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it has been one month and nine days since i quit smoking. i am much happier because of my decision. many of my close friends here asked why i would decide such a thing out of the blue (they all know i loved to smoke).



i quit the morning after our performance in phoenix which was on december 10th. this wasn't just any 'ol performance. this was to celebrate the 25th anniversary of the Dalai Lama recieving the nobel peace prize. i spent a lot of time around the tibetan buddhist monks. needless to say it was a very spiritual evening. i was so at peace when i finally got into my own bed.



(a little history: both of my grandfathers died when i was a teenager of emphysema. i never got to say goodbye)



that night i dreamed that i was going to my grandfathers house. i was 29 as i am now. he stepped out of the front door and i could feel intense pain inside my chest. i began to cry and as i walked towards him i knew inside that he was dying and i knew exactly why. we just held each other tightly while i cried. i heard him tell me without him saying a word... 'you need to quit'.



i woke up the next day feeling like my heart was breaking. i spent the day crying and dealing with my wake up call. my dreams usually make no sense. this one was clear and simple. everything was as it should be. i knew that i could have taken this as just a dream but i chose to take it as a message from my grandfather. i also believe that that was my chance to finally say goodbye.

well today is our last chance to get some practice in before this saturday. we are performing at tribal mania at the domba studio. i'm really excited to dance among some really outstanding dancers. i get all giddy like a damn cheerleader when it gets close. i get nervous, with a pinch of scared, but in the end i have this intense natural high. i hope all goes well since we'll be using fire in this performance. thankfully i'm on the end so i'm not stuck in the middle surrounded. granted it's only a candleish thing but most of us are not fire performers and fire = bad things happening. lol

i think we'll do great though. i'll probably end up crying at the end. our final song is so moving and beautiful. it's also a nice change in pace since we're used to dancing like crack whores. we finally have a song where we can take it easy. whew! hoping to get great pictures. we'll see. mabye even video!!

more space for me to write tons of exciting yet boring crap!



nothing much going on lately. just got back from our first family trip ever. we took the lil boys to knott's berry farm. we had such a blast spending quality time together with just the family. unfortunately, we had to leave a day early since there were two major storm systems moving into the area today accompanied for tons of rain. we really didn't want to get flooded in and the park was going to be shut down anyways so we decided to head home. we'll be heading back later this year since we still have tickets for one day.



i have tons of dance practice to catch up on tomorrow. apparently there have been at least 2 or 3 new choreographies put together while i was gone. sheesh! one is to a song from swades and it's supposed to be our final song we perform. it's supposed to be a way to say a very respectful thank you and show our appreciation to the culture itself for making such beautiful music and movies. or something. i'm sure i'll love it when i see it. we'll be working with candles on that one so yay for me lighting myself on fire!!!! lol