I Have The Hiccups Again. Here´s An Update18:30 Oct 16 2009
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It would seem that April was the last time I wrote a proper update so I guess it´s about time I did one. It´ll probably be more of a summary than anything. I´m going to try to write here more often, especially now that I´ve decided to make my LJ entries need-to-know. I was going to delete my LJ earlier but Damien talked me out of it. I was going to get rid of it because I feel like I write crap on it. I know I write utter bollocks here at times but it feels different and people have to go directly to my journal to read what I´m going on about here. I´ll keep my LJ for now but we´ll see.
May
May was spent flying back and forth between home and uni. I completely lost it one day and couldn´t stop crying. My mum put me on the first plane home. In total I flew eight times that month. I only went back to sit my exam papers and do my viva voce (the oral part of my dissertation). Damien took care of me while I was home.
June
In June I sat the remainder of my exams, had a couple of photoshoots and then packed up all my uni stuff for the last time. On the 14th I said farewell to Brackenhurst, got my last white hot chocolate from Southwell and left England. I was very glad to be back with Damien and my other friends again. On the 16th I went to see Terminator Salvation with him. It wasn´t too bad. I also went out for lunch with Helen and Emma and got caught up with them. I had a doctor�s appointment that day too, a psychiatric one the next day and blood tests on the 19th. They increased my medication. On the 24th my results came out. I got a third class honours. I know I could have done better if I hadn�t been so ill and they did give me the opportunity to repeat the year but I couldn´t face going through it any longer.
July
July was relatively quiet. We ran a gaming weekend over the 12th since the country normally curls up and dies during the July fortnight. There were board games, a LARP, much junk food and much laughter. They actually got me to play Atmosphere for the first time in years. I was terrified. I stopped playing board games because people always expected too much of me and I guess I often lack the social skills. The game went quite well but I´m not over my fear yet.
On the 12th Damien (the group´s GM) ran a Paranoia LARP. They ran around the grounds of the estate opposite in red shirts and shot each other with water pistols. I took pictures. I think it went down well.
The 18th was Aph´s birthday and Cornucopia so we celebrated there. She made it out for a while. We had a sort of PVC/fetish theme and I made Damien a red shirt to match my corset.
Graduation
On the 23rd I flew to Nottingham with my parents for graduation. I had to sign on before I left so I arranged to meet my mum in town. That was the day of the torrential rain and I was literally soaked through by the time we reached the car. I had been in my clothes for flying but I ended up having to change completely. We got to the airport okay though and made it through security without too much difficulty though. Then my dad just had to have a couple of pints *sigh* Thankfully he didn´t get drunk. I like the airwork they´ve got up in the bar though. It´s by a local photogapher.
We landed in Nottingham without incident but my dad was terrified. He hates flying and hadn´t done it since 1988. I obviously didn´t inherit my love of planes from him. He even hates me watching Air Crash Investigation. It was strange only getting the bus as far as Nottingham and not going on out to Brackenhurst. My dad was fascinated by the scenery on the bus and kept asking about places. At least he showed some interest I suppose. Our hotel was a minute´s walk from Void so I had no trouble finding it.
We checked in and my dad went down to ask the girl at the desk about smoking arrangements. They have special smoking rooms in hotels now. Mum had booked one but he wouldn´t listen. He was gone for over half an hour. It turns out he went for a walk to see where we would eat. Apparently he didn´t grasp the fact that I´d lived there for three years and would know places. He was gone so long that we missed the chance to eat in the ones I would have suggested. We ended up eating in Whetherspoons and the food was nice but I did panic a little when I saw the size of my portion. It makes me nervous if I have too much on my plate these days.
After dinner we returned to the hotel, showered, read and slept. I actually read a newspaper but it was the Metro and I´d only lifted it because I knew Nemi would be in it.
On the 24th we were up early. I got myself dressed and corsetted and my parents suited themselves up and we were at the Plaza hotel to pick up my gown just after 8am. They had people to help us into the gowns. We´d ordered the second smallest mortarboard (graduation hat) for me but it was too big so they had to give me the smallest. It was a little big as well. My head is so small I´d apparently need a custom made one to get the correct fit.
Then it was on to have the official photography done but we took a lot of pictures throughout the day too. I though I´d feel stupid but I actually liked my gown. I felt smart in it and it wasn´t too weird because there were lots of other graduands wandering around in theirs too. I got lots of compliments about my hair. I´d chosen turquoise as my graduation colour.
