The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

Top 10 Complaints of the Modern Vampire



10. After 45 years of Communist rule, it's impossible to find clean, uncontaminated Transylvanian soil for bottom of coffin.

9. After 100 years of trying, still can't score with Elvira.

8. No bat is safe with Ozzy Ozbourne around.

7. With all those crucifix-wearing Madonna clones, junior highs are suddenly off-limits.

6. Nutrasweet or not, fat-free blood tastes like crap.

5. Exhausted from all those Calvin Klein photo shoots.

4. No small task beating F. Lee Bailey to a warm body.

3. Buxom wenches of old have been replaced by aerobicized "hardbodies."

2. Baboon heart makes everything taste gamey.



and the Number 1 Complaint of Modern Day

Vampires...



1. Sick and tired of being mistaken for Keith Richards. !!!



extracted from Jason profile