The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

(Off colored areas signify dreams, memories, or 'visions' in this story line)



I was back on my feet. I loved Nashville. That was the city Antonie had sent me to. There were so many things here that fascinated me. I loved the music, even that nasty metal grinding stuff the angel had forced us to listen to until Patrick had figured out how to change the station for the hotel room’s music. By then, I had started liking it. If I made a comment about missing the stuff, Patrick would groan and moan about it being horrid to tease him so. I wasn’t joking, but I didn’t hound him to change it back.



I was still weak when I stood up for too long, but my legs were looking better and better. Most people who suffered such a wound would have someone send them to sleep until it healed…in about a thousand years…a few hundred if you were a quick healer. I was quick, but I didn’t like the other option. I was lucky and I knew it. I was enjoying that new found luck…shopping, when it felt like someone had punched me in the chest.



“Son of a bitch,” I whispered. Patrick started turning to me. He frowned when I wasn’t where he expected and then called my name. I almost fell. That was the only thing that gave me away. Sil’lance swore and pushed the boy. The kid fled, but I wasn’t after him. Hatred flooded through me. Sil’lance was too stupid to even run. He was staring at me in amazement.



“You cannot hurt him! Antonie made you swear you cannot hurt him,” Patrick urged me as he pulled me back from my death, because if I had touched him…I would have killed him. There wouldn’t be any second chances this time. I hated him with all of my heart. For a minute, the relief in his eyes confused me.



Sil’lance was shoved by someone that parted out of the crowd. “You were warned not to come here,” the stranger stated firmly turning him to leave the area. Sil’lance glanced back over his shoulder and almost smiled at me. It was my legs. He was glad to see me healed. He had felt bad knowing what had happened. I didn’t know how to take that, so I let Patrick lead me back to my chair before I fell down. I watched Sil’lance leave.



Then, I buried my face in my hands. Gods, why had he come here? All of the things Sil’lance had said about me echoed in my mind. I could have forgiven him if he hadn’t taunted my father with such horrible words. Sil’lance hadn’t meant for me to be hurt when he told the psychic what I was. I knew that. He had protected me for twenty years, but those words…left a bitter taste in my throat.



I had honestly believed Sil’lance cared for me somewhat. The things he had said to my father had not been about caring, so much as protecting property you didn’t wish to share with anyone. It had been demeaning…and down-right cold-hearted, but he had also been trying to hurt my dad. That Sil’lance had accomplished rather well with his wording, but had he meant it when he practically called me gutter trash? Or had Sil’lance said it only to hurt my father, because he had thought I would never hear the words?



Regardless of his reasoning, I wasn’t sure I could forgive him. I was one thing to be treated like shit by strangers, but it something else entirely to be called shit by an assumed friend. I thought I knew Sil’lance, but I had no idea who he was. That fact was glaringly obvious. I had not known he was an old acquaintance of my father that was mad at him over something. I hadn’t even known they knew each other before Sil’lance joined me in the pit. The ‘vision’s had clearly hinted at a long history between the two males. Hell, both of them know Antonie and Justin. I had never heard of one of them before. I had more questions than I had answers and I didn’t have anyone I could rely anymore.



“Are you okay, Sil?” I looked up at Patrick and nodded without really seeing him, or thinking about it.



Another stranger peeled out of the crowd and came over to us. “Perhaps it would help if the two of you visited with Antonie once more,” the male stated softly as he passed. Patrick liked that idea. The stranger had caught my attention and I could see how much the Mer worried simply by the relief on his face.



“Would you like to go back for a quick talk, or anything,” Patrick asked me. I nodded to him and he began to push us out of the store and back to the hotel.



I did want to go back, but not to speak to Antonie. I would pretend, but it was my dad and Justin I wished to see. Even if my father didn’t want to see me, I needed to be near him. He didn’t seem too angry with me at the moment and I doubted Antonie and Justin would allow him to hurt me.



I did want to meet Justin too. I still remembered the affection in my father’s voice and eyes as he told me about him when I was a kid. This was the man he had known almost all of his long, long life. My father respected him. He did not tell me stories about anyone else. Justin had made him happy when nothing else could. He was my father’s friend…Ifrit was his hero, the same way my dad had always been mine…and that was enough. I wanted to see him. I wanted to talk to the Fire God, Ifrit. I wanted to know what he wanted from me.



