Honor: 25 [ Give / Take ]
19 entries this month
You
04:30 Oct 29 2007
Times Read: 1,339
You can fuck off and die now...
I'm sick of your controlling bullshit mind games..
I'm done with you.
If I gave a shit you would know by now.
Go fuck yourself.
Every word you utter to me just makes me that much closer to hating you.
Haven't you hurt me enough?
Everything I did was never enough for you.
I don't care anymore.
I'm done caring what you think.
I'm taking away your power to hurt me.
Like I said previously... fuck off and die for all I care.
You mean nothing to me anymore.
What a coincidence... now we're truly equal. Since I meant nothing to you to begin with.
Inept?
07:25 Oct 27 2007
Times Read: 1,357
Sometimes I think it would be much easier if I could be the type of person who could just vocalize the way I feel. If I could be the type of person who can scream
FUCK YOU FOR HURTING ME!
If I could fight for what I want....
... and not just give in. Because I know it's what you need.
If selfishness is a necessary part of life, a lesson to be learned. I think that these days I'm failing miserably at it.
PRIVATE ENTRY
04:48 Oct 26 2007
Times Read: 1,365
• • • • PRIVATE JOURNAL ENTRY • • • •
07:18 Oct 25 2007
Times Read: 1,369
My sisters birthday is this week.
My cell phone is broken. I'm unable to call her.
I can not afford to buy or send her a gift.
I can not afford to buy or send her a card.
I feel like a dick. She went out of her way to celebrate mine this year... given the circumstances of my life the months prior to it.
Ghetto girl...
05:18 Oct 24 2007
Times Read: 1,376
I just picked a lock with a Q-Tip and an underwire. (Yes as in from a bra.)
It doesn't get much more ghetto than that.
Proof that I'm a bitch....
17:25 Oct 22 2007
Times Read: 1,391
I'm having a judgemental moment.
Some people are just fucking pathetic. It's sad really. To the point that I want to pity them.
Then I realize, that we all make choices. Being pathetic isn't something I should pity someone for. Some people choose to be a worthless excuse for a human being. They should not have my pity for this decision of theirs.
I would not expect pity from anyone else if I chose a path such as theirs.
Often I wonder how many people realize that quite a few of our own problems are self created. In our lives we make choices. In our lives we make mistakes. The idea is to deal with them, move on, and not repeat the same mistakes. Repeating the same mistakes over and over again is asinine. Setting oneself up in the same circumstances repeatedly, (with none of the factors varying at all) and expecting a different outcome is also asinine.
We are all designed to develop and grow. Evolution is part of our genetic make up.
When will people start seeing that it is only they which hinders their ability to grow?
O.O
18:20 Oct 21 2007
Times Read: 1,403
GAH!
I don't think I was ready for this snow bullshit just quite yet.
Though, I can't say I wasn't warned.
*sigh*
03:34 Oct 21 2007
Times Read: 1,407
Approximately 1 mile, or at the speed I was traveling 1.71 minutes.
That's how long it takes the endorphins to kick in these days.
It's kind of a blessing being able to go numb. Granted all of the anxiety sorrounding things didn't go away, but there was a definite change.
I'm starting to wonder what I want out of life. What I would like, and what I am handed to deal with often end up being two completely different things.
I'm not suggesting that it's completely out of my hands. Life is a series of chioces. I know this. It just seems that the choices I make, the ones that suit my personality are inconsistant with my desires.
So I figure I either change my personality (my core being), or change my desires. It's not difficult to see which one will have to give here....
Cellular service provider.....
19:30 Oct 20 2007
Times Read: 1,410
If you work for a cellular service provider I recommend not advising me of this fact.
The odds are really good right now, that if I find out you work for my cellular service provider (or cellular insurance provider) I'll have a compulsive instinct to kick you in your dick/cunt.
The people that (I've had to deal with which) work for this company are nothing but cock sucking assholes.
AAAAAHHHHHH! -.-
02:45 Oct 19 2007
Times Read: 1,420
My phone is fuckered up...
AGAIN!
Haunting
03:17 Oct 17 2007
Times Read: 1,428
Sometimes... even after a year has passed things haunt us.
When it rains it pours...18:46 Oct 14 2007
Times Read: 1,445
Some things are good in moderation.
Some things are good in excess.
Some things are not good at all.
It's been raining for over 24 hours straight. I love the rain, and I don't mind the cold (yet).
Squee! ^_^
21:02 Oct 13 2007
Times Read: 1,457
I received a very beautiful gift in the mail from a very wonderful gentleman earlier this week! =)
It's lovely. When I have access to a camera that will do it justice I'll have to take a picture of it and put it in my portfolio.
