I feel awful right now. I just can't stop the tears. The only person I can really talk about why I'm hurting with is Damien and yet I shouldn't tell him any of it because I can't figure out how to make it sound how it is. If I tell him how I feel about certain things right now I think it'll sound like I'm trying to blame him for the pain. Which I'm not. It hurts because of my shattered self-esteem and personal issues. But I don't think I can make that clear enough. It's not fair. I just want things to be right. They said "something's got to give" and sooner or later it will. But I don't know what 'it' is going to be. I can't help myself. I'll take such awful pain if it means I can be with him. But that sounds so fucked up. I don't know what to do.
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