broken, it was like being punched in the chest. The second time, an icy fist entered my chest and crushed my heart.



Two years later I trusted someone and he ripped my heart right out of my body and then bathed in my blood. I picked up my heart after he cast it on the floor and carefully stitched it back into my chest. Gradually it healed and this fool gave him a second chance. Now he's slowly carved my heart out with a razor. He has imprisoned it in a cage-of-no-escape and locked it away from sight. Now, only time will tell if he plans to nurture it or stab it with an icy blade.



I'm taking a break from the internet. I may be back in a day or two. I may be back in a week. But you better pray I do come back. You better pray, that is, if you give a damn about me.

The Black Dog
21:55 Sep 17 2007
Times Read: 752

I had an appointment with a doctor this morning. I finally have a diagnosis. In some ways it feels good that someone has recognised that I'm not okay. Now I can really begin to fix things. I just wonder if I'm too broken.

A Question
23:09 Sep 16 2007
Times Read: 755

I pose this question and direct it at you. Answer it honestly and, in time, I will write my own answer.



Would you rather be with the one you love or with the one that loves you?

Fuck Society And Fuck The Society
17:08 Sep 13 2007
Times Read: 756

I've just sent the ridiculously long email of everything that needs done for ConSoc. I'm so stressed that I'm shaking and everyone will probably bitch at me now. Fuck, I can feel the tears trying to get out.

Second Chances... Are All Too Often Given By Fools
23:19 Sep 12 2007
Times Read: 757

I had my heart ripped out by someone earlier in the year. I healed slowly but right affter I had the revelation that things were okay again, I gave the same person another chance. Now I can't help wondering if I'm just allowing them the opportunity to slowly carve my heart from my chest. Am I a fool? Should I cut all ties? I wish I could slice my chest open and remove my own heart. If I couldn't feel anything then it would all be okay.

Patricide Plagues Perfectionists
14:28 Sep 11 2007
Times Read: 761

“Don't worry about disappointing your father, he's already disappointed in you.”

- Oscar Wilde on Franz Kafka



Franz only wrote to please his father. Apparently it didn't work.



Source: uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Franz_Kafka

Nine Eleven
12:42 Sep 11 2007
Times Read: 762

It's that day again. Who's in your thoughts today?

Accident
13:48 Sep 10 2007
Times Read: 765

I just bit my tongue hard enough to make it bleed. And it fucking hurts.

Teleportation Update
12:29 Sep 10 2007
Times Read: 768

I asked Fran about the teleportation thing I was ranting about. He says that there would be an amalgamation but that the people would only survive if their bodies merged to create a form of conjoined twins sharing a blood supply.



It's great being able to ask him these things because I actually get answers. Another example was my obsession with electric lights. No one could tell me (until I asked him that is) how, when a light was extinguished, the room gets dark. My theories were as follows:



1. It gets dark from the edge of the room inward as light is no longer reaching the outer points.



2. It gets dark from the light source outward as the light is still travelling but no longer being emitted.



3. Darkness occurs across the room at exactly the same nanosecond. I was just covering the last possiblity with this one.



The answer is apparently number two, based on the fact that we wouldn't know that the sun had died until seven minutes after the event as its light would still be travelling.



My mother wonders how I think up half the questions I ask. Katherine used to call me a visionary because my head was always full of ideas. All I know is that this is how my mind works. I know it's not functioning the same way as most people's but this is how I am and I'm finally learning to accept that. Either that or the brainwashing was more extreme that I thought but that's a story for another day.

It Amused Me...
12:18 Sep 10 2007
Times Read: 769

Teleportation
22:42 Sep 07 2007
Times Read: 770

Say you're in a world very much like our current one but teleportation is very common, either by the use of manufactured devices or through natural ability. What would happen if you and someone else decided to teleport somewhere, say to the entrance of your local shop, at the same time? What if you both put that thought into action at the exact same nanosecond? Would you collide as you completed the teleport? Or would your bodies splice together as thet both come to occupy the same space? And would a differing body mass change the result?



