I've always enjoys watch people. They do very interesting things.
When my sister Isabell and I were very young we once spent an entire day sitting on a curb watch people, of course that led to some other retarded things that I won't go into because I am fairly certain Isabell will drive to my house and quite possibly kill me.
Have you ever noticed when someone wants you to stop bothering them they sigh? I mentioned this to my boss THE ELF the other day... He says how do you know I sighed? Do you sit around waiting for me to sigh? I said of course....
Then my coworker popped in and said she's waiting for the right moment to strike....
I'm blushing (OMG) how can the coworker know that?
Anyway moments later the little coworker looks at me and says I know what to do with you if Im ever attacked? HE SAID THIS I swear. God help me I work with strange ppl.
First he says he will start to run... I said wrong, do you know why? Oh yeah he says the moment I drop my eyes from yours I'm prey....
I laugh and try not to be too loud about it so it seems normal, of course now that is the right answer.
Never drop your eyes.....
When you drop your eyes you've classified yourself as either something to eat or control.
Lesson 1
I hate when I have those kinds of brght flashes of brilliance.
~yawns
Now I'd like to rest but I have a feeling since it's Friday night I am going to be paraded around and dragged all over creation and shown off....
Damn it
My back is out for the third time this year. You may well ask yourself, how did this occur, the answer would be I don't know.
Sometimes people should consider the damage that they do to one another. The unintentional dramatic bullshit. Whine whine
I never know what's coming next. Rigo is watching specieson the tv. That's a human flick for sure only humans think up stuff that gory...
Yuck
I this very moment am being pestered and can't write my journal in peace. Yawns.
Failure is relative. A new failure is not a "failure", just another method thereby which you can not achieve success. I think tomorrow, I will be up kicking ass and taking names again.
I want to go to Ocean Shores B4 the summer ends... Yeah me and my SPF 75.... Yay me!
It's just some words
that I've heard
so many times before
I've now learned to ignore
It's just a smile
It only lasts a while
I don't have to see
the damage you do to me
The sun is setting
I know you're betting
that I will be there
that I really care
You said to me
Take heed and flee
But my intent design
Is your fragile mind
But damn my soul
Your love makes me whole
The broken spots inside
Wounds I have to hide
So I can't run away
like they always say
I will make a stand
Love is best unplanned
I got my nose pierced this afternoon
Wow I got my nose pierced this afternoon. Just a little white stone. It's not like ostentatious or anything. It was torture. Apparently I have the hardest skin ever like freaking GRANITE. The guy that pierced my nose was like, "wow, I don't know why that was so hard, I've pierced Islanders before and didn't have such trouble."
Of course my nose is made of CONCRETE. That only makes sense. RIght? I don't remember who put my earring sets in. I think that happened when I was a baby?
I also apparently bleed alot. Thank God John was a smart and nice guy and knew how to keep me from attacking him or worse yet... hehehe throwing up on him.
God now that would have been something....
I read my journals from when I first came onto VR... How funny and stupid and trivial my concerns seemed.... Except for the part about dying on the beach.... That's perfect.... I'm goona get a monstrous margarita and trot right out onto the Italian riviera topless and wait for my freaking skin to fall off..... That should take about 7 hours.....
I wonder if I can get a continous supply of Peach Margaritas until it's over....
Hahahahaha
I wonder what I will be doing this winter....
I'd like to hide and run away. I even know where.... They are waiting for me in Phoenix, the rest of my family and they call me everyday...
Please oh please stop being in the cold come home to us.... We have a place for you...
I laugh because I know what they really mean....
I think I will pass.... It's all or nothing
PS Terilynn I know you are reading my journals... you are wrong I will still outlive you...hahaha I love you my beautiful beautiful sister. You know you can't undo this only end it.
I can not go forward
The compassion in my soul
bids me to halt
I can not bear this pain I see
God this sucks so bad
I must wait to be free
I must content myself
To dream of someone else
Forever in limbo
God this sucks so bad
It's alot, more than I can bear
My heart is aching and
still I can not share
my reality with the one
I truly love....
