The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

well two days ago a very good friend of mine past away at the age of 58. He was a great friend to me any many others that he was friends with. He could touch your heart at the drop of a hat. He is truly going to be missed!



I wrote a yahoo 360 for those of you that want to know more. Found out some good news my ssi and apa got reopened and it seems I will be getting benifits after all. Seems I got denied benefits illegally. So I will be getting back pay coming the next few days of 4,200. makes me pretty happy.



Dividends will be here pretty soon, and I am looking forward to that as well. Then in November we will get another dividend.



Things are going pretty well and I cant complain. Got a few marital problems and I can tell you I am so sick of having to say something over and over again, I am sick of the same lame ass excuses. okay enough bitching

Well I went to the hospital earlier today. Got to get stuck, and poked and prodded. I had an ultra sound and mri done, no I am not pregnant actually my kidneys ended up very swollen. so for 5 hours it took them to tell me what the hell was wrong.....YEsterday we found out our dividends where going to be up in the 1 thousand range which was awesome to hear. I was so damn happy! Anyway everyone enjoy the darkness of the night

Well today is the day we Alaskans find out how much our yearly pay day is going to be...So unfair to the lower 48's not getting a Permanent Fund Dividend. Not to mention no tax here. Anyway I was hoping to find out at 5 but noooooooooo, we won't find out till around 8pm.



Today I got up really early which is not like me, but I had too. I had a job fair to go too and got to meet a really good friend of mine. He just got home from Iraq and he goes back to work next week, poor baby. Then he will be on a midnight to 8 shift. I got my gifts that he had for me today. 2 pairs of chops sticks and a japanese dinner bell. They are so awesome. I can't wait to use the chop sticks.



Anyway things are going well, I can't complain. Money has been a little tight but that is REALLY nothing new for me!

Well it's almost 21:30 hours and we have less than 2 days before we find out how much the dividends are. Lucky us Alaskans. Been having some more marital issues, but then again what is new! Seems my husband doesn't know weather he wants to quit or not (cigarrettes)! He used to lie to me all the time in fact last year alone he lied to me 14 times. He told co works not to tell me he was smoking pott or having a cigarrette because it would upset me, when the only thing that really upset me was the fact that he would lie to me instead of saying yup I had a cigarrette and!



my husband is so submissive it isn't even funny. I used to dream about the type of man I wanted, my husband DOESN"T fit it AT ALL! Ugh what is a girl to do, when men act stupid, I know us women do too. Hell we are scandelous bitches, but still! Anyway I hope everyone evening is well

What is a world with out sarrow or pain? We go through life wondering how some of us get by so easy, and others suffer so much in such a short time....



I some times lay at night the house quiet, cat asleep, husband snoring, wondering what have I done to be such a loser in my own eye's?



No Job! No plans for the future I live each day, day by day. No extra plans, no thoughts for the future.



Is that wrong? For me it is the simplest way to live life, I really had no plans once I ended up pregnant at such a young age.



A failure am I to re roam the earth until I get it right, that is how I feel! To correct mistakes that I had once made, or have been making through out my years of re birth.



I am a night walker, an out cast by far, a loner, someone that will never have many friends, but will always try to be a friend, even to those wrong types of people!

So the days feel like nights, and aren't looking like days. I guess that means fall has taken over and soon winter will be here.



That means hybernating season for me! Well maybe not this year, I don't plan on taking any walks, but I sure in the hell, am not going out every day in this damn cold weather, LOL! Anyway usually winter means depression for me, I hope that is not the case this year.

I was talking to a new friend on VR, and was in a deep conversation with her. Why is there darkness for some and light for others? Why do so many get to glide through life without any problems?



Why does society put a label on what we look like? Does how we look really tell who we are, or what we think, or how we feel?



I know that in this day in age a lot of people don't like big people, and I say F U! We aren't here to make you all happy. YOu put a down because you have such low self esteem, Don't hate just go home and re evaluate YOURSELF! I am proud to be a member of the BBW society, I am thick and have more love in my heart today, the people I used to go to school with and even some of the few people now can all kiss my assets. YOu have made me a stronger person, and you thought you would have made me weaker.



I was watching the movie PHAT Girlz and I have to tell you after watching that movie, I found everything Monique said to be true! We all make our way in this life and well those of you that hate on big people you don't have to love us, or be with us, but don't sit there and think we can't get men or vise versa, because there are plenty of us big people to go around and be loved, maybe not by you, but there are people out there that think big people rock!



For those that have been my friend and stood by my side, I couldn't thank you anymore than I thank you every day! I won't conform to society. I refuse, I feel this image that I am now is soon to be gone. I am pretty no matter how I look, but I am so used to a gothic look that dressing like a work in a bank is so not me. Not to say that is a bad thing either, just not me!



I know it sounds like I am bitching well too damn bad. I was in thought and wanted to say what I was thinking. Muaaaaaahhhhhhzzzz

Well what to journal about. It is some what warm outside, but I tell you what, the leaves are changing and it is so beautiful. The moon has been so bright. A couple nights ago is was so big and so full, I could have bathed under it. I was told once that if you bathe under a full moon, that the full moon helps replenish your powers. Life is good, Dividend amount will be told to us Alaskans, on the 20th and I can't wait to hear the amount :D!

When times get tough you find yourself doing things that you would think you would never do again. I am faced with that option, it isn't something I am or was ever proud of, but I will do anything to keep food in my mouth ( Not that my fat ass really need food), and a roof over my head. I am once again falling on tough times, and I REFUSE to be on the streets again or ever for that matter!



I never want to be in a shelter again or on the streets. I hated it then, I would hate it now. I love nature and I love being one with nature, I know sounds sick right! Anyway checking in trying to get to another level, but that seems impossible since I am barely on lol at least till next month!

well it's another day and it seems like winter is coming way too fast. I can't wait for next summer so many plans. So much to do right now and things are going a hundred miles an hour. Hope everyone is doing well because life sure doesn't seem to want to slow down!

Well I haven't coninued with my story only because I really don't have the time when I am over here at my friends house so I may just create a new story. Today the weather is a little nicer, not much mind you but a little nicer....



I got up today feeling like crap and well, I am feeling much better now. I just think it was the fact I haven't been getting much sleep. Anywho I can't wait to get the computer up and running at the house, this way I can concintrate better on this site and continue growing and learning about not just the houses and covens that are available, but to get my rating up. :D

I officially no longer like paydays. It's nice to spend money just not on bills and a cat and the house. *cries* I want to spend money on me for once damn it! The only thing I did was get a hair cut!