Why do I seem to attract the insanely jealous and the just plain insane?
Isn't it enough that I can't talk to my last boyfriend now even though we parted on friendly terms? After we broke up he became stupidly jealous of any of my male friends and then of any of my friends full stop.
Now a guy I talk to on here has just lost it with me because I said I was hanging out at a friend's house. He asked me what was up. I told him what I was doing. Which really isn't much. It's not like I told him I was about to go and have an orgy or anything with the delibrate intention of annoying him. We aren't dating and it's not like we're ever going to. He has no right to get pissy with me for hanging out with friends.
I'm really getting sick of being treated as a lesser being because I'm female. Yes, I have breasts and a vagina. Well fricking done. So does about fifty percent of the population. Is it so hard to grasp the concept of me being an intelligent model? I do not exist for the sole purpose of being someone's sex slave. People should grow up and remember that slight detail.
I have to go to the hospital in the morning to have an ECG done. I don't know why. There isn't anything wrong with my heart. The problems lie with my head. Fran's going with me to look after me and to make sure I don't panic and miss the appointment. God, I hate having to go into hospital. At least I know I'll be coming out afterward. At least I hope I will...
There's this guy on here who is sort of starting to creep me out. He lives a few cities over from me in England and wants us to go out on a date. That's not that strange I guess but he keeps going on about it. No matter what I say about my committment issues or about being hurt so much, especially recently, he's determined to date me.
He wanted me to meet him at Sherwood Forest once but I declined for two reasons. Number one, I'm not totally sure how to get there on public transport. And two, isn't it slightly suspicious for a guy to ask a girl to meet him for the first time in a forest?
Now that I'm a premium member, I check who has been viewing my profile and portfolio. He's on them several times a week if not daily. I don't update them that often and it's kind of disturbing how often he's looking at my stuff.
Am I just being paranoid or does anyone else think there's something up with this guy?
COMMENTS
Send him round to my place hon, I'll give him the once over lol
Do not meet with him, simple as that. There is no need to let him down nicely, not with that attitude.
I am so fucking sick of being insulted by people who don't even know me. I walked to the garage to buy milk and got insulted by three girls in there and then had more abuse hurled at me from a teenager in a car and then from men in a white van. I just want to give up. I wish people would leave me alone if they can't be nice.
http://community.livejournal.com/cat_macros/4521513.html
The Combichrist gig was amazing. They were utterly fantastic :D
I'm off to Dublin tomorrow to see Combichrist. Overview when I return. Maybe
I'm working on this list again...
I'm sure you all know by now that I'm quite fond of button badges. Well I thought I'd share some that I don't own. Although, there may be a few in there that I do have. Also, the non-geeks among you may not understand some of these. Oh, and I don't necessary agree with all of these but I'm including them anyway.
~ +5 Badge Of Smiting
~ /*No Comment*/
~ 1337
~ 2+2=5
~ 333 Half Evil
~ 40% Of All Statistics Are Wrong
~ 8 Out Of 10 People Love This Badge
~ < /Bush >
~ < Badge >
~ A Wish Is Not A Substitute For A Prayer
~ Adorkable
~ Aged To Perfection
~ Air Guitarist
~ All Your Base Are Belong To Us
~ Almost Normal
~ Anarachy Queen
~ And Your Problem Is...?
~ Anti-Bush, Pro-American
~ Anti-Everything
~ ARMY Be All You're Told To Be
~ Army Chick
~ Army Of The World
~ As Seen On TV
~ Ask Me About Chuck Norris
~ Ask Me About Jesus
~ ASL?
~ At Least In Heaven I Can Skate
~ Back By Popular Demand
~ Back Off!
~ Badge
~ Badges Are Lame
~ Bah Humbug
~ Ban Comic Sans
~ Ban The Bomb
~ Bananaphone
~ Barbie Is A Slut
~ Bassist
~ I'm Glad I'm Not A Twin
~ Be Nice To Nerds! One Day You'll Work For One
~ Beards. They Really Grow On You
~ Better Than Barbie
~ Beyond Help
~ Bitch Covered Bitch With A Creamy Bitch Filling
~ Blame The Parents
~ Blessed Are The Cheese Makers
~ Boldly Going Nowhere
~ Boom! Headshot
~ Bored
~ Born Again
~ Born Free (Taxed For Life)
~ Boy Bands Suck
~ Boys Are Stupid
~ Britney Who?
