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At first it was but a game. I knew what she wanted, as did she. I thought I was in control, choosing the times and places, making her wait, playing off her needs to fulfil my own selfish desires. I thought I could call it off at any time but it turned out , when it came to Leah, I was far from in control. In one night, she changed my life forever.





I first met her when I was 14. My family had moved city and I was alone. My first day of school was meant to be fun, a chance to meet my future friends. But I couldn't bring myself to do it. Don't get me wrong, the other children were more than welcoming, often going out of their way to ensure I was never alone or looking lost. But something didn't feel right in me. I felt I had matured or changed and all those around me were no longer on the same level as me. My thoughts and daily worries were beyond the comprehension of my peers, often turning to dark places and deep fears. Everyone around me was so happy and enthusiastic, it only served to push me further away from them. I had convinced myself that no one would understand me anymore and had settled on the fact that life would only go downhill from here. The other children eventually grasped the fact that I did not wish to speak to them, leaving me to my own devices. Classes were spent in the back corner, where others would only sit with me due to lack of seats, avoiding conversation at all cost. Break times were spent in the library, hidden in a book in which I had no interest, just so I didn't have to look at anyone. At lunch, I spent my time on what became known as "Kari's Bench". Situated on the back wall of the playground, students rarely ventured this far away from the field. I would spend the lunch hour in isolation, knowing I would be safe from any needless small talk. I left people alone and they knew to leave me alone. It was mid December, and I had just sat down with my lunch. That's when I met her.



I had seen her around the school; she had started a week before I had, always keeping to herself, trying to keep out of everyones way. She always acted as though she were nothing special, nothing but another average student. But she wasn't average. I remember when I first saw her, how awestruck I was. My class had just started mathematics when she walked in, late and noticeably bothered by her interruption. The other students settled down rather quickly and I can only assume the lesson continued as normal, for I had suddenly lost all interest in learning; my eyes too busily fixated on the immense beauty of the girl who now sat two seats ahead. Her hair, darker than the blackest night, shone discreetly in the dimly lit room. Her skin looked radiant, soft and inviting, her body seemed to caress the chair she sat in, screaming at me like a toy desired by a young child. Desire. That was the word. I did not know why or how, but I knew I wanted her. I suddenly felt as if I needed her and any second spent without being blessed by her presence would destroy my very being. In what seemed like seconds, she was standing up, packing her bag and leaving. I realised she was not alone in her actions. The rest of the class were standing and departing, a quick glance to the clock confirmed the class had finished. Over the next few weeks, I would see her everywhere. She stood out among everyone else, almost glowing. Once or twice, she caught my glance and I would panic. When her dark endless eyes looked into mine, I felt fear. It was as if she was reading my soul, hearing my thoughts. She became an obsession. I would seek her out in assembly, watch her carry her books across the field. I found myself fixated on her divine beauty in classes and my thoughts were constantly of her. As I opened my lunch box and began unwrapping my sandwiches, a voice from behind me startled me.



"Tuna again?"



I turned suddenly to see her, the girl I was unable to get out of my thoughts, looking over my shoulder at the sandwich I was unwrapping. I felt my heart stop. A lump in my throat stopped me from speaking. I looked away. Suddenly, in one swift movement, she vaulted herself over the bench and sat down next me.



"Don't you get sick of having tuna everyday?" she asked. I opened my mouth to reply, but words escaped me. I felt helpless and lost. She leaned forward and smirked at me. "Don't get me wrong," she explained, "tuna's great and all, but you can have too much of a good thing."



I continued to look at my sandwich, still sat half unwrapped in my hands. "I like tuna. It's simple, easy." I didn't recognize the weak voice that came from my mouth. I felt myself go red.



She laughed, clearly amused by my embarrassment. "It's Kari, right?"



I nodded, still unable to look her in the eye.



"Tell you what Kari, I'm going to do you a massive favour. I'm going to make you the best God-damned sandwich you have ever eaten, and you are going to thank me for it."



"No," I heard myself say, "you don't need to do that." I felt tense and my palms had gone sweaty.



She laughed to herself again as she stood up. "I'll be here tomorrow, same time, with a sandwich that will blow your mind!"



I felt regret as she walked away smiling. I felt stupid for acting so shy and weird. Why didn't I say something better? Why couldn't I look at her? I had lost my appetite. I found myself repeating the last 2 minutes over and over again in my head, wishing I had done something different, anything. She made me feel so strange, so unusual. Everything about her was mesmerizing. My thoughts turned to tomorrow. What would I do for lunch now? Would I hide in a new location, pretending today had never happened? Then I remembered. She knew my name. This fact both scared and enticed me. Why would she know who I was? I was nobody. I wanted to find out more about her. I wanted to know all there was to know. I wanted to hear her voice again, and speak with her properly. I wanted to see her again. No, I NEEDED to see her again. The bell rang to signal the end of lunch and I decided there and then that tomorrow would be the day I befriended Leah Brown.