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I can hardly believe these last 24 hours. I had a house fire last night an electrcal one and it destroyed most of my possesions at least the ones plugged in *sighs* which includes my computer so I won't be on much anymore as I don't know when I will be able to replace these things. I am at my sons house using his comp in the meantime. At least I was awake when it occured which was about midnight last night and my children, myself and the dog are fine. I just want to scream or cry and cry and cry.....

He has a silver tongue and his eloquent prose lead me astray, I seem to be attracted to that sort, the kind that are charming, seductive and brainy. Yes, smart guys turn me on in a major way. I turn to jello over a stimulating conversation hahaha. Smart is so sexy.....Anyways, he is out of my life mostly due to the fact that I got to see the other side of him. The cruel vindictive side. That silver tongue can be very sharp indeed. He said he would understand if I found someone in "real life" that he would step away and not misbehave. But that was all a lie apparently because he went off the deep end. Maybe not a lie, bad choice of words, but I think his love for me and sheer jealousy of another man in my life foreshadowed all else. I am sorry to have hurt him but we knew we would never work out. And thus here we are, unable to hold a cordial conversation..........

Did that bitch really think she could verbally spar with me, what a fool she made of herself and almost got herself suspended from here as well, just desserts in my book. Never have I seen such an unbalanced psyche as hers, the rampant jealousy, envy, anger and sheer idiotic behavior, the list goes on. Plain and simple she is nuts!! lol....I knew if I pushed her far enough she would crack and show her true nature, everyone here sees it, I almost pity her its so pathetic. Note the word "almost". She once told a close friend of mine that she was on Lithium, won't somebody please put her back on it, geesh, have mercy on us lol. A few she has fooled but they will get theirs in the end as she is wont to do. I am glad that this nightmare is at last over for battling with that uneducated ignorant fool was taxing.............

Wow, my week is improving, I made Sire and was given ACM position in my coven!! Whoo hoo! I'm jacked. Going out of town for the weekend which I need dearly, can't wait.....

I seem to be in a constant state of confusion these days. I am so mixed up, ugggh. Why can't things just be simple and clear cut. Maybe its just me that makes things complicated, that could very well be. I spoke to a close and special friend of mine from here on the phone last night well into the early morning hours and the things we discussed helped me to see things in a different light. At least I am trying to. Funny how someone I have never met in person can have so much faith in me, can see inside me like no other seems to or even tries to. Reminding me of my self worth for I seem to have little of it these days of late. I have taken a severe blow of recent times and it has hit me much harder I think than even I realized, I have lost at love and it has paralyzed me. Holding everyone at bay, even those that love me.