~ Buck Fush
~ Bush For President Of Iraq
~ Bush: The Only Dope Worth Shooting
~ By The Time You Read This, You've Already Read It
~ Can't Sleep (The Clowns Will Get Me)
~ Caution: I'm Crazy (About Jesus)
~ Cheer Up Goth
~ Cheese Addict
~ Child Of the 80s
~ Chocoholic
~ Christmas Rocks
~ Chuck Norris Forever
~ Chuck Norris Brushes His Teeth With Barbed Wire
~ Chuck Norris Can Believe It's Not Butter
~ Chuck Norris Can Blow Bubbles With Beef Jerky
~ Chuck Norris Can Divide By Zero
~ Chuck Norris Can Hold His Breath For Nine Years
~ Chuck Norris Can Judge Books By Their Covers
~ Chuck Norris Can Make Onions Cry
~ Chuck Norris Can Skeletonize A Cow In Two Minutes
~ Chuck Norris Can Slam A Revolving Door
~ Chuck Norris Can Sneeze With His Eyes Open
~ Chuck Norris Can Speak Braille
~ Chuck Norris Can Split The Atom With Bare Hands
~ Chuck Norris Can Taste Lies
~ Chuck Norris Can Touch MC Hammer
~ Chuck Norris Can Win Blackjack With One Card
~ Chuck Norris Can't Love, He Can Only Not Kill
~ Chuck Norris Counted To Infinity Twice
~ Chuck Norris Does Not Sleep, He Waits
~ Chuck Norris Drinks Napalm To Quell Heartburn
~ Chuck Norris Eats Lightning And Farts Thunder
~ Chuck Norris Has Three Knees On Each Leg
~ Chuck Norris Has Two Speeds: Walk And Kill
~ Chuck Norris Is Allowed To Talk About Fight Club
~ Chuck Norris Is My Homeboy
~ Chuck Norris Is Not Only A Noun But A Verb
~ Chuck Norris Let The Dogs Out
~ Chuck Norris Uses Only One Chopstick
~ Chuck Norris Sheds His Skin Twice A Year
~ Chuck Norris Sleeps With Pillows Under His Gun
~ Chuck Norris's Cowboy Boots Are Made From Real Cowboys
~ Chuck Norris's Sweat Burns Holes In Concrete
~ Circus Freak
~ Cleverly Disguised As A Responsible Adult
~ Clowns Taste Funny
~ Code Monkey
~ Conserve Wildlife, Pickle A Squirrel
~ Crappy Valentines Day
~ Crazy Bitch
~ Cyber Money
~ Cyber Punk
~ D'oh
~ Dad, The Great, The Magnificent, The Man With The Wallet
~ Dad, The Man, The Myth, the Legend
~ Dear Santa, Let Me Explain...
~ Diagonally Parked In A Parallel Universe
~ Diet Starts Tomorrow
~ Disco Diva
~ Do I Look Like A People Person?
~ Do I Look Like I Want A Big Issue?
~ Do Not Disturb. Already Disturbed
~ Does Not Play Well With Others
~ Don't Be Caught Dead Without Jesus
~ Don't Believe Anything Until It's Officially Denied
~ Don't Follow Me, I'm Lost Too
~ Don't Get Mad, Get Even
~ Don't Hassel The Hoff
~ Don't Judge Anyone By Their Badge
~ Don't Make Me Smite You
~ Don't Make Me Summon The Flying Monkeys
~ Don't Read This. You Won't Like It. I Promise
~ Don't Worry, Be Silly
~ Drain Bramaged
~ Drama Queen
~ Drummer
~ Dyslexics Have More Fnu
~ Dyslexics Of The World Untie!
~ Earth Is Full. Go Home
~ Eat Well, Stay Fit, Die Anyway
~ Elvis Is Dead, Get Over It
~ Emo Kid
~ Emo Makes Me Cry
~ Employee Of The Month
~ End Racisim. Kill Everyone
~ Error 404. Requested Badge Not Found
~ ESC
~ Everyone Is Entitled To MY Opinion
~ Everyone Smiles In The Same Language
~ Excuse Me, But I Have Minds To Twist And Valves To Warp
~ Explosive
~ Fashion Police
~ Fat People Are Harder To Kidnap
~ Fight Truth Decay
~ Free Prayer. Just Ask
~ Friend Of Tom
~ F.R.O.G. (Fully Rely On God)
~ Game Over
~ Gamer
~ Gangster
~ Geek
~ Get Killed, Get Noticed
~ Girls FTW (For Teh Win)
~ Give Quiche A Chance
~ Global Warming Is So Uncool
~ Goldfish Don't Bounce
~ Golf Sale ->
~ Good For Nothing Student
~ Goofballs Rule
~ Got Jesus?