God this sucks so bad
It's not even truly poetry
it's just your standard tragedy
Perfect love that should be
Bad timing just for me
God this sucks so bad...
I am tired of this battle tonight.
I lay down my sword to my right.
For to my left will bring my death.
And if yet it still very well might.
I look around and notice you.
The smile on your lips turns me blue
Let me know when you wake up
from your dream and learn anew
What is the depth of our reality
certainly not a call of proximity
I lay down tonight sighing for your plight
Mourning your downfall in totality
Yay... Cherries for breakfast. I wonder what's goona happen today? I am sitting here and I wonder if I can make it through 8 hours of this...hahahaha
I barely slept last night, Ri is insisting on sleeping in my room now... I wonder if I talk in my sleep?
I think I used to.... Weird
So here we are.... we have driven 300 miles away from my dark quiet comfortable home on the coast into the interior of Washington State. It's hot here....
I've had a couple of really unpleasant experiences today and I feel bad that I have so little self control. I was in the grocery with Rigo and I found myself kinda starring at him.
HE TURNS AROUND AND SAYS HEY i WAS IN THE MILITARY, PLEASE DON'T ATTACK ME...
I was like Errrr what are you talking about?
That is so ridiculous....OMG What a dumb ass....yeah yeah yeah...but secretly I was thinking he looked tasty....
Hahahaha
So then we came back to camp and I got to meet all the neighbors.
I cooked dinner. Steak and lobster and salad... Yay my favorite!
So we sit down to eat and I forgot the steak knives, so I'm eating with my hands.... blood is running down my arm... all the way to elbow and Rigo kicks me under the table....
That's when I hear a purring and kind of a growling noise coming from the back of my throat.
Ok this is embarassing a little..
I look up at him....blood is dripping down my face from the steak that I am eating. I look at him very seriously....
"You know Ri, you may want to rethink this thing.... I mean I eat raw meat and YOU think I am going to eat you,... You know I have kind of strange sleep habits and I can barely tolerate full on sun."
My brown man turned white. Then he said, "you would not eat me....". I said, "no I don't think you'd taste too good, you eat too much junk food."
Then I laughed. He immediately got all butt-hurt and offended because I didn't want to eat him.... WTF???? Seriously something is wrong with him...
I was playing around with him I am so totally not a vampire... He knows I spend a silly amount of time on VR. He's upset because I don't want to eat him... Does anyone think I am with a retarded man or a guy with little regard for his self preservation?
So apparently I am going swimming tomorrow I have SPF 70 but still fully expect a marvelous burn all over like a lobster which I will post... No maybe not that was kinda yucky last time. They are still making jokes about me molting in my office.
So happy this hole has Wifi....
Yay me!
I was briefly touched by a little angel a few years ago. He was my stepson and I had him from 7 weeks until he was 5. It was hard to let go... Maybe the most awful thing I've ever had to do, right up there with letting go of my mother....
This child brought me joy everyday...
One day we had talked about crunching people... So I hugged him and he hugged me. We hugged everyone... Crunch crunch...
Then the next day he went to daycare and they had crunchy carrots...
That afternoon when I picked him up we sat in the living room floor.... He looked up at me chocolate eyes shining... mama can I crunch you?
Sure baby...
Yeah he bit me.... lol
I was like well damn ... I told ya it was ok... now I know I deserved that....
Did anyone else see that coming?
Seeing the Aura
This exercise is designed to see Aura for the first time and/or practice seeing Auras. Choosing good conditions is important: not only you see the Aura better, but also to gain a confidence about what you see.
Situate the person in front of a very softly illuminated PLAIN WHITE background. A color background will change Aura colors, so you need additional knowledge about combining colors. Some combinations of background and Aura colors may cause misinterpretation problems.
Choose ONE SPOT to look at. The middle of the forehead is VERY GOOD. This is a location of so called Brow Chakra or the Third Eye. In some cultures (India) they put a mark on a forehead. Such a mark in ancient times could mean the invitation to look and see the Aura.
