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Hmm...sort of.



I mean, a person's actions speak louder than their face. Honestly, if you are gross to look at then it might take a while before you are noticed, but otherwise...I don't know.



I think I am fairly average. People don't treat me like I am, though. I get comments about 'Amazon Queen' and "Legs" and "Slim". Men treat me like I look good. Women treat me like they wish I would roll over and die. I don't get it.



Granted, I don't think I am ugly. I never have and I will even agree one of my baby pictures is as 'cute as a button'. Still, I am getting worse with age. I have no illusions. After 34 years of life, I am not the prettiest girl on the block. Perhaps the least 'slutty' and mayhap there lies the attraction.



Men do not like a woman with brains. They do not like females who are taller than they are, or stronger than they are. They do not like totally independent women who do not and will not ever need a man in their lives to 'complete' them.



They don't want a girl who brags that being with her 'toy' is better sex than any man she has ever slept with. They do not like a girl that is more comfortable with males who allow other men to touch them (both friendly and sexually).



Men do not like girls like me. They tell me often enough for me to believe it. I scare them. I make them nervous. I embarrass them and make them fidget. Yet they stare, and hit on me, and flirt.



I guess I am cute. I don't know. When I am laughing and smiling my personality is pretty unique. Most of the time I am silent and brooding. Perhaps they like that I don't talk much? I can never tell. Most of the time it annoys them into talking to me just to fill the silence. I don't know why. They never like what I have to say...lol.



I am open-minded. Hell, I set my last lover/roommate/boyfriend up with another girl to date steady and who-knows-how-many chicks in bars. I lived with him. He did food and I did dishes. It was great.



He teased me about my 'friends' and I got him 'friends' of his own. The only difference being I didn't sleep with mine and he did. Well, I slept with one of them (wonder how etherplague is doing these days anyhow?).



I miss Jay Cralley, too. Funny...I slept with one best friend and he drifted off after the 'conquest' and the other asked me to move in with him when he moved to Boston. I refused and now he doesn't speak to me either. Males are such asses. I adored those two guys. I miss them.



The third one would still call and hang out with me, but he broke the cardinal rule. I let him date and fuck anyone he pleased. I was the perfect gal. I helped him do it! I didn't even mind that he was embarrassed of me in public and I had to pretend we were never lovers. That was fine. He was 13 years older than me and had a daughter about my age. I get it, but hell...He ditched me.



He ran out on me and left me financially hurting and helplessly dependent on my asshole of a boss that would rather get in my pants than have me work for him. I lost the house. I lost the job. I had to move back in with my parents for nearly a year. That is not forgivable. I still miss him sometimes, but he was a jerk. He could have been perfect. He didn't want to be though. He wanted to wallow in pity and booze and sex.



Don't get me wrong; the sex was good (with him at least-hence the attraction). Sad really...A 34 year old female should not honestly be able to say that the best sex she's had outside of private bedroom antics with her personal toys is with a 13 year older male with severe blood pressure and back problems. Damn, the man barely even had the equipment to get the job done! Still, he had talent. I loved it. I miss it, but I won't be a guy for sex alone. Not worth the effort.



I do miss having a man in my life, but not the shit that is attached to it. I want a man. Not some whining, bitching, teenager with a boner. I am not looking for kids, marriage and the love of my life. I am not looking for illusions. I just want a smart, independent male who wants a partner to share the good and bad and indifferent with.



Hard to find? It shouldn't be, but it is. I hate most people. I can put up with anyone and anything, but human beings disgust me. I hate perverse stupidity, assholes, and potty humor. I hate cold ass cruelty in any form or fashion. I hate males who want no more than sex (unless very hot and I am looking for a one night stand somewhere).



Oh, well...I know I am no shining diamond. I am a bitch, pure and simple. If I could find even one guy that got even halfway along with me, I would put up with a great deal just to have him for a friend.



Jenna Karro