Silent Cry22:27 Jul 14 2009
Times Read: 833
So you're expecting to read a story however this is not my journal. Usually you get experiences and scenarios of my life - This time it's unleashing my state of mind which does not make too much sense.
This section is reserved for the incompetent. It's for those who love ranting about their day - to - day activities and run-ins with strangers, weirdos, old friends, ex partners and cell mates.
* Looks around the Room, there are no chains hanging off the ceiling anymore *
I didn't run into anyone special today however I did come across a mirror and the guy staring back looked like a stranger at first. After staring long enough I realized that looking back at me was someone I know very well and remember. It hasn't been in control for almost two years now.
The last day it recalled was July 22nd 2007 - A Bosnian Pinocchio dressed in faded blue jeans, polished black shoes and a white shirt asked me to trade in my personality, my lifestyle, my looks and a good part of my brain in exchange for my goals and dreams.
Two weeks later, this egotistical worm was exposed for what he trully was - An under developed lier who talks much better then he walks.
* Lights up a cigarette *
Part of me wanted to crucify him to a bed of nails and the other part just wanted to go for these new dreams.
Two years passed and the journey had hardships and rewards but I lost myself in the process.
Becoming an optimist wasn't as physically upsetting as I thought it would be, however leading & assisting losers turn their mindless habits into productive profit was.
People don't change. We are who we are and possibly who or what we've always been. It's like a junkie who vows to clean up between shots.
* Closes my eyes and sinks in a deep breathe *
The room spins pulls as pictures flash through my head.
* The music's fading out now. *
The walls disappear, various voices and commotion rise, the lamp lights twist into strobes flashing out behind a brawling looking bouncer controlling the entrance of The Coconut club which a local hangout for metal-heads, punks and rigid 35 year olds who still wanna feel like they belong.
A couple of tables and chairs sit on the outside of the club mainly designed for smokers, drunks and weapons for random street fights that occur from time to time.
I'm Leaning over one of the tables with Ruby next to me greeting some people while I'm pouring myself another shot of JD and noticing the under-aged emos trying to get themselves through the bouncer.
Dave comes over and gives me another refill. Dave is the cool yet unstable kind of guy who comes across as an asshole half the time. He's just one of those guys that say one thing and do another.
''Yeah Brandon, friends come before chicks with me dude. Bros over hos all the way!'' he explained. Ironically enough, not even two minutes pass before we decide to go to another club and he's tagging along.... That's before some fish- faced chick with curly blond hair that looked like roadkill hugged him and he blew us off to say with Ms. SeaBass.
Our next stop was Steam - A strip club in the main clubbing district the houses a variety of fat, sweaty, hairy lawyers, married men and a few desperate party people who piss their money away every time one of the dancers approach them.
My buddy and close friend Earnest who's a boxer, my sparring partner and the last guy I put in hospital for giving me a cheap shot, is one of Steam's regulars. I like hangout with him and I don't mind the place.
The fact that the dancers relief as they see a hot guy they can try to manipulate while they storm me is always visible and I don't mind playing their game.
Unfortunately the highlight of my night was having a real conversation with one of the Romanian dancers who identifies herself as Silvia.
I met her the first time Earnest dragged me to that place.
Apart from her tight body and fishnets, what actually attracted me to her in the first place was the fact that she was virtually the only dancer who didn't swarm me and try to rape me the first time I went in there.
I'm obviously use to being groped by various people at once however when that number exceeds five pair of hands... Backing them off without your privacy being invaded gets challenging.
Once things calmed down we actually had to meet each other halfway. She instantly came across as real which needless to say is virtually impossible considering the environment. Obviously she proposed a lap dance in order for her to squeeze some money out of me and the idea was to play her game.
She wasn't dancing that night and I explained how the only way I'd accept is if the showed me what im buying by actually giving me a preview on stage. Once she started I pretended to completely ignore her when in fact, I actually did partially pay attention to her. That evening I lived up to my word.
Lights up another cigarette while listening to Blutzukker's - Lady Amalcia (Minus 10 razorblade remix) *
On the couch are 5 other Romanians teasing the hell out of the customers staring from a distance as Silvia and I go into an in depth conversation about anything between sexuality, life in general, relationships, pole dancing, losers and how most of the customers were wondering why the hell she's just sitting there having a conversation with a freak as opposed to paying attention to them.
By the end of the conversation, my conclusion was that she's either opening up and exposing some aspects of herself with me or she's the best actress I've ever met.
Either way, I'm still gonna keep on playing for now.
Staring back at the mirror now I realize that it's not an image of a stranger anymore, but a figure I'm well accustomed too.
It seems like the Bosnian Pinocchio only managed to suppress me but ultimately, whatever's inside comes out and we all end up showing our true colors....
It feels good to be back....
COMMENTS
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madamefate
01:01 Jul 15 2009
I enjoy reading this very much. *wonders if mrs. seabass is related to mr. Hippo* :P
NonMortusEst69
14:13 Jul 16 2009
Haha, perhaps... I hear its a small world out there.
madamefate
06:26 Jul 21 2009
That's what I hear lol (whispers they don't let me out of my padded cell much j/k)
DarkAngelsCurse
05:25 Sep 29 2009
I love reading your journal. It opens me up to who you really are inside..
NonMortusEst69
05:58 Sep 29 2009
Yeah, it's my way of opening up and a way for people to get inside my head and try to see the world through my eyes.
DraculaVladTepes
15:23 Nov 10 2009
Thanks for this inspiring post, I think, you are really are very good writer and I'm gonna read your other stuff.
NonMortusEst69
22:25 Nov 10 2009
Well drop in a line in my inbox one of these days.
nowherekidXRven
20:05 Feb 27 2010
Wow this is beautiful in its own very special way is this what it sounds like insdie your head?
NonMortusEst69
20:28 Feb 27 2010
Pretty much...