Look at this spot for 30 to 60 seconds or longer
After 30 seconds analyze surroundings with your peripheral vision, while still looking at the same spot. Continuing the concentration is most important. Resist temptation to look around. You should see that the background nearby the person is brighter and has a DIFFERENT color than the background further away. This is your own perception of the Aura. The longer you concentrate, the better you will see it. Remember, concentration on one spot increases your sensitivity by accumulating the effect of the Aura vibration reaching your eyes.
Taking a SNAPSHOT of an Aura.
After concentrating long enough to see the aura, close your eyes. For a second or two you will see the Aura ONLY. Be prepared. You have only one second or two until your photosensitive cells will stop vibrating and sending visual sensations to the brain. And if you miss is, you have to start concentrating again. Try to experiment how fast or slow you should close your eyes.
Observing auras of other people
The best is to look directly at someone's brow chakra (third eye or wisdom eye, which is located @1.5 cm above the nose, between eyes) and aim to achieve the state of mind similar to the concentration technique described above for at least 30-60 seconds. I have tried also looking at throat and heart chakras with similar results. However, if you concentrate on someone's chest it looks so unusual that the person concerned is usually very uneasy about it. When you look into someone's brow chakra you can actually continue conversation.
Again, VERY softly illuminated background, with no shadows is best. With practice, any uniformly illuminated background (such as a blue sky for example) will suffice.
How to see your own Aura
Stand about 1.5 m in front of a good size mirror. In the beginning it is best if the background behind you is plain white and there are no shadows. Illumination should be VERY soft and uniform not bright. Follow instructions above for seeing Auras.
PRACTICE for at least 10-15 minutes each day to increase your sensitivity and develop Auric sight. Remember that practice is required to develop Auric sight.
Auric sight and after-images
One of the most frequently asked questions during my workshops is: "Tom, are my eyes playing tricks on me ?" The answer is no, you have just learnt to pay attention to what your eyes are capable of. Light sensors in our eyes (Red Green and Blue) are vibration sensors which are highly non-linear and they have memory. The consequence of memory is that they can oscillate for up to several seconds after the visual stimulation has been discontinued.
This memory of visual stimulation is frequently perceived as afterimage. Afterimages have a precisely the same shape as original images. Afterimage of an object surrounded by its Aura is larger than the original image. The increase in such afterimage is due to the vibration of an Aura and actually represents a "snapshot" of an Aura. It is therefore essential to focus at one spot when watching the Aura and resist temptation to change the point of focus, otherwise an image of the Aura may become confused with the afterimage of an object.
Meaning of Aura and its colors
The Aura is a reflection of our True Nature at any given moment. At this point it is perhaps necessary to explain what do I mean by "True Nature" and why some effort is necessary to "discover" it. Our society seems to emphasize symbols, stereotypes, habits, manners, superficial behavior, pretending, following others and submitting free will to some "leaders". Our "education" seems to be based on views and expectations of people who try to control the flock.
Our True Nature is what is left when we recognize and discard all our habits, stereotypes, manners, and pretending, superficial behavior and become fully conscious, truly natural and spontaneous. Note that some people are so attached to their manners and habits that it is very hard, if not impossible, to discover who they really are. The only way to get an instant insight into their personality seems to be by watching their Aura, because the Aura shows their True Nature, behind any facade of superficial behavior.
In general, the more colorful, cleaner and brighter the Aura, the better and more spiritually advanced is the person. Also, the more uniform the energy distribution in the Aura, the healthier and more balanced the person is.
Distribution of the energy in the Aura seems to have the potential of a powerful medical diagnostic tool, but usually requires using a complex equipment. The scope of this article is to concentrate on what we can easily see with our eyes.
Our Aura surrounds the entire body, but the interpretation of colors below relates to the Aura around the head only. Meaning of colors around the head presented below suggested in the literature has been confirmed by the author. When you learn to see Aura well, you can verify it for yourself, by concentrating on certain thoughts while watching your Aura, or telling people what their thoughts are when you see their Auras.
Usually, people have one or two dominating colors (strong points) in their Aura. These colors (or their Auric pairs) will be most likely their favorite colors.
