The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

Another week draws to a close and I find myself wondering about my purpose here again. Not the meaning of life, I figure just living is it. Death no longer frightens me though I'm in no hurry to experience it. I'm not always certain of what's on the other side, I've been Wiccan for about 7or8 years now prior to that a very backslid baptist. Funny thing is some of those teachings from my childhood still affect my beliefs today. I still believe in the golden rule though now it seems most call that karmic law. While I argue strenously against hanging the 10 commandments in school or government buildings most of the darn things are in our legal system as laws now. I still don't want the most common religion force fed to anyone else but it's an uphill battle here in the bible belt to argue against it. Most just call me dirty names and tell me I'll burn in hell. By this point I'm usually pissed off to and reply that hell sounds good as long as they're not going to be there. Weirdest thing is I don't believe in "hell" didn't even before I became Wiccan. Hell to me is being forced to relive as an earthbound human over and over until you get it right. I guess that's reincarnation but I believed that before I even knew that word. A few years back a man tried to kill me and nearly succeded, I had to take a hard look at myself in order to get over the fear that was controlling me afterwards. I became afraid of the dark, the one place I'd always felt comfortable before and he took that away from me. I have never been a brave person. I do what I must and would not turn my back on someone in need but I can still be afraid and do that. After my attack, I had to learn to face my fears head on even those I could sidestep. That's become such a habit now that I can't step away from the stupid things I'm afraid of and most of the time they really are stupid. I'm terrified of heights and will freeze in place on ladders and ferris wheels but love to fly in an airplane and only wish I'd taken a friend up on flying in military helicopters with him several years ago. What a thrill I missed! I won't let fear stop me anymore, I'm going to live the life I've got and enjoy every darn minute of it. When death does take me at least I'll go with some great memories.

Yipee for me. I made it. When I joined the House of Umbrae Octo they asked me to try and earn 500 favor within 60 days and I agreed. Then when I played hangman I really liked it and decided to set my own goals. I made the 500 within 5 days, thank goodness for weekends. Then I wanted to see how long it would take me to reach 2000 which seems a popular number among the other members and it took me 17days. I just hit it. So I'm going to go have a diet pepsi and a moon pie and celebrate. Yea!!!

Everything I Need To Know About Life I Learned From Reading Anita Blake



• Don't date vampires, kill them

• The Executioner is shorter than you expect

• Just because you're human doesn't mean you aren't one of the monsters

• Zombies have rights too

• Never waste a really good threat

• An atheist with a cross is a truly pitiful sight

• If you have to be anyone's property, go with people you know.

• Screaming is for when you don't have anything better to do.

• Guilt is a wonderful motivator.

• Illusion is everything.

• Cars are not fun to chase. They don't bleed.

• People generally see what they want to see.

• Paranoia is just another name for longevity.

• Never forget who your enemies are.

• Always get out of the way of a charging werewolf.

• If you French kiss a vampire, you risk lip and tongue injury.

• Life is tough and the universe is not fair.

• Sometimes there is nothing you can do.

• Everyone is cannon fodder. Eventually.

• Sometimes childish will get you what you want.

• Jeans and sneakers do not inspire confidence as ceremonial get-up.

by

Robyn Goodfellow

These are off one of my favorite shirts

I've really done it this time, I felt sorry for my sister and agreed to keep her 2 chidren so she and hubby could have a weekend away. I love my neice and nephew very much but the weekend is the one time I try to keep to myself. The trouble will start 10 minutes after they pull out of the drive. I can hear the mom lets me do it and Dad don't care. Then I get to be the asshole and make them follow the rules. My neice at 9 is the one who's really pushing the boundaries. If I make it through this weekend she is going to owe me so bigtime. It may take a year or two to get paid back. Oh well better get to bed so it can all start tomorrow.

I've just spent almost 2hours reading and rating profiles, and while there were many that were very good or at least said they were a work in progress and asked for time before being rated, there were way too many that just said along the lines of "I'm here, F**k you" . I don't get it, if you are going to join a community of like minded individuals, wouldn't you want to at least start off somewhat polite. I'm not talking Dear Abby or anything but more that FU. I don't think there's too much more to find out from someone who starts off that way. First Impressions are still important even for an online community. Oh well, I tried to be fair and give everyone something to work with although some I just wanted to send a message and ask why? But I didn't, everyone is entitled to introduce themselves their own way. But Really!

