The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

It seems strange to think that in just 2 more days I'll celebrate my 1st anniversary here on vr. It's been a lot of fun and an amazing learning experience but most of all I have made some wonderful friends here. Some that are so smart they amaze me by even being willing to talk with me and others so funny I end up laughing until I cry when I talk with them.



I have met those on here that are like a missing part of me, we fit so well together in thoughts and feelings. It blows me away at times to find people so very different from me echo the same concerns, fears and worries. The world is truly smaller these days.



I have learned of things I never knew existed and learned that I'm not afraid of them. I have learned there are lifestyle choices that people make that I don't understand and realize that I'm just not wired to understand them. That's okay too, doesn't mean we cannot be friends.



I think the greatest gift VR has given me is acceptance of the differences in me and in others. Many people say they don't care what you are or the choices you make but do they really mean it? I've learned from meeting the wonderful and diverse people here that I do. I wouldn't have traded the last year for anything.



Thank You Cancer, I know you'll never see this but from one simple member this site has made a wonderful difference in my life. They say knowledge is power and you have made me a very strong person.

CAPRICORN - The Cute One

(12/22-1/19)

Love to bust. Nice. Sassy. Intelligent. EXTREMELY SEXY. Predict future. Irresistible. Loves being in long relationships. Has lots of friends. Great talker. Always gets what he or she wants. Also not a fighter, but if they have to, they will also knock the lights out of you if it comes down to it..Cool. Loves to own Geminis' in sports. Extremely fun. Loves to joke. Smart. 24 years of bad luck if you do not repost.

Well saw the surgeon today and I feel pretty comfortable with him. My sister and I tossed every question we could at him and he didn't get hot about it plus he had an immediate answer that was sensible and correct. Hard to beat that logic.



He confirmed the test results and that I must have the left half of my thyroid removed quickly but due to possible complications with my vocal chords they would not be removing all of it until they got the results of one more test. Then he has me lay back in his office and performs a needle biopsy there. While I will say it' didn't hurt that much truly I don't want to do it again as of right now I'm very sore in the middle of my throat and look like a one thoothed vampire got me or a Half-assed vampire as Redqueen put it.

Anyway it's over now and my sis held my hand while I squeezed hers good. lol The results will be back on Monday and then we can schedule the surgery for any time within the next couple of weeks.



I will have to have radiation but not chemo so that's good news to me. He was cool with me getting a second opinion next week from the specialist too even gave me copies of his test results to take with me. Not the sign of an insecure person and I'm comfortable with that too.



Came on home and found my other sis the Rat coming over right behind me, kept me company and even had Fang calling and I got to talk to RedQueen and low and behold she really does sound a lot like me. Southern fried and comfortable! Thanks sis for caring.



I'm keeping this here because when this is all over I want to be able to look back and see how it all went down, where my mind was and how my emotions handeled it the best. So far that's been questionable and I'm not too happy with that, feeling myself get angry too easy or sad, crying comes really easy right now and I'm trying to avoid the bad news stories which is really hard in my home. News 24hours a day television is god.



I've got to get a handle on these mood swings as it's very disconcerting to be happy one minute then suddenly angry the next. I don't do anger well and certaintly not prolonged anger. I think I may go back and re-read some of those breathing articles and meditation ones in the database/member articles. I need to get more steady on this.

Welcome Nightgame





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Sire





Pages Viewed:

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Time Spent:

100.00 days





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I have discovered something that I was never aware of before about my house. I've been there since August 06 and it's the only society I have ever belonged in and I have always been happy there. Sure sometimes it would get very quiet but I think all societies do that at times. But for the most part I have always been more than happy to be there with good folks and fun times.



I have described this to my friend Vampirewitch39 many times and begged her to back before she made sire to come join me when she did but she didn't want to intrude on "my house". It's taken me this long to convince her that I don't feel that way about it and just want her to join me in having some fun there so she agrees to make a second premium account as vr rules allow and when her level is high enough we petition the house master for admittance.