~ Got Rights?
~ Goth And Proud
~ Granny Magnet
~ Guitarist
~ h4x0r
~ Happy Unimaginative, Hallmark Devised, Pretend That It's Love Day
~ Having An Out Of Body Experience... BRB
~ He Who Hesitates Is... Um...
~ Hoarse Whisperer
~ Hot, Single... And Not Interested
~ How Can I Miss You If You Won't Go Away?
~ How Many Frogs Do I Have To Kiss?
~ Hug Me!
~ Humpty Dumpty Was Pushed
~ I /
~ I Was Designedbr /
~ I'd Rather Be DEAD Than COOLbr /
~ I'm A Pirate. Are You?br /
~ I'm ALREADY Against The Next Warbr /
~ I'm Blonde... What's Your Excuse?br /
~ I'm Having A Shit Daybr /
~ I'm Huge In Japanbr /
~ I'm Much Better Looking ONLINEbr /
~ I'm Not A Geek, I'm A NERDbr /
~ I'm Not A Nerd, I'm A GEEKbr /
~ I'm Not Drunk. I'm Irishbr /
~ I'm Not Fat. I'm Just Fluffybr /
~ I'm Not Irish But You Can Kiss Me Anywaybr /
~ I'm Not Mean. You're Just A Sissybr /
~ I'm Not Misunderstood, I'm Crazybr /
~ I'm Not Weird, I'm Giftedbr /
~ I'm Only Vegan Because I Hate Animalsbr /
~ I'm Really Excited To Be Herebr /
~ I'm Smiling! That Alone Should Scare Youbr /
~ I'm So Happy I Could Diebr /
~ I'm So Irish I Shit Leprechaunsbr /
~ I'm Sorry. My Fault. I Forgot You Were An Idiotbr /
~ I'm Specialbr /
~ I'm Ugly On The Inside Toobr /
~ I'm Up And Dressed... What More Do You Want?br /
~ I'm With Cupid ->
~ I'm With Jesus ->
~ I'm With Pwned ->
~ I'm With Stupid ->
~ I've Never Been A Big Fan Of Reality
~ If At First You Don't Succeed, You're Not Chuck Norris
~ If I Throw A Stick, Will You Leave?
~ If I Wanted Your Heart, I'd Have Brought A Knife
~ Im In Ur Base Killin Ur D00ds
~ In Dog Years, I'm DEAD
~ Inner Beauty Is Over-Rated
~ Insomnia Is Nothing To Lose Sleep Over
~ Instant Geek. Just Add Coffee
~ Irish Lass
~ It's Always The Quiet Ones
~ It's Not Paranoia If They Really ARE After You
~ Itchy, Twitchy & Bitchy
~ Jesus Saves
~ John 3:16
~ Keep Away From Pets And Small Children
~ Keep Out Of Direct Sunlight
~ Kick Me
~ Kick Ass Dad
~ Kiss Me, I'm Irish
~ Kiss Me Quick
~ Kiss Me, Fool!
~ L
~ Lab Rat
~ Lacks Focus
~ Laugh At Your Problems, Everyone Else Does
~ Lead Guitarist
~ Learner
~ Leave Me Alone. I'm Having A Crisis!
~ Let It Snow
~ Little Miss Attitude
~ Little Miss Stunning
~ Living Legend
~ LOL!
~ Long Cat Is Long
~ LOOK But Don't TOUCH
~ Lord Of The Pies
~ Loser
~ Lost The Plot
~ Love Does Not Hurt... But Chuck Norris Does
~ Love Is For Losers
~ Love Is In The Air... Gross
~ Make Pies, Not Sense
~ Make Tea, Not War
~ Mathlete
~ Mediocre And Loving It
~ Meh
~ Men Have Feelings Too (But Who Cares?)
~ Menace To Sobriety
~ More Cowbell
~ More Trees, Less Bush
~ Mrs Claus
~ Mullets Rock
~ Mutants For Nuclear Power
~ MY Badge Is Better Than YOUR Badge
~ My Brain Hurts
~ My Cat Kneads Me
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To Be Continued...
I'm leaving the country in twelve hours or so. We're heading down to Dublin to support Michael (and dance) while he DJs at Dominion. It should be a good night. Lucy is going as well so yay :) *happy huggy dance*
There's only one problem. My head keeps trying to convince me to wear a skirt that is way too short to be worn out in public. Except in Whitby. But Whitby doesn't have the same rules as the rest of the world.