It was all arranged by phone. I assumed we would be taken back the way we had showed up, by plane and limo. Instead, it was arranged for us to wake very early before the sun was up. The bedroom had to be dark. That was all we were told. Someone would be there to pick us up and we did not need to bring anything except the clothing on our backs. I was impatient and wanted to be up walking around, but I was forcing myself to sit quietly on the couch. If we did go, I did not want to be stuck in my chair the whole time because I had worn myself out too quickly. Oddly, a man walked out of our closed, dark bedroom. I had no idea how he had done it.



Patrick was startled and made several very unmanly noises before he controlled his panic. I was busy studying the new arrival. He was flushed and enjoying Patrick’s fear. He had black hair and skin that looked very pale, except for the added pink where the blood ran close to the surface in his thin skin. His lips were extremely plump and dark. I was caught staring into his eyes as he walked closer with that amused, cold smile twisting over his features. I thought they were huge black holes, but as he drew near…I noted they were a washed out, pale blue. Normal eyes…normal, so why had I felt trapped staring into them? Patrick hissed something that vaguely resembled the word ‘vampire’ and the stranger smiled wide enough to show pointed incisors. He licked one of them to be a dick. Patrick was not amused, but I almost smiled at the two of them.



“I am not going,” Patrick stated firmly. “I will swim in the damn river until you get back, but I am not going anywhere with that thing!”



The vampire frowned petulantly, as if he really didn’t give a shit and it probably made his job easier anyhow, so if he wanted to be a big baby…so be it. “Well, I do and he doesn’t bother me,” I stated. “When…and how…do we get there?” The vampire simply held out his hand.



Patrick came over and helped me get to my feet. Walking I could do, but standing up was still difficult. There just weren’t many muscles to do the work of lifting for me. Once I had my balance, I moved to stand by the vampire who was slowly backing towards the darkness of the bedroom as I walked to him. By the time I reached for his hand, we were partially inside of the shadows. I felt him jerk me towards his chest. I lost my balance and he had to catch me. When I felt comfortable standing on my own again, I was inside the darkened lounge at Antonie’s house. The vampire smiled at me and turned to leave without a word of explanation. A pale, white-haired ghost of a man met him at the door and quickly pulled him away.



“Okay, that was just weird.” I walked carefully out of the lounge. Usually, I had someone nearby to catch me if I started to fall. Being on my own was starting to feel more dangerous than liberating. Justin was waiting on the top half of the stairs. Thankfully, he came down to me when he saw how shaky my balance still was. I didn’t think anything about touching him. I was used to keeping a hand on or near Patrick for balance and reassurance. I felt an electric pulse off of him just before my hand closed around his arm. I had the feeling touching him without asking first was a bad thing, but by then it was too late to pull back. His skin was almost stovetop hot, but the heat backed down swiftly enough that it didn’t burn me. “Yeah, that was weird too…”



“Sorry,” Justin stated as he put his arm around my waist. I didn’t really like that, but his other hand had the arm that I had been using to hold him. Antonie was just coming into the hallway and looked both startled and amused to see Justin helping me.



“This isn’t like a two-for-one deal, is it,” I asked nervously. “Because my dad seems to have issues with his lovers touching me…” It was the first thing that popped into my head as I was nearly pulled off of my feet up the staircase by him. Gods, he didn’t look that strong in this thin, pale version of himself.



I heard a sharp, startled laugh from the first floor and looked down to see Antonie covering his mouth with a shocked expression as if the laugh had not been welcomed. Justin let go of me at the top after making sure I could reach the banister. He also looked down at Antonie, but by now his lovely friend below had schooled his face into a solemn expression and thoughtfully patient eyes. Justin wasn’t fooled. He made a noise of pure disgust. “The things in your head,” Justin whispered before looking confused. “Would you really?” Antonie gave him an evil grin and Justin drew in a sharp breath. “Yes, I suppose you would,” he added with a hint of both disapproval and amusement. Justin waved me towards the large, gilded doors to his bedroom.



“You still have him chained naked in your bed,” I stated stupidly in surprise. Justin didn’t like that. I heard another sharp bark of laughter from below, which Justin pointedly ignored as I blushed. “Well, maybe not chained,” I added nervously. Justin’s eyes narrowed. I bit my lip.



“Why didn’t you just spy on him and see for yourself,” Justin asked dangerously. I couldn’t help turning red-faced as I remembered what the two of them had been doing the last time. Hell, I could still ‘feel’ that hot flesh moving up into…and against…me, before he had tried to pull away without being too noticeable about it.