I think I'm going to shut up now. I probably sound crazy but that's nothing new.

Think On This
14:48 Sep 06 2007
Times Read: 773

"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter"

- Martin Luther King

F.U.C.K.E.D.
23:55 Sep 04 2007
Times Read: 776

"The thought of suicide is a great consolation: by means of it one gets successfully through many a bad night."

- Nietzsche



I had my last counselling session today but the thoughts are still here. The pain hasn't gone away. I'm still the same fucked up and fucked over little girl I was. Why am I still questioning my right to live? Why am I still wondering which would be the best way to die?



I thought I had found happiness but it was an illusion. I thought I had found hope but it was only ribbon-bound despair. Where I thought there was love, it was only lust. Where I thought I was needed, I was being used. Sometimes I wish that someone would kill me and save me the job. But I know that won't happen so I guess it's up to me.



So here's to all those that fucked me over, to all those that called me worthless, drink up and be merry on me, because when I'm gone, you won't fucking notice.

To All Those That Ever Meant Something To Me
23:48 Sep 04 2007
Times Read: 777

"The darkness is death - we can speak, but we are not heard. We can scream but they turn their backs. We can run, but we cannot catch them. It is the dream where arms and legs won't work they way they should, and the air is too thick to breathe. Loved ones walk a mile ahead, forgetting to stop as we fall behind. This is the reality of the darkness. We are buried alive inside ourselves. "

- Dana-Christene Umanetz

Why Halloween is Better than Sex
23:19 Sep 04 2007
Times Read: 778

Someone posted this on MySpace so I thought I'd share it with you...

Why Halloween is Better than Sex



10. You're guaranteed to get at least a little something in the sack.



9. If you get tired, wait 10 minutes and go at it again.



8. The uglier you look, the easier it is to get some.



7. You don't have to compliment the person who gave you candy.



6. The person you're with doesn't fantasize you're someone else.



5. If you get a stomachache, it won't last 9 months.



4. If you wear your Batman mask, no one thinks you're kinky.



3. It doesn't matter if kids hear you moaning and groaning.



2. You have less guilt the next morning.



1. IF YOU DON'T GET WHAT YOU WANT, YOU CAN ALWAYS GO NEXT DOOR!

Promises, Promises
20:07 Sep 02 2007
Times Read: 781

I swear I will actually start writing proper entries again soon rather than just putting up song lyrics. I have so much to report and I can't say half of it.

The Slightest Hesitation Can Bring You Down In Flames
20:06 Sep 02 2007
Times Read: 782


Call the Ships To Port Covenant



A billion words ago

The sailors disappeared

A story for the children

To rock them back to sleep



A million burning books

Like torches in our hands

A fabric of ideals

To decorate our homes



A thousand generations

The soil on which we walk

A mountain of mistakes

For us to climb for pleasure



A hundred clocks are ticking

The line becomes a circle

Spin the wheel of fortune

Or learn to navigate



A choir full of longing

Will call our ships to port

The countless lonely voices

Like whispers in the dark



A choir full of longing

Will call our ships to port

The countless lonely voices

Like whispers in the dark



A second of reflection can

Take you to the moon

The slightest hesitation can

Bring you down in flames



A single spark of passion

Can change a man forever

A moment in a lifetime

Is all it takes to break him



A fraction of a heartbeat

Made us what we are

A brother and a sister

For better or for worse



A billion words ago

They sang a song of leaving

An echo from the chorus

Will call them back again



A choir full of longing

Will call our ships to port

The countless lonely voices

Like whispers in the dark



A choir full of longing

Will call our ships to port

The countless lonely voices

Like whispers in the dark



Tonight we light the fires

We call our ships to port

Tonight we walk on water

And tomorrow we'll be gone



Tonight we light the fires

We call our ships to port

Tonight we walk on water

And tomorrow we'll be gone



Tonight we light the fires

We call our ships to port

Tonight we walk on water

And tomorrow we'll be gone



Tonight

Tonight