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Just so you don't think my whole life is shit right now, there are lots of good things in it which I plan to write about soon. For today, I'll just say this. It's June 30th which means Damien and I have officially been together for 18 months.



A year and a half together and he still makes me smile :)

More ranting.



I had a meeting with my P.A. today and appparently I might not be getting the job placement they promised me in City Vets because there are students who want one there too. Well excuse me, but you've had my CV for quite some time now. Why couldn't you have sorted this before the students started asking? Grrr.



Also I got rejected for yet another job. I did a trial as a dishwasher. No training given beforehand. Thrown straight in to wash dishes on a private function night. 50 people. Three course meal. Plus tea and coffee. Not forgetting all the cooking equipment, including industrial sized pots that needed done. I thought I did pretty well and was fairly confident about getting the job. Nope, a guy with no qualifications other than a few barely passed GCSEs got it. So I can't wash dishes just because I have a BSc (Hons) degree. For fucksake, I just want a job.



Other news of today: I have a blood test on Thursday (not a concern since I've had so many done now and needles don't bother me) and my doctor has gone on longterm leave. Fantastic. Just bloody wonderful. She's only the second regular decent doctor I've had and now they don't know when she'll be back. The first one got cancer and retired and the rest have all been crap. I was supposed to see her at the end of July but now I'm going to wait for my test results to come back before decided whether or not to see a locum. I could also see Dr. Wells but he's a mysogynist who accused me of lying about pretty much everything and ordered drug tests done on me without my knowledge or consent.



Oh there are so many things I should rant about. For example, at the yard, Tula has been sold, Tom has retired and I keep being given same horses and not given the chance to ride any of the new arrivals (Majorie - coloured mare, Iggy - bay gelding, big bay and new black - as yet unnamed).



I'm going to leave my ranting there for now since people have got home and might like to talk to me without me being sarky with them.

It's been about six months since I last posted anything in this journal, not like me, I know, but that's about to change. Welcome back to my world of ranting.



Let's start with the news about a photographer who is apparently a coward. He shot pictures of me and Damien in January and was apparently really keen to work with me again. We did eventually do another shoot. In May. This was after a few cancelled shoots and then this one being postponed after he was beaten up. I thought the day went really well. We got some good shots and planned things for future shoots. Everything seemed fine when he bid me farewell at about 6pm. By 10pm he'd decided he was giving up photography.



This plan lasted for a few days until he decided he would return to photography but do less shoots than previously. I still chatted to him online and was supportive of him. Then I discovered he's removed all the pictures of me, alone and with Damien, from his portfolio. I didn't see him online for a few weeks and I wanted to ask him why no one else had been removed. After almost a month I got my chance.



We chatted about different things, just casual stuff, tv, what was happening in our lives etc before moving on to talk about his work. He runs Ego Boost and Fallen Angels modelling and told me that night that he'd decided to focus on more traditional shoots rather than artsy ones. Despite having told me during my last shoot that he wanted to do lots more artsy stuff.



He also said Ego Boost was going to have board members interview potential models to weed out time-wasters. I didn't think that would affect me. After all, I'd worked with him before and not messed him around. I even walked about 5 miles in six inch heels during one shooting day. More importantly we were friends who could talk about things other than photography. Apparently I was being blind.



He disappeared offline and I assumed it was a computer crash or something similar since it had happened before. After a week or so of not seeing him online I checked my facebook friends' list and couldn't find him. Neither could Damien. We found him still on facebook but he had removed both of us as friends. Since then he has also hidden himself from me (but not Damien) so he's clearly trying to hide from me and I have no idea why.



Is it me? Is it him? Did his girlfriend object to him working with me? Did me object to my scars which he hadn't seen during winter because of my sleeves? Am I not skinny enough? Pretty enough? Perfect enough?



Ego Boost claim the following as their mission:



"Ego Boost believes that everyone is beautiful in their own way. We provide photo shoots to express a person's true beauty and give them the boost in confidence that so many people need.

Ego Boost will not reject people according to:

Age

Clothes size

Skin tone

Height"

(Source: http://egoboost.webs.com/ourmission.htm)



And yet he refuses to even talk to me. I would have accepted him not wanting me as a model anymore if he had told me that in honesty. Yet he chose to hide like a coward. Serious words will be involved when it comes down to it but I'm not going to worry myself over him. I have other photographers who I have enjoyed working with and who want me to shoot with them again. I'll use my time with them instead. I'm also going to drag Damien out soon and work on some of my own stuff. So screw you, LeBeau, I don't need you.