As much as I pride myself on being relitavely low maintenance, I forget that I (just like most anyone else) actually really do like to be spoiled. ;)
♥Merci♥
18:45 Oct 12 2007
Times Read: 1,469
There is a poet attempting to steal my heart.
*grins*
Randomness
07:24 Oct 12 2007
Times Read: 1,475
It figures.. I try to load a page on Chaos Theory and my computer tries to implode. =/
Something I never wanted to hear being the only adult in a house full of kids:
"If you smell PMS it's just me."
o.0 WTF??? ACK!
I L♥ve music! Korn, NIN, Linkin Park, Three Days Grace, Enigma... I could go on, and on, and on..
I L♥ve Movies! o.0 I'll spare you the infinate list. ;D
My body is completely whacked out right now. My mood usually bottoms out with the New Moon. Tonight I've been suffering from sporadic bursts of positive energy. Suffering.. Ha! I say it like it's a bad thing.
I'm thinking I could really get used to and *gasp* even like this whole having more than two seasons thing. Autumn is orgasmic!
((Check back for confirmation of actually liking seasons after Jack frost has sodomized my desert rat ass in a few months.))
I desperately want to go back to school.
I really miss my artistic nature. I think perhaps I should make a greater attempt to get back in to painting, drawing, and writing poetry.
My hair is long enough that it goes down to the small of my back again! YAY!
I often feel like I have an exceptional amount of talent waiting to be unleashed. I unfortunately lack direction and focus.
Making other people happy makes me happy. It genuinely does.
I have a scarily dark side harbored deep inside of me. It stays locked away for the most part. I won't allow it to come out and play. Often it gets me back by manifesting horrid images in my dreams.
I am extremely protective of those I love. I have recently found out there are a few (quite a few more than I thought) who reciprocate this love for me.
I need to go force myself to sleep now. =/ This energy burst is not going away and I could babble on all night like this.
Wow. If you actually read this.. I hope you enjoyed some part of it at least.
;P
0_o
20:03 Oct 09 2007
Times Read: 1,484
I was just told that my voice is sexy.
I don't know if I should be flattered or embarassed. I think I'm a bit of both actually.
I really don't think that my voice is sexy. *shrugs*
02:39 Oct 07 2007
Times Read: 1,496
I close my eyes. Only for an instant.
The surrounding world fades to black. I have entered a place of ugliness and greed. A place where selfishness is the only way. A dark entity beckons me to join them. Take the thought that always lingers in the shadows of my mind, and act upon it. They have a point. I feel hope abandon me. Why not concede? Why not admit defeat? An attempt that results in failure is an attempt none the less. We could say it was our best effort and it just wasn't meant to be.
Hope is almost lost. The darkness that surrounds me is now so thick the taste of sulfer fills my mouth. Give in, I am beckoned. I hold out. There's a memory there. A reason to stay. I reach for it. A single dim shining star appears. A beacon of hope. Of course. The star has always been there. How could I be so blind as to not see it? How could I forget my hope? I've made my choice. Today the demons will not win.
I open my eyes. It was only an instant, however, the world is now seen in a new light. The sun shines brighter than ever. For once it doesn't cause my eyes agonizing pain to look at. It seems in my brief state of despair the world arround me has changed. The once green leaves have turned to amazing hues of gold, orange, and crimson. The autumn that I have eagerly awaited, the same I was happily promised has arrived.
The turning of the leaves has brought with it the winds of change. Nature is fickle to say the least. She's a force not to be taken lightly, a force to be reckoned with. The problem with summoning her is that naïveté leads to a loss of control. The intent of the invoker must be good and pure or the outcome may far from that which was initially desired.
Things such as hearts are not designed to be made of substances like granite. It is a posession that needs to be warm and free flowing. Allowing the necessary energies to flow within. For such a thing to become cold and hardened is sad indeed. A cold and hardened heart breeds none but malice, hate, and discontent.
=/ My train of thought dreailed... too many outside influences corrupting my thought process.
I'll have to pick this one up again later if it choses to come back.
18:39 Oct 01 2007
Times Read: 1,536
I never thought I'd be saying this again. Especially not less than a year later.
Assault is assault, is assault. It's never the right thing to do. The act of doing it to someone you supposedly care about hurts more than the blow itself. Regretting it later will never compensate for the fact that it was allowed to happen.
Trusting someone enough to allow them to hurt you is a gift. By alienating that trust you remove the trust that was bestowed upon you.
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