“I think I will just use the door, if that is okay with you,” I whispered with a thick swallow past the lump suddenly clogging up my throat. Gods, I was embarrassed. I didn’t need Antonie to have to leave the room because he was laughing too hard to hide it. I didn’t need to see Justin back away from the edge of the banister to smile slyly at me either. He had planned every second of that to tease his friend.



I tried to ignore the embarrassment and just go to where he had indicated. I should have known the ancient would have one more ace up his sleeve. Hadn’t my dad taught me anything about Ifrit’s nature? He was the master of embarrassing situations. I pushed open the door and there he was…just as I had said he would be…minus the chains. Justin pushed me a little and it took me more steps than I liked to catch my balance again. It put me close to him…not Justin…my dad.



I swallowed harder. That lump was getting uncomfortable. I had forgotten his hair was a dark brown. It had been golden brown when I was a kid. Years out of the sun, hiding down in the earth, had turned it nearly black. A few streaks of gold had begun to lighten it again. It was thick and almost shaggy, like…a bear’s pelt…or a boar’shra. Gods, I missed his hair. I backed up a step, but I must have made a noise. Fear swelled sharp and instant. I was back to being a kid again, who had accidentally caught him crying. I was just suddenly certain he would attack me before I could get away.



His back was to me as he sat up. He turned just a little at the waist as he looked back and pushed his hair up a little. When he saw me, his head went down and so did his hair. He turned back away from me before he stopped himself rigidly with a soft ‘shit’. Then, he looked again and his face was angry, but not at me. “Gods, you do make for the most embarrassing conversations,” he hissed softly.



Justin chuckled behind me. I glanced around carefully and saw him sitting on the edge of a heavy desk I hadn’t noticed earlier. Did he bring business into his bedroom often? What a tease…Justin’s eyes narrowed dangerously at me and I realized he was listening to what I thought. Embarrassing…I was so not interested in men anymore. Just the thought of it…made me almost sick, but I squashed it. Justin didn’t like that. “Would you rather I undressed him and made you both equally uncomfortable?” My father looked startled. “Be advised before you answer that there is only one bed sheet,” Justin teased playfully.



My dad swore and laughed. “Gods, you would too! Behave you meddling fireball…” Justin chuckled and went over to stand beside the balcony. He even opened the glass doors to step outside for a moment. I knew he wouldn’t stay there long and oddly the thought comforted me. I was scared. I had wanted to see my dad, but not like this. I had just wanted to ‘see’ him, not be forced to have a conversation with him. Father slowly turned back to me. He was studying me, mostly my arms and legs. I seriously hoped I didn’t embarrass myself further by falling in front of him. I wasn’t in a heavy suit, so much as a light pair of jeans and a soft t-shirt, but I could already feel the strain of it on my calves. “You look good…no scars.”



I choked up. I wanted to say so much, and I couldn’t say a thing. I just looked down at the floor and shrugged. “Patri…I don’t know how he did it,” I finally managed. Father drew up one leg uncomfortably holding the sheet tight against his waist and trying very hard to make it look calm.



“Silvern,” Father sighed sadly with a shake of his head before he looked away from me. “I don’t know what to say to you anymore.”



That pretty much summed up our entire relationship. It was disappointing, but it covered all of it. Justin made a sound from back by his desk again that made my dad angry. I was startled when Father got up out of the bed. I stepped backwards in surprise, but he wasn’t coming towards me. A hand on my back steadied me. Damn, that man moved fast and quiet, I thought as I looked back at Justin. The ancient was not looking at me. Once he was sure I was safe, he moved up by the bed and stared.



The sheet was covering every inch of him from armpits down, but the sun through the balcony doors where he stood looking out over the view was detailing every inch of his body as if he were not wearing a thing. It added a touch of gold to his naturally tan complexion…not glittery gold, just sunlight. He looked lost. He looked sad and lonely. Apparently, I wasn’t the only one who thought it. Justin was just suddenly behind him, wrapping him up in those thick arms of his. Yes, thick…he was back to looking like the golden warrior Ifrit again. Father dropped the sheet almost as if he forgot it and Ifrit turned it down until it was doubled over his waist and thighs. He held it in place as he snuggled himself into my father’s shoulder comfortably. I had never seen Father so relaxed with anyone…except mom. Even then, there hadn’t been anything…soft about him…unless he had been looking at me. He was both with Ifrit and that alone told me how close they were.



