A couple of jokes from a friend today.04:50 Apr 26 2007
Times Read: 571
Why don't rabbits make noise when they're making love?
Because they have cotton balls!
The horniest guy in the world is stuck on an island with just a monkey. After a while, he gets so horny he decides to have sex with the monkey. He catches the monkey, tries to have sex with it, but it slips out of his grip and runs away.
He tries again the next day, but the same thing happens.
Then, he sees the hottest girl in the world drowning in the ocean, so he goes and saves her.
She says to him, "I'll do anything to repay you. ANYTHING."
The man says, "Can you help me catch that damn monkey?"
One day, a doberman, a collie, and a bulldog are walking down the sidewalk when they come across a very beautiful French poodle with a gold bracelet on her left paw says to them, "The dog who uses the words liver and cheese in a sentence the best, I will have their pups."
So the Doberman says, ''I love liver and cheese.''
The Collie says, ''That's not good enough.''
The Bulldog says, ''I hate liver and cheese.''
She says, ''That's not creative.''
At this point and time, a chihuahua with a gold bracelet on his left paw walks out of an advertisement company building and walks up to the four dogs.
With his Mexican accent, the Chihuahua says, ''Eh...Liver alone......cheese mine.''
"Doc," says Steve, "I want to be castrated."
"What on earth for?" asks the doctor in amazement.
"It's something I've been thinking about for a long time and I want to have it done" replies Steve.
"But have you thought it through properly?" asks the doctor. "It's a very serious operation and once it's done, there's no going back. It will change your life forever!"
"I'm aware of that and you're not going to change my mind -- either you book me in to be castrated or I'll simply go to another doctor."
"Well, OK.", says the doctor, "but it's against my better judgment!"
So Steve has his operation, and the next day he is up and walking very slowly, legs apart, down the hospital corridor with his drip stand. Heading towards him is another patient, who is walking exactly the same way.
"Hi there," says Steve,"It looks as if you've just had the same operation as me."
"Well," said the patient, "I finally decided after 37 years of life that I would like to be circumcised."
Steve stared at him in horror and screamed, "Shit! THAT'S the word!”
Little Johnny asks his mother how old she is.
Her reply is, "Gentlemen don't ask ladies that question."
Johnny then asks his mother how much she weighs.
Again the mother's reply is, "Gentlemen don't ask ladies that question."
The boy then asks, "Why did daddy leave you?"
This time the mother sends him to his room. At the top of the stairs the boy trips over his mother's purse, spilling its contents. He picks up her driver's license and runs back down to his mother.
The boy said upon running in front of his mother, "You're 37 yrs old, 185 lbs, and daddy left because you got an "F" in sex!"
Three old men were talking about how much their hands shook. The first old guy said, "My hands shake so bad, that when I shaved his morning, I cut my face."
The second old fogey one-upped him and said, "My hands shake so bad, that when I trimmed my garden yesterday, I sliced all my flowers."
The third old man laughed and said, "That's nothing. My hands shake so bad that when I took a piss yesterday, I came three times!"
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