It's been a very odd weekend. I've gotten a lot of work done in some ways but in others I've got nothing done. Why I can't seem to motivate myself to paint the bedroom I just don't get, I mean I really want the color changed from off-white to damn near any other color but I cannot find the right color to change it to. It's kinda a kick in the teeth, since I started this paint job 2 years ago then had an accidental fall that left me unable to work on it for over a year then my sister in law that was helping me and my brother split up after 32 years of marriage. She moved 300 miles away and it's like I lost a sister. She's been in my life since I was 15years old and now she's gone. We try to keep in touch but she's working all the time or gone with her "real" sisters. I hate this feeling.

I guess I'll try again next weekend to paint. Maybe I'll feel more like it then.

I would like to add to my portfolio but I got to checking out my photos and I really don''t have anything worth posting. I had a couple taken recently and put there but other than that it's been years since I let it be taken and even then it was like work related and no way in hell am I posting those mug shot looking things. Think driver's license photo bad x10. I guess I'm going to have to get off the computer and go take some pictures and stuff. I won't put any recent photos of my family because that is just wrong on the internet. Bad people do exist and will mess with your stuff. Myself they can't hurt too bad. I even went out and bought a digital camera and stuff to learn how to do some of this stuff. No I'm not rich, planning a family vacation to Disney World in the fall with a 9 & 2year old. Gotta have pictures of that, will probably be the death of me. There's actually some really beautiful sites around where I live if you like country living. So maybe I'll see what I can come up with and try it out. Can always take it off it I hate it right?

I'm kind of leery today, things are up in the air in my family and I'm not sure what's going to happen. May family is very important to me and probably play the biggest role in my life. I just realized I missed a friends retirement party and am feeling pretty down about it. Another just got diagnoised with cancer and is starting treatment. I'm praying hard for him. Well times moving along and I gotta move with it.

I am strange because I actually enjoy reading through the profiles even some of the more different ones. There are some really talented and intelligent individuals on this site. I've read Journals and articles by several of them and while often much of it is far over my knowledge I find it fascinating. I can safely put this here because I know that no one's reading my journal. It's funny really. I'm one of the most boring people on the rave and live in a very rural area where many of the things people talk about doing on this site are impossible here. That's okay I enjoy learning about things even if I cannot participate in them. My biggest problem with the profiles though is how to fairly rate people. When they're brand new and really haven't had time to write much up or even to think about what they want to say about themselves or learn how to use the system, it's hard to give them any kind of high rating yet if they've made any kind of attempt to say something intelligent or even just tell me they are working on it to bear with them I want to give them a pretty good rating. I have not given anyone a rating below 5 as none that I have read are that awful, yet. I do not like profiles that are so full of misspelled words that it's almost impossible to understand. I am not talking about people for whom English is a second language, for them it is not a matter of ignorance. But for English speaking people especially those still in school to spell and write so horribly that it cannot be read is unacceptable. Those I cannot rate high even if the rest of their profile is good. Before you think I'm some kind of know it all, think again. As I said earlier I am from a rural area and the education system in my state is among the lowest in the nation. I have attended some college classes for my own fun but came no where near a degree. I am not super smart and actually consider myself slow witted. But I can spell or at least use a dictionary or spell check for that matter and what person gets out of school now without knowing about proof reading their own writing. Typo errors are one thing and sometimes unavoidable when typing fast and trying to do something else. Okay got that off my chest so now I can go back to reading some more.

I'm having one of those days, things seem odd, like everythings running slightly off kilter. Nothing I can really put my finger on and say this is wrong so it's like I'm waiting for whatever's going to happen to happen. Something will, I'm sure of it. Maybe good but more probably bad, (given everything else going on right now) I almost wish I could go back to bed and start the day over. Oh well no use giving in to fear, face it and get it the heck over with then move on. Yea that's good advice and I'll take it as soon as I pull the covers off my head.

I gotta ask myself why I keep getting into situtations where I should know better yet there I am again. Doing something I don't want to do to keep from hurting someone else's feelings or saying things I'm not comfortable saying for the same reasons. I'm not heartless but I am not really that comfortable getting so personal quickly. It takes time for me to feel okay with someone else. But I keep putting myself into situtations where it's act like everyone else or stand out like a sore thumb and some days that's okay but others I just want to be left alone. Okay enough crying now.

I've made it through another strange day. I gotta admit some of it was fun. I miss my friends haven't seen them in a week and can't get together until the weekend. They're my sanity check. Things seem to be going pretty good for the moment, wonder what's going to go wrong?

Whenever I get scared of doing something, why do I force myself to do it anyway? I should have grown out of this need a long time ago. But no, if part of me doesn't want to do it, the rest of me has to just to prove I can. Even if I don't enjoy it. When will I grow up.