Insight13:16 Feb 17 2009
Times Read: 558
Many things are sent to hurt us, for tis the nature of man to destroy oneself. These thing however have and hold little sway over those of us who are completely comfortable with themselves and there lives, i would love to say that i am such a person but alas i am not i still experience anger, loathing and hate, the most poisoning emotions that can infest a soul, i have searched deep and long for the key to successfully lock these emotions from me but have always failed, the situation is now becoming dire, as i now have to be medicated to survive my every day life.
Now many will say that i do not need to be medicated but infact choose to be medicated but the truth is that i do need to be medicated, and there are people on this site who know how i am when i am not medicated, i have been through years of psychological and psychiatric therapy without success i have been heavily medicated for over two years now, i spent over four months without sleeping, i experience auditory and visual halucinations. i have limited contact with physical people as my mood can turn very quickly.
I would like to say that i am still endeavouring to heal the wrongs that i have done, but in order to survive i have understood that in order to move forward with my life i can not live in the past, the sins of the past as well as there actions may well impact on the present but to coin a phrase you cannot unring a bell, so i would rather leave my past as my past and there misdeeds as the same.
There are many times when i could curl in a ball in the corner and never move but i will not and cannot do so, for i make an assumption that this life i have however inelegant has purpose, however shrouded in the dark that may be, the dark is somewhere that i have lived for the majority of my life, as i close in on forty years on this planet, retrospectively i can complain about none of my life simply because i have placed myself in every situation that i have ever been in, there can be no self reproach or recrimination, i am who i am, there needs to be no excuse for this and i give none, to those whom i have wronged and those i will wrong may i offer my apology now for at the time there will be none.
I have been a straight shooter and been confrontational and always will be, i shall not stop telling people how i feel and what i think the rights of this race and this place allow me such comfort, my rhetoric may be offensive to some but i can assure any of you who deem to read this that none of it shall be sexist, racist, homophobic or in any way discriminatory.
I hope this brief insight has helped you to understand part of my soul, i leave you know with a quote from shinedown,
'Thank you for reminding me of why i'm sick inside'.
Adieu
Your humble mage
Raist.
COMMENTS
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ladySnowStrixx
14:52 Feb 17 2009
I agree, you should always be who you are , and if someone can't except it then that's on them.