In addition to dominant colors, the Aura reflects thoughts, feelings and desires, which appear like "flashes", "clouds" or "flames", usually further away from the head. For example a flash of orange in the Aura indicates a thought or desire to exercise power and control. Orange as a dominant color is a sign of power and general ability to control people. Quickly changing "flashes" indicate quickly changing thoughts.
Meaning of Clean Colors of the Aura
(colors of the rainbow, bright, shiny, monochromatic colors):
Purple: indicates spiritual thoughts. Purple is never a strong point in the Aura. It appears only as temporary "clouds" and "flames", indicating truly spiritual thoughts.
Blue: Balanced existence, sustaining life, eased nerve system, transmitting forces and energy. People with blue strong point in their Aura are relaxed, balanced and feel ready to live in a cave and survive. They are born survivors. Blue thought is a thought about relaxing the nerve system to achieve the balance of the mind or a thought about surviving. Electric blue can override any other color in the Aura, when the person is receiving and/or transmitting information in a telepathic communication. For example Michel Desmarquet, author of "Thiaoouba Prophecy", frequently glows with the electric blue during his lectures, especially when he answers questions from the public.
Turquoise: indicates dynamic quality of being, highly energized personality, capable of projection, influencing other people. People with turquoise strong point in their Aura can do many things simultaneously and are good organizers. They feel bored when forced to concentrate on one thing. People love bosses with turquoise Auras, because such bosses explain their goals and influence their team rather than demand executing their commands. Turquoise thought is a thought about organizing and influencing others.
Green: restful, modifying energy, natural healing ability. All natural healers should have it. People with a green strong point in their Auras are natural healers. The stronger the green Aura, the better the healer. They also love gardening and usually have a "green hand" - anything grows for them. Being in a presence of a person with a strong and green Aura is a very peaceful and restful experience. Green thought indicates a restful state and healing.
Yellow: joy, freedom, non-attachment, freeing or releasing vital forces. People who glow yellow are full of inner joy, very generous and not attached to anything. Yellow halo around the head: high spiritual development. A signature of a spiritual teacher. Do not accept spiritual teachings from anyone who does not have such a yellow halo. Buddha and Christ had yellow halos extending to their arms. Today it is rare on Earth to find a person with a halo larger than 1 inch. Yellow halo appears as a result of a highly active brow chakra (which can be seen glowing with violet by many people at my workshops). Highly spiritual people stimulate the brow chakra continuously for many years, because they always have intensive spiritual thoughts in their minds. When this chakra is observed when highly active, a yellow (Auric pair) halo appears around it, surrounding the entire head. Yellow thought indicates a moment of joy and contentment.
Orange: uplifting and absorbing. Inspiring. A sign of power. Ability and/or desire to control people. When orange becomes a strong point, it usually contributes to a yellow halo, which then becomes gold, indicating not only a spiritual teacher, but a powerful spiritual teacher, someone capable of demonstrating his/her unique abilities. Orange thought is a thought about exercising power or a desire to control people.
Red: materialistic thoughts, thoughts about the physical body. Predominantly red Aura indicates materialistically oriented person.
Pink (=purple+red): love (in a spiritual sense). To obtain a clean pink, you need to mix the purple (the highest frequency we perceive) with red (the lowest frequency). Pink Aura indicates that the person achieved a perfect balance between spiritual awareness and the material existence. The most advanced people have not only a yellow halo around the head (a permanent strong point in the Aura) but also a large pink Aura extending further away. The pink color in the Aura is quite rare on Earth and appears only as a temporary thought, never as a strong point in the Aura.
Meaning of Dirty colors:
(colors appearing darker than background more like a smoke than a glow)
Brown: unsettling, distracting, materialistic, negating spirituality.
Gray: dark thoughts, depressing thoughts, unclear intentions, presence of a dark side of personality.
Sulfur (color of a mustard): pain or lack of ease, anger
White: serious disease, artificial stimulation (drugs). Why does the white color in the Aura indicate problems? White color is like a noise, rather than a set of harmonious tones (monochromatic colors). It is impossible to "tune" the noise to an orchestra playing harmonious music, hence the white Aura indicates a lack of harmony in the body and mind. Nature, which we are a part of, is harmonious. This harmony comes in discrete vibration "tones" or harmonics, partially described by the modern quantum physics.