Since there is no deception planned, no hidden agendas or spying intended she's upfront about her whole idenity. The reasons are also given for why sire vw39 will not leave her house and our other friend to come join me, in mine. For one thing, our other best friend Elemental is there and happily, but she is not a sire and cannot come and go but guess what --I am! But then maybe that's what my house members were actually thinking that it was time I got the hell out of their way.



For whatever reason they choose to see it as wrong even though VR rules allow it and since nothing is said against joining more than one society who are they to decide the rules. As long as a person meets the requirements set forth by each society are they not fulfilling their duties toward them.



But I have now learned that there is a strong streak of fear and insecurity among the members in mine. Fear of what I have no real ideal but since only one of them had the balls to actually message either of the people involved and actually ask what's up I think much less of them.



I still think the House Master is a great person and runs a good house and there are some wonderful people there but I'm very confused by how they have behaved.

Now Rat knows I have to watch all those brain wasting kiddie shows with my nephew like teletubbies and the wiggles and all and while I have managed to hang onto my sanity through them by my fingertips she went and found a youtubbies video of them set to a nasty song, I had to thank her for her efforts as from now on while my nephew is giggling to their innocent antics I'm going to be fighting not to bust out laughing as my mind replaces it with the smut. SO I warn her to avoid his favorite show the Wiggles which I have to watch hours of 5 days a week, but does she listen Oh hell no! she goes and puts this up here War has now been declaired by the Rat, she may be hiding in her litte hole but cat's have been hunting rats for thousands years with patience and I have that to spare, watch your tail Rat!

This is going to become a trend, I can tell...









She's got my hair though mine's a bit lighter, my eyes are a lot smaller and my ass is a lot wider :) but I can tell you this my fly is zipped and her's is not!

Went out tonight and got a bit blindsided by some of my extended family. Some Aunt's and Uncles and cousins who have all by now heard a out my test results (they passed the news like it was a glorious jewel and they wanted to be the first to tell the next one) I'm not dumb I've watched it happen with them before, that's why I refused to talk to any of them on the phone about it.



But some of them showed up tonight and were ready to do the big sympathy thing for me. wtf? Okay folks I'm right here, not ready to give up, not ready to need a bunch of shoulders to cry on and honestly none of you folks would be any that I would pick if I did.



Hell I'd cry to my friends here on VR first. But the simple truth is I'm no crybaby, it's not my thing. Sure I can feel the desire inside to let go with the waterworks and a hissy fit but what possible use would it be?



So after about a minute of this bullshit I returned to my usual manner and began making stupid jokes about it. Sorry but you handle stress your way and I'll handle it mine. If I want to crack a bad joke about my problem then that's what I'm going to do. Problem is now they all think I don't understand the seriousness of my situation. Again wft?



If one more person tries to explain to me either how serious or how not serious this is I'm probably going to drop my drawers and tell them to kiss my big fat ass.



I have done my homework and read up on what I need to know and have my plan in my head. But as with any plan adapatability has to remain a built in ability. These folks will never understand that. I love my family but I have little tolerance for them as we are as different as day and night and boy am I night.

Time Spent:

99.00 days





Here you go Rat,

See you have more life than me!

I'm going to write this here just in case I missed letting any of my friends here know that have asked or talked with me about what's been going on in my life of late.



I got the test results back today and it is cancer but it's of the thyroid. The research I've done makes me think that if I had to pick one organ to have it in this is a good one as it's easy to live without and looks easy to remove. Big pluses in my book. I don't know anything yet about chemo or radiation or if it's spread anywhere else *crosses fingers* That's part of the next step.



Now onto the good part, I'm starting to do okay with it. Yea I'm still freaking out as I really didn't expect it to be that. I remember her saying it was "cold" she wouldn't say cancer but my surgeon had already went over it with me and I knew that cold meant cancer. All I really wanted to do was hug my friend, the Rat and sister and leave right then. I had my car, Type O in the cd player, gas in the tank and a nice bit of road outside the office, speed was calling. lol



They had both left work and rushed over to be with me and I love em for it. I doubt if they'd have let me leave as I don't think I said much of anything after she gave me the results. They took care of asking the questions for me, bless them both.