I felt like an interloper who was very unwelcome. I would have turned to go, but I couldn’t. I was almost sure Ifrit was keeping me here. The ancient, who made my ancient father feel like a kid, turned his face to glance back at me but he kept it resting on my dad’s shoulder peacefully. “How about,” Justin drawled lazily hugging him tighter when Father started to protest, “I missed you. It is so good to see you too. Or just telling him that you are sorry you listened to a pack of fools and abandoned him…that you broke his heart,” Justin whispered. My dad closed his eyes and made a soft sound that was very close to agony. “Forgive me?”



I didn’t know if Justin was asking my father to forgive him, or if he thought my father should be asking me. I didn’t care. In that second, I knew just the right thing to say. “Silly,” I whispered thickly. It got both of them to looking at me in surprise. “I would forgive you anything…if you just asked.”



“Sil…” My dad looked close to tears, but I beat him to it.



“You never asked. I thought you would just say ‘I am sorry’, but you never did!”



My father turned away…just like he always did. His eyes were hollowing out again and it scared me. I didn’t like it. He was dying inside and I hated that I had caused that. The whole blasted argument had been over me. He had been so beautiful, and I had killed him. Granted, my uncle had helped, but it was my fault they were able to hurt him. If he hadn’t loved me, none of this would have…could have…ever happened. I couldn’t breathe. It wasn’t any different. It would never be any different. My father didn’t exist anymore. I was grateful a part of him had survived, but there was no place for me here. I started to turn to go, but made a sound when I was forcibly stopped again mid-turn. I saw Justin’s hand slide up my dad’s arm and he kissed his neck as he whispered something to him.



Justin stepped back away from him and the sheet melted away into a pair of comfortable black pants. Father didn’t look surprised, so I assumed he had done it himself. “You hate me,” Father whispered looking like he had no clue what he was supposed to be saying or doing.



“No,” Justin stated firmly. “He does not, nor has he ever…hated you, Moese.”



I wanted to hide. Gods, I didn’t want to stand here. My legs were burning with pain and Justin would not let me go. I was shaking, so close to falling down. I would if he held me here any longer. By the time my father turned to look at me, I was really shaking and struggling to keep the pain off of my face. Surprisingly, Father moved and I felt him slip his arms around me to take the weight off of my legs as he hugged me into him tightly. I probably sounded like a little kid when I clutched at him and clung to him.



“You are bigger,” Father whispered. He sounded so…pleased.



I choked on a half laugh and half sound of disbelief. “I was four the last time we did this!” I hid my embarrassment in his chest. He was still much bigger than me. I was like Antonie; I would never be considered big. Strong, yes, but not big, I thought.



Father’s arms tightened almost painfully. “The things they accused me of doing to you,” he whispered angrily. I felt him tremble and knew he was pissed. It worried me, but I knew this time his anger wasn’t at me. “Gods, I never…I wouldn’t have!” I heard the husky thickness of pain in his voice. I knew they had lied to him. I knew it, I thought angrily. I didn’t know how, but they had made him believe…something.



“Moese,” Justin stated carefully. “No one told him.” Father looked back at him in shock. “He knows you didn’t hurt him, but you left him.”



Perhaps that was not the best wording, because Father reacted as if someone had stabbed him in the gut. “Oh, Gods…I thought…” He shook his head in denial. “I thought they had accused me just because of…”



Father didn’t finish the sentence out loud. I held onto him, because I had no choice. I would be in the floor if he let me go, and I wasn’t about to pass up the chance to touch him. I didn’t know how long it would last. It was like my home had suddenly vanished one day and for a brief moment…I had it back. I wasn’t about to let him go. I didn’t care about the conversation anymore, but I knew it would bite me if someone didn’t do something to head off his protests soon. I was hoping Justin was reading his mind and he was…I didn’t realize he was still reading mine too.



“You did nothing wrong, Moese. The boy knows that. You did exactly what most of our kind do with sons. We want them to mature fast; we need them to for their own safety. You did start the process, but you did not do anything wrong,” perhaps Justin read the spurt of irritation in me that sentence kept drawing up, “except leave him. He would have gone with you if you had asked.”



“If I didn’t do it,” Father muttered with a dark look crossing his face. “I left him there. I didn’t even make sure he was safe. I just left. If it wasn’t what I did, then I shouldn’t have left him alone.”



