The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

i have been having dreams that i don't understand where i have seen my kid playing happy little family with his father and another woman and i am standing in the background filling shafted and hatred for them all. Becauseit was my kid and i should be the one out there with my famil. Only its someone else family i am just the nanny. The one that watchs the kid while the parents go off and have fun.

I woke up crying only to finally tell the baby daddy this dream and find out that his ex. lost the baby she was going to have and that mine is the replacement.

At that a bitch, and he is trying to get me to except this bullshit but i am not.

Yet my heart goes out to this girl for her loss , while the rest of me wants to kill her if she thinks my baby is hers because she has the father's full attention.

* shakes head* right now i wish that i lost this baby and she kept hers then i wouldn't be here in this bullshit.

I would have only to deal with the loss of losing a guy that i loved* words that still don't mean shit* but he w ould be happy and i would be myself trying to fix my breaken heart with sex and masicism once more.

Since he told me that he wanted his ex, I have been having nightmares. Worse because I have no sighting of zombies but I see myself as a nanny watching my baby as he plays with his fake mother and his father. I can feel my tears i the dream but when i wake, I haven't shed even a single tear.

And I found that because my emtions are out of wake and I have been going through this pregnacy alone With only talking to him over the phone or online when I can get to a phone. I snapped that day and the only thing that I want is peace and my baby.

For my child is my heart now that i have gotten use to him being inside me and soon to be with me. * sighs*

Yet my fears of having my baby taken from me to be raised away from me *shakes head*

Just something that I don't want to deal with and i know he doesn't eitiher. But I have been the stepping stone for many and the one time i let go and open up to the possiblity of not being alione. I end up getting pregnate, only to be still left with a broken heart.

To end it in court would leave me with a broken spirit as well.

Today I found out that I need to pay 114.00 bucks to the the same apartment people that i am trying to get into. I find that unbelieviable, but i have no choice but to find a way to get it paid. For i am near the due date for me to go into the hospital and i found out yesterday that my baby daddy just realized he still wants his ex.

* shakes head*

I need the apartment, Dear Luna because they plan to send a nurse out the few few weeks or so to check on the back. And what makes it so bad is that i don't have much of the baby things that i need. Because i have been in a daze trying to find my way out of the dirt cloud that i have been in.

* cries out to the shy* Luna !!!!!!!

help your lost child..