Breakfast was taken in Whetherspoons again as it was so early. They didn´t have much I could eat but the toast and jam served its purpose. I must actually have toast and jam more often. The last time Damien visited me I´d made jam sandwiches for the first time in years and enjoyed them.
I joined the other graduands in the queue to be checked in to the Theatre Royal through the stage door. We actually went underground and it was a little like checking into the airport. Thankfully without the strict security. We were shown to our seats and I was in the second row. They decided to do Brackenhurst before the other school of science. I got to talk to Philippa because she was in front of me. James apparently failed. I tried not to be too happy but... karmic payback´s a bitch :D
I thought the ceremony would be really boring. After all, I sat through lots of prize ceremonies in school. It was actually quite good. Our chancellor, Sir Michael Parkinson couldn´t make it but those taking it made it amusing and a guest received an honourary degree and talked about his photography. I was actually at one of his exhibitions a few months earlier.
Our time on the stage was brief, as we knew it would be. I didn´t trip and fall on my face while getting my degree thankfully but later wished I had worn my 7 1/2 inch heels rather than my 3 1/2 platforms. The speaker said they were less worried about us than the art students because they came tottering in on high heels whereas we science students knew about angles and vectors and wore sensible shoes. I heard a girl protesting about it afterward saying that she was wearing high heels. I wouldn´t call scraping 3 inches at most high.
The ceremony was quite fun. There was cheering and wolf whistles and a great atmosphere. Despite there being so many students, it was over in an hour and a half. Then we were walking out. Graduates at last.
My euphoria was short lived. I found my dad first and then, a while later, my mum and she was livid. He walked out during the ceremony and didn´t come back. He always does that but it hurts even now. I went through three years of hell to get that piece of paper and he couldn´t even sit still for an hour and a half. Then they started to argue because my mum was looking for the map and he said we should just ask someone. I told him to shut up and stop ruining my graduation, my mum had already told him to be quiet since it was my special day, and he went into a sulk.
Thankfully we didn´t need a map because I knew where we needed to go. Next stop: City Campus. We headed there for the buffet and there was actually food I could eat and orange juice rather than just tea or coffee. My dad told me something was chicken though and it turned out to be a breaded vegetable ball. I didn´t eat it obviously. While we were there we looked at the graduate gifts and I got a bear wearing a Nottingham Trent jumper. I also ordered a Brackenhurst hoodie. They had them for each school with the uni logo on the front and ¨School Of...¨ on the back. We just got Brackenhurst on ours, probably because the school title is so long (just like our course titles. It´s okay though, it´s who were were. Brackenhurst - the little campus that mingled.
After eating we returned my gown, paid a final visit to Void (another top and waspie added to my collection), had a look around the beach they made in the square and stopped off to get a milkshake. Then it was on to the bus stop where a bitch of a driver made me down my milkshake. I´d waited months for it and it was gone in about a minute. The others always let people on with food and drinks.
My dad seems slightly beyond tipsy and we figured he´d probably gone and got something after he walked out of the ceremony. On the bus he started talking about the Northern Irish plane that crashed and then told us not to mention it when we commented. It was something of a tense bus ride so I continued to take photos to amuse myself.
We got through security but discovered they´d refurbished it since I was there in June. It was really busy which turned out to be a good thing since mum was carrying both her bag and dad´s and you´re only allowed one piece of hand luggage now. He meanwhile seemed to be having trouble getting his shoes back on and seemed to be getting increasingly drunk as time went on. We´re not sure how because he couldn´t have brought liquid through security and we didn´t let him near the bar. We had a quick wander around and a panic when my mum left our boarding passes in WHSmith. Thankfully they were there when I ran back. Then we went on through to boarding gates 1-5 which are in a separate area.
They weather didn´t know what to do with itself. It had been a glorious morning. Then there was a thunderstorm during the buffet before it dried up again. Then torrential rain came while we were in the departure lounge. I ended up standing watch it devour the dry ground while they bickered. He wanted a cigarette and my mum kept telling him he couldn´t have one because we were through security.
Our flight to NEMA had been a little delayed and our one back home was too. We had to take one of the airport shuttle buses over to our plane but the flight itself was uneventful depite the rain and Belfast was dry when we landed.
We picked up the car and headed home. Auntie Mary had done party food for us and David had decorated the house with balloons and banners. And he got me the cutest graduation card ever. I´ll have to remember to upload a picture of it.
I think that about covers July.