“Stop thinking so hard, Mosin,” Justin sighed. “Nothing you are imagining happened to him. He has no clue what most people do when they get their powers. He only knows how he got his. No one told him.” Father was as confused as I was. He made me look up at him and I was worried, but not unduly upset. I didn’t know what they meant. It was clear my father was stunned…Justin moved closer, but he didn’t touch me. He was careful to only touch my dad’s back through a thick pelt of hair. “Every time we were together, I gave you a…container of…stuff,” he finished lamely. That was really informative. “Do you remember what I am talking about?” I think my father flushed straight down to his roots. He certainly remembered. From the look on Father’s face, the wording was chosen with great care to keep me in the dark. Okay, I was seriously interested. What ‘stuff’? “Did you still have some of it when the boy was four,” Justin asked almost sounding like he wanted to laugh. It would have been very inappropriate if he had.



“I did have a little, but it came up miss…” A look of pure horror made him drop me. Father turned and went towards the balcony as Justin barely caught me. I gasped and Justin’s arms were just simply there pulling me back up to my feet. It must have been a hard choice to make. Justin steered me to the bed and dropped me there just as a scream ripped a sharp tension into Justin’s body. I crawled back onto the mattress. Justin was blocking my line of sight. I was hoping Father hadn’t hurled himself off of the balcony. He was on the ground clutching the balcony rail with a look in his eyes I never wished to see again. I had a moment to wonder that it was the same look Sil’lance had worn while he was clutching the viewing globe. From his breathing, Father was about to throw up and fighting it hard.



Justin was there by now trying to get him to his feet, but Father pushed him back firmly. “How do you think I feel? I am the bastard that created the stuff,” Justin hissed at him. “Mosin…”



“Tell me,” Father choked. “You said he knew, so tell me.”



“You did start it,” Justin stated softly. “Taylor saw you that day.” Father’s face clenched with pure fury. “After you left, he made sure to keep the boy…the same…until everyone was gone. He put the cream on him and laid him in bed. He left.”



My dad made a groan. His face pinched with disgusted fury. “Gods, I would almost rather he had raped him than that,” he snarled in horror.



Justin wasn’t shocked by his words, but hell…I was. “He was four-years-old, Moese,” Justin cautioned him. “Do you really think that was the better option?”



Father seemed to literally think about it. I was surprised he had to consider which was worse. “No, probably not,” he finally whispered. “I know the damage it does when you are so small. That wouldn’t have been better.”



“Careful, Moese,” Justin whispered kneeling down to stroke his spine soothingly. He ‘knew’ the damage it would do? How the hell did he ‘know’? I had never seen anyone rape a four-year-old before. I was tempted to spy on him right this second and ‘see’ what he had meant. I couldn’t imagine my father hurting a kid. “Then, don’t imagine it,” Justin stated angrily. I looked up and met his angry eyes. Father hid his face. He must have known what I was thinking. He looked ashamed, but not…guilty…Shit. Justin looked furious, but he kept comforting my dad. “Don’t remember it, Moese. It was a long time ago.”



“I am okay. I just need a minute. Please,” Father whispered as he got up shakily and moved into the room out of the brightness of the light. “Can the two of you just…give me a minute?”



I sucked in a loud gasp of fright as I was engulfed in flames and pitched out the window. Okay, not my favorite way of travel, I decided when my ass slid down to the grass softly and fire swirled around me. It drew to one side and became Justin…the tall, pale Justin that lived here. It was odd to see him shift from golden God to fragile and nearly human. When I felt I could speak without screaming from sheer terror, I stated sullenly, “Do not…ever…do that to me again…without warning me…first!”



Justin did not look like he was in a good mood, so I left it at that. I watched the upper balcony as Father gently closed the doors sealing everyone out, except maybe the Phoenix. It was his room, after all. Did the wards block him out too? I didn’t think so. He was staring out over the cliff at the ocean. He looked so fucking mad. I did not want to be on the receiving end of that much wrath. I almost missed it when he spoke. His words were very, very soft. “Do you think him cruel that he threw you into the pit?”



I was surprised he couldn’t tell, but it wasn’t anything I really thought about. I didn’t blame my dad for that punishment. I blamed myself. Honestly, I was really surprised he had gone to such trouble to keep me alive, especially thinking I was going to get out and murder him one day. “No, I might have when I was first put there. After a while, it didn’t matter…nothing did. You actually get used to it until it is…very nearly boring.” Just saying those words out loud made me understand some things. I was made at Sil’lance for making me sound like trash, but sometimes I had thought of myself that way. It had taken years, years while Sil’lance had kept me safe from everyone, to realize that I was whatever I believed I was.



Perhaps I still didn’t quite believe that, but I could. I knew I could. I had proved it to myself when I had stabbed Sil’lance. I could have killed him. I had chosen not to do it, but I had the ability to kill the best warrior I knew. I deeply regretted that choice. I really did want him dead now. Justin drew me up to my feet and I felt a tingle of electricity run through me. Damn, this guy was pure energy! It almost fried you to get close to him unless he willingly toned it down.