Several hours before the death, the Aura becomes white, and greatly increases in intensity. For this reason in most cultures "death" is depicted in WHITE (not black), because in the past, people could actually see a white Aura before death. It seems that our ancestors knew much more than we are prepared to admit.
Amplifying your Aura vibration and bio-energy
Things which can greatly amplify your aura are:
Meditation (purifying your mind from any thoughts)
Concentration exercise with the cross
Matching your aura with the environment
Can you see colors? I can...lol
I am going for a trip.... apparently to the woods to go camping whether I want to or not.... Yeah...
Normally I like this idea. I hate that it's being forced on me....
Will I get in trouble if I bite him?
I feel good! Yay me.... I went up yesterday to my sister Isabell's house... It's always so nice to be around the ppl that you love.... I only love my sister... and Fi and Ari....
Scoogi you need to cut your hair boy.... hehehe
This vitamin is making me feel better. Colors are brighter. Even ugly mean people look prettier..... hahahahaha Ok I lied... Ugly people are still scary...
Nothing can really fix that...
I haven't laughed that hard in awhile....
Who was that nasty skinny boy with the dirty hands at your house Isabell? Why did he keep trying to get me to touch his hands... yech... Dude there is not enough bacterial soap in the whole world.....lol
Then when he start picking at his war wounds in your living room....
I was like... Errr OMG... I am so not seeing this... Oh no I am going to make a scene.... heeeeheeee wheeeeee! "Okay , if you continue to try to make yourself bleed in my sister's house while I am here, young man, I am not going to be responsible for my actions... if everyone ends up dead because you are dumb it will be your fault... Do you understand?" It was really very funny because he stopped picking at his boo boo and turned very pale and sat still and when Isabell and I came back he was oh so very gone.....
Angelo made my favorite while I was up... Nachos..... Isabell be nice to him, he's a good boy... I guess... he made you nachos and brought us hawaiin punch and I don't think he even spit in mine?
I am so happy I am now sleeping at night again....
That rocks!!!! Hahahahahah INYOFACE......
Thank you MISHI for the tip... I feel almost COMPLETELY normal again. How did you find out about this? You are an angel, girlfriend.
I think I am going to let you and Amelia be my doctors from now on and fire the whole lot of those slimey bastages.... All they ever do is take a lot of my blood and make me sleepy...
Ok I have to get to work now.....
Note: I'm still thinking of you, this still hurts, I still miss you, and She was wrong a little... just a little, and to answer your question to her if I was sane would I be here making friends with you? Don't pretend that you don't know this is for you. My shelter is always open to you.
Hey Today I went to lunch with Silverbow.
Wow is she a nice lady. She has super lovely manners and gorgeous hazelish kinda eyes. They actually change colors a little bit. She also gives bear hugs that could crush you.... Her little son who is a PRE-TEEN, we all need to keep that straight is an amazing source of insight and wisdom. Very handsome young man that one!
Then I left the restaurant and went shopping.....
I can't help it. The power of Visa overwhelms me.....
There was a mean Peruvian guy in the ladies clothing store that was being an ass. I could not figure out what the little nimrod was doing in there to begin with. He sure didn't look like a crossdresser? He kept yelling at the cashier. I thought about shoving him into a dressing room briefly. I did not act on this impulse....
I have a very slight sunburn from the driving about today and dashing in and out....
yech sunburns suck poo....
The sun was really hot outside and I am glad I am home and I can see the moon coming up in the sky now....
I can't wait to go swimmng with Izzy tomorrow. I am leaving for her house at 4AM...
Alejandro- This is a warning... Do not jump out of the bushes in front of my f-ing mail box again when I leave the house in the early morning or I will taze you alot.... I don't want any candy and I won't hug you and you need to stay out of my backyard at night dude because I saw you messing around out there last night. I thought I was losing my mind until I saw your stupid members only jacket on the fence. You are such a weirdo. The door IS NOT open and I will happily cut your head off if you come through it. Only God will save you if Rigo ever finds out you are following me around...... It will go very badly for you....
