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I need to get this out somewhere so it doesn't eat me up. I don't want sympathy or need it, life is just what it is and goddess knows it could be so much worse. But the frustration is really getting to me. I knew 30 years at my career would have some physical repercussions such as the high blood pressure and subsequent diabetes due to spending 8-16 hour shifts attached by a 2 1/2 foot cord to a bank of radios and phones (police dispatcher before it was a cool job or had technology to make it easier) and from all the loud noises the radio frequently put out fed right to my ear drum via headset, there had to be problems later on, right?



But at 20-30 years old thinking about some hearing problems later on wasn't that big a worry now I'm in my 50's and the problem is very real and so very annoying. I cannot hear low tones or if there is background noise I miss words or whole sentences. I often find myself at a loss to what is going on among my friends and family and I really hate the feeling. It feels like I'm in a cloud while sitting right with them because I have no ideal what's going on!



As if that wasn't enough to aggravate me, my eyesight is getting worse a lot faster than was predicted when I was diagnosed with Fuchs corneal dystrophy. Then it was, yes you have it but it may never bother you and if it does when you get to the point you need cataract surgery years from now, we can do a cornea transplant and take care of it then.

That was about 18months ago, this year it was Okay yes it is significantly worse to the point they call in other Ophthalmologists in the office to see it because it's not found that often or that easily seen. What a joy to be a great example. What it means for me is everything I see appears as if a film of vaseline jelly was smeared on my eyes and sometimes it's thin while others it's thick. It causes me problems driving at night now that I never had before as well as in bright sunlight so I'm going to have to get some strong sunglasses to see if it will help. The doctors make no mention of exactly how bad it has to be before the surgery and to be honest I'm a bit afraid to ask right now.



Worse is not knowing how fast or faster the progression is going to go. There are times it's difficult to read books and I require a strong light source to even try. My kindle helps a lot there but many of my favorite books are old ones that I reread frequently. That has become difficult to do now and it makes me sad.



As I said I don't want or need sympathy this is just a phase I have to go through as I grow older, everyone will have them I'm sure. Kind of like the loss of my parents, one of those parts of ageing we all hate. But instead of blowing up I want to try just writing it down here and letting it go instead of seething over it. I know next year will need me to make some decisions and I will about these things but I'd like to get through the winter before changes have to happen.

COMMENTS

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LadyChordewa
05:06 Jan 15 2016

*Hugs* I know how scary it is....scared to not be able to read, to see, to drive......the loss of independence is a frightening thing.



Please let me know if and how I can help you. I'm pretty good at hunting down older books that have been made into ebooks. Love you sis.

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artemka
20:28 Mar 07 2016

Sorry for the late comment, but I am so catching up



There is no reasoning behind it that's f'sure; but think of the people that you helped, the people who you saved - gotta be worth a few low frequencies (there's nothing worth listening to down there anyways) and if you miss the odd word, if it was worth hearing - its worth repeating eh :)



There is a Ukrainian saying "Оселедець не може чути, але це все ще риба" which is of no use at all but at least it made you wonder and google doesn't translate it correctly :)



I am so sorry that your eyesight is doing what it does but surely the most important thing is if you can still smile and if you can still laugh ... for everything else there is an app or something that can help you along but for those two there is just you



This is kinda deep huh :)

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