“All of that rage, and aimed at the wrong target,” Justin whispered staring deep into my eyes. “You have said it yourself, time and time again. Sil’lance did not harm you. He kept you safe and he tried to protect you even when you would have betrayed him. It was not Sil’lance. That kid of his has fed on nothing, but anger since he was born. Sil’lance will get over being mad at your father, but the boy won’t. He hates your dad, Silvern. Your father has never mistreated him, yet he hates him. Who told Sil’lance you were a changeling, Silvern?”



“My brother, but…”



“Who told Sil’lance how to hide you from your dad? Who did it without explaining the consequences of his actions to him first, Silvern?”



“My brother, but…”



“Who suggested finding a psychic? Sil’lance would not have thought of that one on his own. This boy had everything you have ever wanted. Who? Knowing that it would mean your death and torture, Silvern?”



“My brother,” I whispered feeling terribly cold inside. Why hadn’t I ever seen how simple it was?



“Your father has been hurt enough, hasn’t he? You have been hurt enough. Who is going to kill your dad, Silvern? Who is going to take the life of someone I can give you back? How long have you dreamed of having your father’s love again? Who is going to take him from you the next time?”



“My brother,” I stated almost angrily. Those dark eyes were almost pure silver suddenly. They were almost dizzying to look into.



“Should you be so intent on killing a man Moese does not want to die…Who should you want to kill, Sil?”



I made a soft sound. I felt something in me snap and reform. I felt the world solidify and make far more sense to me. My legs were not weak. They were strong and I was strong…and I knew this answer. “My brother…”



“Your brother,” Justin whispered happily. “You are an excellent tracker, Silvern. No one can get away from you when you put your nose to it…no one.” That was true. That had always been true.



Justin jerked away from me and looked up at the balcony. My dad stood there. I would do anything for him. Justin was right. Sil’lance might be a bastard, but it was my brother who needed to die. My dad called down to us looking worried, “What did you do, Justin?”



“Nothing,” Justin stated looking as pleased as the cat who had just managed to scarf down the canary without being caught. I watched him burst into flames and reform next to my dad up on the balcony. “Let it be.”



I couldn’t move. I wasn’t sure why. I knew what I wanted to do. I even knew where to start. I could smell him. Antonie must have brought both of them back here after the incident in the department store. They hadn’t been gone long. I could still smell them. I turned towards the house smelling that scent and wanting to follow it, but my feet would not move.



“What did you do, Justin?” I looked up at my father and found him watching me with a worried frown.



“Let it be. I just made sure he blamed the right person. What he does is entirely up to him now. Let it be and I will make good on that promise I made to you…so long ago,” Justin offered firmly. He really wanted my dad to ignore it. I had a feeling he wouldn’t let me leave unless my father approved. I heard only in my head, like a little whisper of the wind, ‘You will have to forgive Sil’lance if you do this. I will erase from his mind the few times he touched you for sex, and you will have to forgive him. Your father has no one left. I can give it all back to him. If you kill the boy, and forgive Sil’lance, I can make him happy again.’



I tried to move. Gods, I wanted to do it! I did. More than I had been determined to kill Sil’lance, because that had felt wrong. This felt right. “I agree…just let me go,” I growled softly.



Justin pulled my father slowly back into his room. The doors were still open. I could still hear him. “Let it be, Moese. Let me do this for you. Please, I can’t stand the thought of you dying too. Let me do this.”



My dad turned to look at me. I wanted to do this! He hated it; I could tell he hated it. Before he shut the doors, I heard him whisper, “Not for me, but for you…I would agree to anything you asked of me, Ifrit.” As the doors shut, I was released. I didn’t move for a minute. I was replaying my father’s words in my head. That sounded like a pretty good ‘okay’, didn’t it? Did it matter? I didn’t want my dad dead. I didn’t want that brat to kill him. Hell, the brat had purposely had me tortured. He had wanted me to die…painfully. I had never done a thing to deserve that, but the boy…he had earned death from me. He had earned it and I would make sure he paid.