I don't care where my heart leads
I'm already there...Over the edge...
slipping taking no care...
what's on the other side
Can you tell what I'm gonna find?
Oh yeah? It's a wonderful feeling
dropping through air...
It's a wonderful feeling and I just
don't care
I don't care where my heart leads
I'm already there...Over the edge...
slipping taking no care...
what's on the other side
Can you tell what I'm gonna find?
I was so scared...of everything
I don't know how I got that way
Freedom is what you bring
It's sweet taste flowing as it may
I don't care where my heart leads
I'm already there...Over the edge...
slipping taking no care...
what's on the other side
Can you tell what I'm gonna find?
I can't sleep or eat but I'll not fail.
I don't even care... life is wild
Witch of four corners and veil
Are you a fool to touch a child?
I don't care where my heart leads
I'm already there...Over the edge...
slipping taking no care...
what's on the other side
Can you tell what I'm gonna find?
I'm still here....
It's been super hot here this week.... so hot in fact I can't sleep. I live in the shower. I must be the cleanest girl on the planet. My dogs live in the shower. They are the cleanest dogs on the planet. That's not true...the dog thing....
So last night was night three of like 2 hours of sleep....
I was awake until shortly before the sun came up...then I dropped the blinds and went to sleep... roughly 7 AM I was awake in my darkroom again with my pet.... hurking a brown substance on the carpet...
That could have only been 1 thing.
So I've pryed myself up for yet another day of fun filled action packed house cleaning.
The brown stuff was removed from the carpet.
I've padded into the kitchen, the smooth tile feels nice and cold against barefeet. The dishes are done... a magic dish fairy came last night? I love that dishy fairy.... he's hot looking....
Oh but wait there's more! Someone has vacuumed the oriental carpet in the living room and swept the floors?
Wow.... A full on hallucination..... I hope I can get some sleep soon.... but not today.
I have to go to the vitamin store... I was told yesterday by a really smart lady. Thank you Mishi. That she knows why I have been sick for over a year.
She asked me this...
Do you get migraines more that 3 times a week?
Yes
Do these migraines incapacitate you to the point that you must sleep and you are unable to work?
Yes
Are you sensitive to light?
I don't like bright light when I have a migraine...duh? I have irish skin which freaking falls off in the sun....read my story in Mays journals. I got nerve damage in my right shoulder from a sunburn...WTF?
Do you feel exhausted the rest of the time?
Yes
Do you hurt everwhere?
Yes, somedays are worse than others.
Then she told me that I need to go to this special store.... That there is a little white vitamin that will make me all better because she has this too. She also said I need more iron. She is a nutritionist....
I am SO HAPPY.... I hope this works.
She says the little white pill make you sleep at night and no more headaches... and the pain stops....
Wow...for somebody that hasn't slept .... I look fabulous....(I'm being a ass) but I kinda do look good today....My skin looks more normal... For a long time I've had permaburn on my skin.... I am finally almost back to my normal color... still kinda pinkish brown...
The dogs are sleeping....they are so happy especially Shasta... she just barfed on the carpet....AND I CLEANED IT UP....
Which brings me to a point.....There must be life on other planets. I am fairly certain that they think Shasta is my master. I drive her everywhere. I follow behind in public and pick up her shit. I feed her everyday. She sits on the furniture. Hmmmmm yes it's possible...
Laundry....
Do I need to write anything else?
The sun is down...finally
Nothing left to write
Nothing makes sense to me
The words I hear in my mind
The lies that people tell
I hate that I know
these things so well
I hate that I am always surprised
What the hell is going on with me?
Why can't I bolt from catastraphe?
What the hell is wrong with me?
Am I stupid, no doubt
Why is my heart so innocent?
I've seen everything and
what's it all about?
Now I know I can't do without...
I know the hour that you wake
Every nerve of my body shakes
Electricity need to survive
Everything in me comes alive
Tell me why it's like this?
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