August
August was another quiet month with the regular nights of gaming on Mondays and Bar Twelve gatherings on Wednesdays. Other that that, we had Cornucopia on the 8th and then again on the 29th. More on it in a minute. My mum had her fortnight long holiday from work so we had a few day trips. Pony-trekking (I rode a bay mare called Nan, named after her freezemark), Newcastle (a trip around the shops and it didn´t stop raining), Portrush (with my mum and David and I got free rides after one of the staff took a liking to me), Bangor (with my mum and Damien and of course we spent half the day in Replay - more books for us) and W5 (I love the musical stairs).
For Damien´s party I baked him geek themed buns, Dalek cookies and a red Dalek cake. We celebrated with a small pre-party, Cornucopia and then the afterparty. Though I did go for a meal with him and his family on his actual birthday. The main party theme was video game characters and there were some impressive outfits. I helped Damien with his (the spy from TFT - Team Fortress Two) and made my own in full (Street Fighter´s Chun Li). We also had characters from Mario (Neil) and Ghostbusters (Chris) as well as some less obvious ones. I´m amazed at how many people had never heard of Chun Li.
The day after Damien´s party was my mum´s birthday and the party for it was a much smaller and quieter affair. And August itself ended pretty much the same way.
September
Writing this makes me realise how all the little things that happen make a day interesting. In summary, September was also mostly quiet, although I´m sure plenty happened. I can´t think of much to mention before the 19th though.
September 19th - International Talk Like A Pirate Day, Cornucopia and Cornucopia´s 1st Anniversary in the Students´ Union. The theme was pirates. Obviously. We had our outfits and we had a laugh having sword fights etc, especially with an inflatable sword. The music wasn´t great for dancing to though until much later in the night and Damien and I actually considered leaving at midnight. I also ended up with a nosebleed at it which was annoying. I spent ages talking to a guy from Dublin about horses though which was nice if a little strange.
On the 23rd I had another psychiatric appointment. Damien went with me. I could not face these without him. Apparently I may not have major depressive disorder but some form of psychotic depression. Maybe. It was a different guy again. That´s three different people for four appointments. I liked the first guy. The third wasn´t too bad but the second just wanted to increase my meds all the time.
The 26th was a sad day, my last day with Damien for two weeks. He was off to Australia for a family wedding. I´d been invited but they messed up with my visa application so I couldn´t go after I failed to get the cheap flights. We spent our last, far too short day together, had dinner with his family and then spent the entire night texting each other. He didn´t want to go and leave me and it was breaking my heart knowing he was so upset and I couldn´t do anything. Of course I was upset about being apart too so that didn´t help. We kept in touch by texted and I topped up his phone from here as he needed it. I had a real panic though when he didn´t seem to get my messages after landing in Hong Kong. Thankfully we were okay once he landed in Perth. Texting really was our lifeline.
The 29th was my dad´s birthday so we had a meal for that and a small party. Nothing too exciting.
September was also the month that Ellie started on me (see last month´s entries) and weeks later I´m still having trouble eating.
October
I spent a considerable amount of time at the start of the month sorting books and selling things on eBay. I discovered I had 422 books in my bedroom alone. And many, many more down in the library. I´m still not finished organising them but I´ve made good progress. I also did general stuff around the house and shopping for Damien. Then on the 9th he returned. Words cannot describe how good it was to be back together. He brought me a cat zodiac book and beautiful bracelet back. I haven´t figured out the star signs of all the cats yet though.
The 11th was David´s birthday so cue another small party. Then the 13th was a doctor´s appointment. She reduced my anti-depressant dosage to see if it stops making me ill. She doesn´t believe there´s any medical cause since it only happens when I take them and immediately afterward. The psychiatrist wouldn´t lower it without tests so I´m glad she listened and didn´t just ignore what I told her. Dr. Wells annoyed me though. He wouldn´t allow my repeat prescription to go through until I´d seen Dr. Mahood. I am not impressed with him. I could have run out of medication because of that man. Thankfully Dr. Mahood organised one for me straight away.
The 13th was also the day David got me a few days work. It´s promo work for Lavery´s Gin Palace (a bar). That day we did a mail drop of vouchers. We walked miles and our feet were killing us afterward but the pay´s good. The next day we handed out flyers at the student Halls. Apart from sore feet both days were fairly enjoyable. I got to hang out with David which I don´t often get to do and we went book shopping afterward too.