Sil’lance…I was waiting when he came back to the hotel room. I knew he had felt the boy die, snuffed out after seeing something that had not made any sense to him. I watched him walk into the bedroom and stare down at the blood on the bed in shock. I watched him turn very slowly to see the boar’shra that formed behind him with a look of stunned terror in his eyes. “Moese,” Sil’lance whispered. I knew what the Fire God intended to do with him. I would have to forgive him. I couldn’t forgive him, not yet. Sil’lance looked confused when the huge creature standing before him didn’t immediately kill him. I stepped closer to him and watched his face pinch with disgust as he stumbled and fell back into the blood on the bed. Blood he knew; blood that sickened him for so many reasons as he lay there in it passively enough that I could have killed him for real this time. I towered over him and there was despair in his face as he looked up at me. “Moese, please…” He really thought my father had come to finish him. I had never seen such sadness in his eyes.



Perhaps he really did love my father, I thought in surprise as I allowed myself to shift slowly back to just me. The anger on my face stunned him just as much as looking at the boar’shra, but there was also a measure of relief that I didn’t understand. I knew I could still kill him, but he would be grateful it was me and not my father doing the deed. Sil’lance would be just as dead, but he was glad it was not someone he loved killing him. He made a sound of pure pain when I straddled his waist. He looked up at his wrist in surprise to see the silver dagger pinning it to the wooden headboard. “Silvern,” Sil’lance whispered with a wince. I ran my hands along his chest almost as if I intended to seduce him. To say he was confused would have been an understatement. “So, you really mean to do it this time…You have already killed a piece of me, Silver.” I knew that. I knew how awful it had felt for him to feel the boar’shra’s claws tearing into him. I knew he had been helpless to save himself and scared shitless as he felt me kill a part of his soul. I knew he had been here. I had seen it in my brother’s eyes as he had died. Sil’lance had felt every second of it as I tore him into pieces slowly.



I snarled as I shifted on top on him into a thing with claws and animal teeth. I felt him tense, but he couldn’t counter with magic as long as the silver dagger was buried into his flesh. Nothing other than magic would be fast enough to save him if I had meant to kill him. I tore his clothes off of him swiftly and pinned his other hand to the headboard with a second dagger. He screamed for me this time, but not so loud. No, not so loud as to bring unwanted company into the room. By the time the pain of it faded, I was normal again and just as bared to the skin as I slid my body over him. “Silvern, don’t do this. If you mean to kill me, just kill me.”



“I thought you liked this,” I whispered to him as I teased his body with my skin. Sil’lance was reacting to me despite his attempt to make me stop. I think my purr surprised him as much as my words. He had always liked my cat…perhaps…I let some of the cat fur flow over my skin. I didn’t change shapes; I simply allowed the soft fur to grow over me like a silvery pelt that I was wearing like clothing. Sil’lance swallowed hard as I rubbed that over his skin. He hadn’t often turned to me for sex. I had wondered about that, but his expression alone told me why. He wasn’t attracted to me, but he did like my furry cat. That would explain it. The few times he had touched me had been after a hunt when I was sleeping. He had never touched me when I was awake. “You have fucked me a dozen times, Sil’lance.” He winced. “Funny, I haven’t been awake once for it.”



“Silvern, don’t do this,” Sil’lance begged me.



“Why? You have already done it to me.” I saw his eyes harden as he looked into the cold fury of my eyes. “Did you really think I would forgive you so easily? Did you really think I would not hear the words you shouted at my father?” My fury was a living breathing presence in the room. Sil’lance gasped and looked sad. He closed his eyes to hide the hurt in them. “Did I think I wouldn’t know what you thought of me eventually, Sil’lance?”



“I swear to you, I never meant for you to hear that, Silvern,” Sil’lance whispered painfully. For a moment, I wanted to believe him. For a moment, I didn’t care.



“Prove it,” I growled as I rubbed myself over him softly. I felt nothing. It had been a long time since I had felt anything at all when faced with the prospect of sex with anyone. A dozen times and I couldn’t remember a single one. I would forgive him, but not for that. Ifrit meant to erase every memory from Sil’lance’s mind. I knew why, but it wasn’t fair to me to not remember. I would want to hurt him eventually, but right this second…I had things I wanted from him. Sil’lance stared at me like I was beautiful, but as if it was painful to look at me too. I looked nothing like my father. In fact, I looked a great deal like my uncle. “Did you help Taylor find a way to get rid of me? Were you waiting back at the castle for my father to return to you?”



Stricken…Oh, Gods…I had guessed. “No, Silvern, I had nothing to do with what he did! I did want your father back. I was at the castle, but I never…I never would have approved of what he did! I wouldn’t have done that to Moese! You didn’t see what it did to him; I was there. I saw how much it hurt him! I saw…how much he loved you and what it did to lose you. He threw me out, Silvern. Even when he was in so much pain, he needed me…he threw me out.”