I've just been taking a look at who rated me what. Someone rated me an eight on my portfolio but a one on my profile. Does that mean that I'm just a slut to them? That they like my pictures but don't value my opinions? I really don't like being treated this way.
Yes, I am a model. Yes, I like being complimented. But I'm not a lesser being because I look good in high heels. I may be silly at times and do weird things but I have my intelligence.
So, if you're reading this, grow up. If you're going to rate me a one then you should at least explain why, especially when I send you a nice message asking what improvements you would advise.
I'm not going to name you because I've got friends on here and I don't want to cause trouble. I'm not going to get people to flame or bomb you.
All of you that have insulting me and then insulted me again for not retaliating should remember this, it makes me better. The fact I can turn the other cheek and not get into it when I so dearly want to makes me better than you.
Right, this is pretty weird. I keep typing words backward. I don't mean switching the first and last letters of a three letter word. Let me give you an example. I just tried to say something was 'fantastic' and instead typed 'citsatnaf' without thinking about it. To tell you about it, I really had to think about the reverse spelling. What is going on with my head?
At some point I'll need to explain what's been going on in my life but I can't find the energy to do that right now. At least part of it will involve C&Ping Fran's journal entries anyway.
I've just opened Word to do some work on something and discovered that my brother appears to have moved all of my stuff off the computer. Again. Why can't I keep anything on here without this happening?
Also, Fisho just scratched me. Presumably for trying to type while he was sitting on my lap. Now he's gone off in a huff.
Then there's the fact that one finger on my right hand hurts when I type and I have no idea why. I probably whacked it during an 'episode'.
I'm really grumpy right now. Not helped by the fact my father is being nosy every time he walks past. He keeps looking to see what I'm doing but it's not like he understands anything technological anyway. I'm not doing anything wrong. I just like to have some privacy.
Great. I've been back for three hours and I'm already feeling like I need to beat my head against the nearest wall. They were right. This may very well make me worse. But, if it makes life better and easier for my friends, then so be it. I'll do this. Even if it kills me.
I'm back home. Properly I mean. Not just to grab some more clothes or pick up my post. And it just sucks.
I've had one 'episode' since I got back. I was on a power trip and now I feel completely drained again. Drained and utterly worthless. Hopefully my friends are having a better time now that they aren't having to keep an eye on me.
Fisho is sitting on my knee which does impair my typing ability somewhat but I'm glad to have him there. It's comforting. And I need to comfort now. I feel so alone. Not even just lonely because I've spent so long over with my friends. Properly alone.
I don't even want to go to bed yet because suddenly the idea of sleeping alone sucks. I'm not talking about sex, just the comfort and companionship of being with another person. Hell, I may have been dead without it lately.
But that's all over now. Not the heachaches unfortunately. Not the outbursts. Not the hurt. Not the pain. My friends have tried to help me. They have helped me. More than they even realise. But Jan is right, this is my problem, not theirs. I'm the only one that can fix this, the only one that can stop it. I just don't know if I'm strong enough,
I just wrote a new song. It's in the relevant journal section. It's only a first draft though.
I just did a bit of an edit to my profile. The assertiveness may yet come through.
I have no idea what the fuck just happened. I found myself lying on the bathroom floor with wet and muddy socks. Does this mean I got outside? Did I hurt anyone?
Here's the version of my profile which is about to be replaced...
I'm about to continue listing the badges. I started this the other day. Maybe I'll actually finish it today. Maybe...
Okay so the results are in for my exams. The pass mark for each is 40%
Here's the overview:
Equine Veterinary Science - 56%
Sports Injury - 48%
Equine Breeding - 59%
Competition Horse - 49%
Training Young Horses - 48%
Learning and Cognition - 70%
Reseach Methods - 57%
I am amazed I got 70% in L&C. Hurrah!
I'm about to check my exam results... Argh!
I'm going to put some lyrics up again. I know I've used them before but this is my journal. I'll do with it what I like.
I knew it was the first of the month but it always surprises me seeing a fresh page for my journal entries.
A lot of shit has happened lately. I can't be bothered going into it right now. I don't have the time. I'm at Damien's and they're all downstairs so I'll be re-joining them shortly.
More bad news today. Willow had to be put to sleep last night. He had a slipped disc in his back which could have been fixed but his kidneys were also failing for it was kinder for him. But I miss him.
COMMENTS
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