Now I've had time to think and that's helped I needed time to pull it all apart and consider it now that it's for real. I have my plan and I see the surgeon on Wed. I've also made an apt with a specialist for the next week. No more fooling around for now. :) Well okay just a little bit.



Now if you've made it this far you should realize I'm doing fine. I'm making this entry so you guys will realize I'm going to be fine and while I won't promise not to bend your ears at times when I get too chatty I think I can manage not to cry too much. Never cared for the waterworks anyway. Makes my nose run and turn red. Really ugly and I got enough ugly already hanging around here :)

Fear is a funny thing. Now matter how much you are prepared to hear something when it comes right down to it, you don't want to. I've researched this and I know in my mind that it's not really that bad, it can be removed and I can live a full life with little notice of it at all. It's just the thought of it, I believe along with the memory so close of losing my father to this disease that makes it a bit harder to accept.



In reality I have it so much easier than many others and I feel guilty for even being worried at times but I can't seem to control it. I try to keep my mind off it and carry on as normal but it occasionally sneaks up on me. Oh well I guess that will at least end very shortly. Doctor's office called and test results are in, they have to see me today in the office can I come right in? Yep. I kinda figure that doesn't mean it's the good news I was hoping for after all. As I said I knew this was a good possibility but fear is a funny thing and it doesn't seem to care about that or the logic of the situation at all. Guess I'd better go get a handle on it, wonder if I'll need a pot holder?

In South Carolina this week over half a dozen firefighters went into a burning furnature factory after being told 1 employee was still inside. The man was rescued right before the roof came down and 9 firemen were trapped and killed. It's the worst death of firefighters in the US since 9/11 and it's come on top of 2 police officers here in my own state being gunned down this past week in the line of duty in senseless acts of stupidity.



But it still all pales when I remember just how sick I felt when I realized how many police and firemen went down inside those buildings. It didn't take very long since I was on duty myself when it happened and the police wire was going like wild with everthing that could be learned being passed on. The truly amazing thing is that in a few more years if not already the sons and daughters of many of the men and women who died that day trying to save the lives of others will walk through a door somewhere and ask to put on a uniform too. But just so I don't forget I'm putting this here.

Finished the second half of the cancer screening today and it wasn't as bad as the first. The tech was a pretty nice fellow and a lot better than the one who did the first MRI I had 6 weeks ago, that fellow as not a people person at all. This guy was great at calming a nervous person down and even okay with someone like me that cracks bad jokes when they're nervous. He went with it. My doctor should have the results back by late Thursday or Friday, so I'm going to be on the telephone, hounding them that's for sure as I am so tired of this uncertainity. I'm at the point where either way at least an answer is what I need.

Reading through the old VR New Orleans meetup thread to get the number to call to check on the reservation tomorrow since we've decided to go early and I want to make sure we have a room there. I first went to the chit-chat thread in the sandbox for some reason not thinking straight probably figuring it would be there.



Anyway that thead always gives me the giggles as everyone seems to loosen up planning to have such a good time on vacation and meeting each other or re-connecting with those they haven't seen in a while. I admit I'm both scared and excited at the thought of meeting some of the people I talk to here on VR. But then I get to noticing how some of them are talking/ joking about the instruments they will need to be slipping through customs and such and I really have to laugh. I just came back from the drug store and I realized that some of us will be bringing our own blood letting supplies and customs won't be a problem at all.



Seems like for once being a diabetic will let us fly under the radar with all the needles and pokie things. lol Hmmm wonder if RedQueen knows I'll be arriving with lots of sharp instruments. I wonder what she'll yell at me when she reads this? :)

Now this music really relaxes me. When I'm ready to blow my top it works. I can't understand a single word of it but it doesn't seem to matter. I sometimes wonder if it's because my grandfather was an Irishman but who knows it works.