Today Damien and I went into town and over to my parent´s house to pick up some stuff. We decided on the way that we´d love to get our own place but that it should be an old one we can do up. Maybe next year...
Other Stuff
I went to the cinema with my mum a couple of times during the past few months but I can´t remember the dates. We saw the 6th Harry Potter film (because I wanted to see it with her since she wouldn´t go otherwise) and The Final Destination 3D (because no one ever wants to see half the films I do). The effects for it were good but I wish they´d make glasses to fit those of us with small heads. I have a child-sized head. Surely they make 3D glasses for children and, if they don´t, they should. She wants to see A Christmas Carol (with Jim Carey) when it comes out so we´ll be going to that too. I think some friends are going to the cinema tonight but I don´t think I´m in the mood for it. I might organise some stuff for Cornucopia tomorrow (zombie theme).
My laptop is broken again. This time David´s been able to save whatever is on the harddrive (although I make regular backups anyway) but it can´t boot from it so he needs to reinstall windows. I love my laptop but sometimes it drives me mad. I´m glad my mum lets me borrow her netbook when this happens. I just wish things would stop going wrong with it. The power jack was replaced a few months ago and that cost 100 pounds *grimace*
Riding
Regular readers, I suppose you´ll be wondering why I haven´t been talking about riding through this. I have been at the yard ever Saturday but something happened last week that´s really upset me. Details on that in a minute. Since June I´ve had a few different mounts at the yard. Teddy´s been going quite well and his canter is so gorgeous to sit to. He gives me confidence jumping too. Tula has been hyper most weeks when I´ve ridden her and ridiculously slow for everyone else. We´ve had major bucking episodes and mad gallops around the school. I think that now that she´s six she´s asserting her dominance in the herd and expressing it as she wishes. I´ve also ridden Fred to improve his fitness after time off in the field, Sasha who actually jumps very nicely, Smurf, who hacked out nicely and did some lovely transitions in the school and Austin who is a baby and still learning.
We´ve been out for cross-country twice this year and I´ve fallen off Teddy both times. The first time because he took off a stride early for a jump and the second because he got hyper and upset by being left behind. We also jumped a Jack Russell during the second day out after she ran to the fence right before we took off. I´m so glad we didn´t land on her. Megan came off that day too after Fred refused a jump repeatedly.
Someone´s fallen off almost every week during the past few months. Anna ended up straddling a jump. Sonia came off after Maria refused and when Dun jumped a pole on the ground. Kathy did a spectacular unplanned dismount and landed with one foot still in the stirrup. There have been others as well. Sometimes it happens. Other times no one will fall off for months.
Right, I guess it´s time to talk about what upset me. I´ve been riding for fifteen years now and Tom has been my instructor for over a decade. I´ve always trusted him completely. He´s been there while I´ve been doing my important school exams. He helped me with stuff for my uni course. He was there to congratulate me when I graduated. He´s given me more confidence than any other instructor. He´s pushed me and made me a better rider. And now I feel like he´s betrayed me.
For a while now he´s been spending more time on the liveries in the lesson and letting them have more chances to do things than those of us on riding school horses. Last week I jumped five fences with Teddy. Lauren jumped over thirty and that is honestly no exaggeration. It´s been happening for a while and my mum was getting sick of it because we pay more than the liveries for a lesson and they can ride any time they want. Finally, last week she decided to say something to Tom and his reaction was totally unexpected. He said he gave us all the same time (which isn´t true) and told us that if I didn´t like being in the ride I should leave. Then he as good as told me to fuck off. Right after I´d just helped most of the people in his next lesson mount and get themselves sorted. It feels like a complete betrayal.
We had three beginners in the lesson last week, two of which had clearly never been on a horse before (in the yard´s most advanced lesson - oh for fucksake...) so I´m praying he was just pissed off because of them and taking it out on me. I´m praying everything is okay tomorrow. I´m terrified he´s going to bare a grudge. It was so out of character for him but it´s nearly his seventieth birthday soon so maybe he´s getting tired of teaching the people who only get to ride riding school horses.
Oh, and one final thing about the beginners, Kathy´s mum spoke to three people to ask for them to be taken out of our ride. No one was interested. That yard is so screwed up sometimes. Both my mum and Damien have said about moving to another yard but I´ve been there so long and my two favourite horses will still be there even if I´m not. I don´t want to move. I just want Tom´s lessons to be fair to all of us.
I´m going to stop writing this update now because I´m upsetting myself. Hopefully you´ll get more regular ones from now on. For a while anyway.
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