The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

- Hung Chow calls into work and says, "Hey, I no come to work today; I really sick.. Got headache, stomach ache and legs hurt; I no come work."



The boss says, "You know something Hung Chow, I really need you today.. When I feel sick like you do, I go to my wife and tell her to give me SEX. That makes everything better and I go to work.. You try that."



Two hours later, Hung Chow calls again.. "I do what you say and feel GREAT.. I be at work soon... You got nice house.."

COMMENTS

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Saetan
14:15 Apr 24 2010

Now THAT was hilarious

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spookshow
15:07 Apr 24 2010

Nice i like it! ~giggles~

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POST COMMENT

TOP TEN INDICATORS THAT YOUR EMPLOYER HAS CHANGED TO OBAMACARE:



(10) Your annual breast exam is done at Hooters.



(9) Directions to your doctor's office include "Take a left when you enter the trailer park."



(8) The tongue depressors taste faintly of Fudgesicles.



(7) The only proctologist in the plan is "Gus" from Roto-Rooter.



(6) The only item listed under Preventive Care Coverage is "an apple a day."



(5) Your primary care physician is wearing the pants you gave to Goodwill last month.



(4) "The patient is responsible for 200% of out-of-network charges," is not a typographical error.



(3) The only expense covered 100% is "embalming."



(2) Your Prozac comes in different colors with little M's on them.



AND THE NUMBER ONE SIGN YOU'VE JOINED OBAMACARE:



(1) You ask for Viagra and they give you a Popsicle stick and Duct Tape.

George Bush, Queen Elizabeth, and Vladimir Putin all die and go to hell.

While there, they spy a red phone and ask what the phone is for. The

devil tells them it is for calling back to Earth.



Putin asks to call Russia and talks for 5 minutes. When he is

finished the devil informs him that the cost is a million dollars, so

Putin writes him a check.



Next Queen Elizabeth calls England and talks for 30 minutes.

When she is finished the devil informs her that the cost is 6 million dollars, so

she writes him a check.



Finally George Bush gets his turn and talks for 4 hours. When he is

finished the devil informs him that the cost is $5.00.



When Putin hears this he goes ballistic and asks the devil why Bush

got to call the USA so cheaply.



The devil smiles and replies: "Since Obama took over,

the country has gone to hell, so it's a local call."

Jessie, You Stupid Bastard!



You cheated on Sandra Bullock? How in the world can you be so stupid? You are married to one of the most beautiful women in the world; she has a body to die for and her current wealth and predicted wealth is over shadowed only by Oprah, who – even Steadman will tell you – isn't attractive.



And your wife, who recently beat out Julia Roberts in the polls as America's Sweetheart" just won an Oscar (which translates to more money per picture she makes in the future) .. . . while you were shacking with that tattooed freak, who just happens to be a former stripper and is someone's mommy.



You are really a piece of work! You are the most hated asshole cheater on the planet! And while the State of California is a no-fault state whereby you may be able to take half of your wife's wealth, in doing so you would only be hated even more . . . especially after Sandra’s speech during the Oscars in which she did nothing but praise you. How can you live with yourself after she even cared for your children?



I only have one thing to say to the despicable, miserable, cheating piece of crap that you are:



Thank You!! You really helped to take the heat off me.



Let’s do lunch sometime and compare notes.



Sincerely,



Tiger Woods