Pessimistic view on the artcile Blackheresy found. :P
21:20 Mar 21 2009
Times Read: 1,103
O.o actually it looks more like shit that would be said in a shitty relationship in the south.... haha :P
Give him a job. Ask him to fix or build you something. Performing concrete tasks is a way of bonding that enhances his sense of success.
And hope that IF he actually does it.. he doesn't bitch about it the whole time.
Ask his opinion. Whether it's about your 401(k) options or the best travel sites, it telegraphs that you value his brain as much as you do his brawn.
His opinion will most likely be Iunno (That's I don't know, by someone too lazy to enunciate).
Wear soft materials. Delicate textures like rayon, silk, and faux fur trigger an intense response in single men. These fabrics accentuate your softer, feminine nature, which heightens his amorous instincts. Soft but cheap, so he doesn't bitch about how much it cost. As a matter of fact, maybe just stick to walmart brand.
Don his clothes. It shows that you've chosen him over other guys. Hope he doesn't yell 'your stretching out my favorite shirt with your big titties woman!'
Blow him off. Single men hate the idea of being tied down socially, so turn down occasional plans. He'll not only feel easier -- and open up more -- around you, but he'll also start to wonder what you're doing and pursue you more. Blow him off... and you'll have to clean up what him and his buddies did to your house when you come home.
Share your own fears.
“Guys often hold back because they think most chicks are baby-hungry ring-hunters”
Guys often hold back because they think most chicks are baby-hungry ring-hunters. So if you feel nervous about committing, let him know. He'll be reassured that you're navigating new waters too, not trying to trap him.Hope they don't reply with, that's the stupidest thing I ever heard.
Reinvent yourself. Little changes in your appearance now and then -- say, hair up in a ponytail one day, down the next, etc. -- remind him that you've got zillions of facets to your personality too. Read: no rut risks. IF he notices, he'll probably reply with.. "How much did THAT cost, hopefully not much."
Respect his privacy. A physical space that's totally his is a huge symbol of independence to a man. Signal that you respect that by, say, staying out of desk drawers and not peeking at his caller ID when his phone rings. Don't respect his privacy so much that it takes you a month to find his dirty boxers he stuffed in his desk drawer, or that half a sandwich he dropped under it.
Make him happier. Laugh when one of you loses balance during an intimate moment. Go to stupid movies. Drag him out when he's crabby. If you can keep things light, even during stressful times, you'll become indispensable. Good luck getting him to laugh with you and not at you.
Be a social butterfly. Guys are good at left-brain stuff, like sales and sports, but can get awkward when it comes to social graces. Take the lead and charm the people you meet and he'll be extra grateful to have you. But he may take credit for making those new friends... whatever. Hope to gawd he doesn't scratch, belch, or play a rousing game of pull my finger.
Play mind games. Activities that require mental prowess -- like Scrabble, puzzles, and chess -- can prod his passion. It sounds nuts, but proof of your problem-solving abilities subconsciously shows him you're a desirable choice for carrying on his genes. Yeah right, some of them hate it when you're smarter than they are.
Act like the grand prize. Seeing you through other people's eyes reminds him how special you are. Invite him to an event where you'll excel (whether it's karaoke or a fun run), or have him stand between you and another man you think is getting too close at a bar. 'Woman, what in the hell are you doing? He ain't looking at you!' Nuff said.
Let him see you primp. Grooming in front of him enhances intimacy because it's something other guys don't get to witness. Just keep it goddesslike (applying lipstick or powder), not gross (bleaching your moustache). 'I don't know why you go through all of that trouble... it doesn't help THAT much anyway.' nuff said again
Cook together. Being around food spikes oxytocin levels in males. The more often you prep dinner a deux, the more he'll associate you with the good feelings he gets from eating it. 'How many people do you think it takes to microwave a frozen dinner?'
Stock your pad. When buying groceries you don't have a preference on, get a brand he uses. He'll subconsciously feel at home at your place. Catnap near him or let yourself doze off in his arms so he sees you in your most trusting, completely relaxed state. But GAWD FORBID you buy the wrong shit!
haha what the fuck?08:24 Mar 10 2009
Times Read: 1,197
Redneck Pickup Lines
1) Did you fart, cause you blew me away.
2) Are your parents retarded, 'cause you sure are special.
3) My Love for you is like diarrhea .. I can't hold it in.
4) Do you have a library card, 'cause I'd like to sign you out.
5) Is there a mirror in your pants? Because I can see myself in them.
6) If you and I were Squirrels, I'd store my nuts in your hole.
7) You might not be the best looking girl here, but beauty is only a light switch away.
8) Man - "Fat Penguin!"
Woman - "WHAT?"
Man - "I just wanted to say something that would break the ice."
9) I may not be Fred Flintstone, but I bet I can make your bed-rock.
10) I can't find my puppy, can you help me find him? I think he went into this cheap motel room.
11) Your eyes are as blue as window cleaner.
12) If you're going to regret this in the morning, we can sleep until the afternoon.
13) Your face reminds me of a wrench, every time I think of it my nuts tighten up.
08:21 Mar 10 2009
Times Read: 1,198
Three smiling redneck corpses are lying in a morgue in Alabama, and a detective goes into the coroner's office to find out the cause of death.
The coroner points to the first dead man. This is Cletus, he says. He died after winning $23 million on the state lottery.
He then moves onto the second smiling corpse. This is Bo, the coroner says with a grin. He died having oral sex with Trudy-May.
Finally he moves onto the last smiling corpse. This is Roscoe, says the coroner. He died after being struck by lightning.
Well, asks the detective. Why in the hell was he smiling?
Oh, says the coroner. He thought he was having his picture taken.
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