I don't normally do this but this is just nonsense. Here is a profile where she claims to love Wicca yet hopes to be a "satenist" I'm assuming she means a satanist and if that's the case I'm not sure how she's going from Wiccan to Satanism since Wiccans as a rule don't believe in Satan at all. but take a look and decide for yourself if I'm nuts or not. here

Well It's almost time to head back to the hospital. Sitting here while that lovely nuclear medicine filled my body was not quite as sickening as I had worried, thank goodness. Now I go back for several scans then more tomorrow. I've been reading Journals to keep myself from feeling too sick and it's worked. There's some great stuff here interesting, funny and always entertaining. I have my favorites as I'm sure most do but they no doubt see me showing up there reading them all the time. I'm not stalking you guys I swear! Just a bored nut case who lives to read. Well I'm off to see the wizard! Don't I wish!

Father's Day today and while I wish all those out there a happy one for me it's always a sad day. 20 years ago this year I woke up this morning and it was the day after I buried my father. He died quite young from Cancer after a fast but painful illness. So I no longer celebrate this day in any way, shape or form as it just brings back memories that I don't want of how much it hurt to loose him.



My dad and I didn't get along all that well as we were both very stubborn and independant people. He raised me to think that way so he must have planned on it. At least I hope so. The last couple of weeks of his illness took a huge physical toll on us as we stayed with him around the clock. Since I was the one most able to stay awake all night (go figure) I spent all night with him in ICU. We had sent the rest of the family home for another night shift. The hospital staff came in and made me leave to change the bed according to them so I went for a drink and bathroom break and when I returned they said I'd better get the family all back he was almost gone.



I called my family and while they all rushed back I returned to my dad's side and held his hand as he died. He squeezed my hand as I talked to him, it probably was muscles spasming but I don't care. I just hope he knows he wasn't alone. The funeral was an ordeal. I was never more relieved than when it was over and all those "well-wishers" left. The only people who really mattered to me where the ones who were there on a day by day basis.



My true family and close friends, those that knew what we were going through and knew that staying sitting around on us was a burden. They didn't do that, they went home and tried to encourage others to do the same. They were the ones who were holding my sister and I up when we were falling to the floor from weakness and grief. Yes Kay I'm talking about you, I know you were one of the ones holding me and Anita up and trying to get others to give us some air. I will love you forever for that and I hope you hug your dad extra hard today just for me.

I had thought to delete this entry but instead I'll add this onto it. Thank you so much for your understanding my friend. Your insight and kindness goes so much beyond what I could ever have hoped. I appreciate it and If I were close enough I'd run that hoover for you. :)











I'm deceiving a person I respect and it's bothering me. I'm feeling like I need to speak to him about it but I wonder if by doing so it will simply be to ease my own conscious. It all began and continues simply as a way for me to see if my own work has merit without the influence of friendships. But I did not count on just how much I have come to hate duplicity. It was something I was forced to become good at when working but since retirement I have made a point of putting keeping my word. Honesty is not always the best policy I won't agree with that for there are times when it's better to say nothing instead of hurting others with your words. But when I say something I do my very best to do it. Now I admit I forget to do things more so now than ever before in my life, just ask my friends. But forgetting is quite different from telling a lie. This is hard to decide what to do and yet I truly respect this man and would not wish to do anything to hurt him or the small friendship we have between us.

Also being Southern I get offended when portrayed as stupid when you factor into that equation that I'm also female and in an area where the term "hill-billy" was coined, you can imagine just how irritating it can be. Here is a woman who can tell it so much better than I ever shall: here

Well I went to the surgeon's today thinking or maybe hoping is the better word that it'd be all over quickly. But once again I have to have another test, some nuclear dye shot into it with a needle now, oh joy. He tells me it's very large he can easily feel it and I'm like uh huh. What else am I going to say with both his hands around my throat pressing in. creepy. I would so love to go off on a screaming crying rant for a while but all that would accomplish is to tear up everone else and make my nose snotty. I just really wish when this had all started they had given me the option of saying set up all these dumb tests right up front, lets get them done and then finish it. This have 2 tests, see the doctor, more tests, see another doctor, and on and on is getting on my last nerve.

My friends if you have read this ignore me I just needed to spit some of this crap out so I could get some sleep.

