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its kind of funny how time works, it makes indifference much easier to fake.

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xxmrsinister80xx
06:48 Jul 05 2013

Hmm

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he sunlight spills over the grass, pronouncing the first signs of morning. Dew sparkling in the light as people are still soundly sleep, enjoying their final moments of rest before having to open their eyes and adjust to join the "real world" again.

dreams fading into the backround as they climb out of bed and wipe the last bits of sleep from their eyes.

Coffee is poured, toast is made, and yawns are common as things slowly slide into focus.Early morning cuddles and breakfasts are always the best as happy couples wake up together with kisses and quiet conversation over coffee help start off the day. I wish all mornings could be this way.

How could I ever add up to Her?

She’s perfect and helpful and gorgeous.

Her and her friends always amazing together

And then they’re with him

And he’s with his friends

And its perfect

Its like I never existed.

And I tried not to get involved, to hope, to not let my heart get broken again.

I really thought it would be different

But its not

Its exactly the same

And theres only two options for me now.

To give in and join them

To die.

And for some awful reason the first option seems more perfect to me with every passing day

To be in ecstasy like I used to and then one day

Swallow too many pills

Go to sleep

Fall asleep wanted and good

Whole

Happy

Not caring about anyone or anything else, those people and there thoughts

When really, its all in my head

Its my own fucking insanity trying to kill me

So whos to say I should live?

Why?

What purpose do I serve?

Now that they’ve discovered whats wrong with me

Pumped me full of pills

And gave me all this information.

Told me, let me realize that its all me

All this craziness is ME

No one else to blame.





Now lets not forget the second option shall we?

Walking away

Staying alive

And fucking living

Carrying on

And becoming

“whoever” I want to be.

So why then does the second option break my heart so?

Why does living sound more like dying to me?

Why will I never be good enough for myself?

Everyone else sees that Im decent.

But not me.

I WILL NEVER BE GOOD ENOUGH

I WILL NEVER BE GOOD ENOUGH

NEVER



I am cursed to live my first failure for the rest of my life.