Oddly, his words made me feel better. I spread his hair around his head on the pillow and leaned in to kiss him. He turned his face away and I jerked him back. I leaned in again and this time he kissed me, leaning into it with a purr of pure pleasure. “Silvern,” Sil’lance whispered huskily with a sound of pain in his voice as I drew away. Oh, he wanted me and he hated himself for it. He was good at kissing. I wondered what else he was good at. I let the fur melt back into my skin and kissed my way down his face and neck and chest. Claws sprouted on one hand and I ripped his ribs open to the bones. He screamed for me. Oh, yes, he screamed and screamed.



I drew up a mist to shroud us. I knew what I wanted. There was no reason I couldn’t do it. The bed and both of us disappeared from the room to settle into the thick silt at the bottom of Antonie’s lake. I knew Ifrit would probably sense me there, and I knew Antonie would know. I just hoped they would keep my father from feeling it. A bubble of air sealed like a glass dome over us trying to trap his screams, but I knew anything in the water could hear it. Sound traveled really well in water. I hardened the barrier above me until I was certain nothing but a powerful ancient could get through it. Then, I settled back to seduce my old lover again. This time, there was both fear and lust in Sil’lance’s eyes. Oh, he was pretty sure how this was going to go down by now. He just didn’t know I if I planned to let him live through it.



Sil’lance was barely alive, barely conscious when I delivered him to Ifrit. I knew the ancient could heal him, so I wasn’t too worried about his suffering. Ifrit seemed puzzled when I dropped Sil’lance at his feet. My father got up from the bed too stunned to be aware that he was not dressed for a moment as he stared in horror at the mess I had made. Sil’lance was bleeding all over Ifrit’s floor, but I was also sure my dad could clean that up…or I could, but I didn’t really want to do it. I liked the blood being there.



“Silvern,” Ifrit sighed softly. “Why did you bring him here? I said you would have to forgive him if you did it this way…This doesn’t look very forgiving.” My father finally remembered his pants as he moved in behind Ifrit with a look of agony in his eyes as he looked down at Sil’lance. There was more in his eyes as he looked at me with a look that said clearly he had no idea who I was. I hated that look, but it was accurate.



“I will forgive him…now,” I stated softly.



Ifrit studied me carefully. “You are sure. I will have to erase…parts of it,” the ancient stated warily.



“I knew that before I started on him. Trust me, I want him to forget…parts of it,” I stated as I looked my dad in the eyes. Ifrit took me at my word. He knelt down and pulled Sil’lance up to face him roughly by his hair. I saw Sil’lance look at me with so much sorrow in his eyes. He hadn’t wanted to live by the time I was through with him. He knew how much he had hurt me…now. I didn’t want him to forget that. I didn’t want him to forget the pain, but I didn’t want my dad to have memories of fucking me either.



Ifrit intended to pair bond the two males. So all that Sil’lance knew my dad would know…and vice versa. That is why my brother had to die if my father lived. Ifrit intended to replace all my father had lost, by giving him a new companion…a new mate…who had not even been born yet. Ifrit was the only ancient in all of the legends who was rumored to be able to do such a thing. I let mist wash me of the blood as I stepped around Ifrit. It would take him a minute to wash his mind of anything my father would find too painful to endure.



Moese did not back away from me, but I could see the concern in his eyes as I came up to him. “I wanted to kill him. I did, but I knew it would hurt you,” I whispered. I saw him blink and look down as his eyes got moist. “I will forgive him. I promised I would, but…I don’t think I could stand to be his friend if he didn’t understand something very important first.”



Father looked up at me. “What did you hope to teach him?”



“You see it even if he does not,” I whispered.



Ifrit sounded disgusted. We both looked at him. “Perhaps I should implant it in his head while I am about it,” Ifrit suggested rudely. “The idiot should have known better than to make you his enemy.” Sil’lance looked ashamed. “Perhaps you should take care to not anger such dangerous creatures in the future…If you think boar’shra are rare and deadly things, you should have known better than to hurt a changeling.”



Ifrit picked Sil’lance up and the wounds melted off of his body before he reached his feet. Ifrit held his other hand out to Moese. My father hesitated with a concerned look at me. I smiled at him encouragingly. He took the other hand and they both began to melt into separate balls of pure energy. Ifrit combined them and working his hands over them concentrating as I left the room.



2009, (Jenna Karro). All rights reserved. No republication of this material, in any form or medium, is permitted without express permission of the author.