If you've never heard Zager & Evans sing 2525 give it a listen I think you'll be surprised at what they forsaw in 1960.

Apparently there is some fellow who has a problem with VR and it's admin and makes up profiles and then downrates those he thinks he can annoy. They are all grown ups and know exactly how to deal with children like this one but instead of being interesting enough to come up with his own name he's decided to imitate the name of my friend LadyKrystalynDarkstar

by adding an extra r at the end of his name.



She is part of the admin here that is true but beyond that she is a woman who has been unstinting in her time in helping others with their profiles and navagating their way around the rave. She is a true lady and the fact that he chose to imitate her highly reguarded name just goes to show what a poor choice he made when picking names to try and denigrate. He doesn't have a chance. Shine Lady Shine!

When I was a kid we watched reruns of The Little Rascals on tv a lot. It was in black and white and showed a bunch of neighborhood kids playing and getting into all kinds of trouble. The kids ranged from smart to dumb, cute to butt ugly, dirt poor to wealthy. None of that mattered to the kids they were just friends. But I do remember one particulary thing was The He-Man Woman Haters Club was something the boys of the show had going.



I remember it so well because I had 2 older brothers and about 20 male cousins compared to a total of 3 cousins and myself in the family. We were always outnumbered. The boys of course had to have a club by this name to exclude us girls. We worked around it then and as women we find ways around the walls put in our way every day.



But after conversations with BubbleGumClaudia and Vampirewitch39, I have been thinking that perhaps we need a new Little Rascal's club one called the Strong Women Don't Take It Club. Doesn't really matter if the trouble is coming from a male or female since our world is no longer that narrow, thank heavens.

Was trolling through Journals and came across Jason's this morning and well just click this link and you'll understand how I can remember like I had lost a good friend when this comic ended.

here

I actually had another dream last night and remembered most of it. I was driving along the highway at night alone it was foggy out and the forest was on both sides of the 2 lane road so I knew is was around my home area but the rest was unfamiliar. The it was as if my glasses were suddenly gone and I was left trying to focus on the highway when all I could see was shades of gray and black. A few seconds of this and then as I was expecting to miss a curve and hit a tree instead I drive off into nothingness. Again I'm in a free fall into what I don't know I wake up at this point. I am unsure as to what the meaning of this is but as I'm starting to have it reoccur in one form or another I think I should start paying more attention to it. At a glance the bottom dropping out of my world is not something I know how to avoid...

I don't know how because I thought it wasn't coming out until the 5th but the local Walmart had the new Anita Blake The Harlequin out and I've got it. I've not opened it because when I start I won't be able to stop I know it and I can't finish it before I should sleep. I'm trying to do the smart thing and wait until tomorrow night but it's sitting there calling to me to come and open it. It says it has such goodies in store for me that I will be so happy if I just open the cover. Oh hell I might as well go get my shot and take the book on to bed that's were I'll be when the alarm clock goes off I'm sure hopefully with at least an hour or two of sleep.

*before anyone yells because I didn't buy the book at a bookstore instead of walmart, my town only has a christian one and it doesn't carry it*

When I was a teenager I watched Pirate movies my dreams were not of being swept away by a hero but of stealing away on one of those huge sailing ships. This song was one of my favorites of the time. Pretty sad for a landlocked lass.

I sit here stunned at the honor I just found has been paid me. There is a wonderful man here on VR that almost everyone meets within their first couple of days when he comes to their profiles and introduces himself and offers them assistance. He does so in a loud font so that there is no mistake that he means what he says. I have had the honor of speaking with him more than a few times since then and have come to call him friend and look forward to talking with him as it's always an enjoyable conversation. A true conversation, often rare these days. I'm speaking of Radu, of course. During a look to see if anything new was up on his profile I found he had listed me as a friend on there. Can you imagine, how that made me feel? A man that I feel is one of the most honorable and noble people here considers me highly enough to tell all here so? I admit I try very hard to be as honorable as he and to help all I can with what little knowledge I have but I sit here tonight amazed at the honor that has been given to me. Thank you my friend I will try even harder to live up to your trust.