The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

Evil Little Girl
06:14 May 21 2013
Times Read: 311

STUPID GIRL

She see's things in the dark, they eat her insides draining her of life.

STUPID GIRL

She brings that evil upon herself when she lets him destroy her, when

she lays there at night helpless while he steals her innocence

STUPID GIRL

Seeing demons at night.

EVIL LITTLE GIRL.

Haunted
06:14 May 21 2013
Times Read: 312

Dreaming Of Only Haunting Faces, The Girl Feels Lost And Out Of Place.

The Fear Surges Through Her Chocking Her, Taking All Air Out Of Her

Lungs, Replacing It With Poison. She Feels As Though Her Whole Life Is

A Cruel Joke. She Is Only A Play Thing, Used For Others Amusement. Her

Stomach Feels Like It's Trying To Crawl Out Of Her Body. She Wishes She

Was Anyone Else, Just Not Her. She Wants To Rip Her Skin Off. The Room

Goes Dim, She Reaches For The Razor.

What Once Was......Never Again
18:42 May 18 2013
Times Read: 326

Our love

To me?



Was the most beautiful music I’ve ever heard

It was that song that made me forget

It was the song that made me remember

Everything.



And when we kissed?



I’ve never seen such beautiful colors.

It was like a breath of fresh air for the first time



You took me so far away

So far

From my fears

From my memories

From reality.



You took away my pain

And then

Then you made me feel

And I loved you



I handed you my heart

You made me fearless

You made me want to grow

To get better

Not to lie

Not to run

But to heal

Instead of self destruct

For once.



Your arms were home to me

Home.

You wouldn't let me hide from you

You wouldn't let me run

And when I told you

All the things that made me a monster

You told me I was strong

That I was beautiful because I had survived

Scars and all.





The flashbacks?

You held my hand

You told me

“it’s going to be okay baby, we’ll get through it.”



I couldn’t believe you

Staying by my side.

So my love grew

And grew

And grew

And my trust

My trust began to build.



But something felt off;

I was paranoid

Untrusting

Delusional I was sure

How could anything be wrong???

Why?

Maybe its just because of my hyper vigilance, my PTSD.

It has to be, we’re perfect

Right?





Then I saw

These little glimpses of you

Your jealousy

The manipulation

The constant control you seemed to need over my every waking moment

Calling me at 4am to come over

Telling me I cant have space to think

Not allowing me to have time for anyone else

Even myself.

And I allowed it to happen

Guilty. I did it.

I began to watch you

The little things you did. And then when we fought

I saw the big things too.

They scared me

Triggered me

I began to realize were both still sick

But what about the good things?

What about the feelings of happiness you gave me?

So I pushed my doubts aside

“He’ll realize whats going on, he can fix it.”

Nothing changed

So I came to you

Not too long ago

Laid it all out

Was honest

Willing to see my part in things too

I told you how I felt and what needed to change

On BOTH ends

You couldn't speak

Told me I was over thinking

Never once did you tell me you’d change or that you noticed any of these things were going on.

But I hoped

“he’ll change”

No

The next night

You did something so much more horrible than hurting yourself and sending me pictures

You attacked my family.

And thats when it hit me

Your not going to change

Not for me

Not for our love

Not for your happiness



Because you dont want it

You use relationships as a way to control whats going on around you

Because you never had control

You lived in fear

And became controlled

Because you were defenseless

You were a kid

And now

You do the same to the women your with

And to let you in on a secret;

I’ve already been controlled

Been manipulated

Many times

And though it hurts to go to sleep with out you next to me





At least now

I’m not a trapped little girl anymore

Screaming silently for help.



I am becoming

Free.

Pane Of Glass
19:46 May 16 2013
Times Read: 338

I Belong Behind A Pane Of Glass

I View The World From Somewhere Else

Where?

I Don’t Know

I Don’t Know

My World Consists Of Sleepy Decisions

Illusions, And Half Truths

Because I Don’t Know Where I Am.

Or Who I Am Supposed To Be.

So I’ll Continue To Pretend

Until My Life Falls Apart

Crushed Under The Weight Of All The Expectations

I Fail To Live Up To.

My Love
19:45 May 16 2013
Times Read: 339

Your Eyes.

They Search Mine With A Quiet Intensity Unmatched By Anyone I've Ever Encountered;

They Glow Warmly, A Comfort In The Dark, Embers From A Fire, Still Gleaming Reverently Through The Early Morning Mist; Small Glittering Drops Of Condensation Floating Down From The Cobalt Sky Like Diamonds, Shimmering On The Edge Of The Skyline Catching Every Color Possible, and Reflecting Them Back To Us With Incredible Clarity.



Your Eyes Lock With Mine Pulling Me In. The Beautiful Brown And Amber Color That Freckle The Outside Of Your Iris Seem To Melt Together, Sometimes Creating Swirling Lines; Pathways To The Soul, Unable To Tell A Lie. You Smile And My Heart Breaks A Little Remembering Our Distance, But I Am Unable To Form An Apology. All That Matters Is Now….

And Your here.



The Steady Beating Of My Heart Quickens As You Step Closer, Your Eyes Never Leaving Mine. A Small Part Of Me Wants To Hide Amongst My Fears Lurking In The Shadows Of My Mind Threatening To Wake Me From My Dream-Like Bliss. A Cruel Slap In The Face, Another Night Waking In Terror To Find You Not There. To Find Myself Alone Due To My Own Faults. You Reach Out For Me, And The Feelings Resurface; A Gravitational Pull Begins, Tugging On My Heart As If To Say; He’s This Way, Go To Him.



 I Am Drunk From Your Touch, Swaying Slightly As You Pull Me Toward You. I Melt Into Your Arms, Everything About You Comes Rushing back; Your Smell, Your Voice, The Way Your Arms Close Around Me, And For The First Time In So Long, I Feel Safe.



Feeling As Though Centuries Have Passed Since We Last Saw Each Other. Passion And Love Seem To Ignite Between Us; Sudden Sparks Flash Through The Sky; Shooting Stars. As If The Sky Were Being Painted Waves Of Colors Begin Rolling Amongst The Stars As Though They Are Dancing For Us. Beautiful Cool Colors Combine With Those Of Our Auras As The Sun Begins To Breach The Horizon. An Explosion Seems To Occur, Northern Lights Rippling and Cascading Across The Sky; A Storm Of Raw Emotion Breaking The Surface After Being Silenced For Far Too Long.



Your Kisses, Like Air From A Mountaintop, Rushing Forward Causing A Breathless Gasp To Escape My Lips Softly Pressed Against Yours. Time Stops And Pulls Me From This World Into One Of Beauty, Created By Our Subconscious Minds As If To Feed One Another’s Desires.



Paradise.



Our Kisses, So Familiar, Almost Predictable, But Brand New At The Same Time. Taking My Breath But Giving Me The First Real Breath I've Taken In Months.



Theres Only So Much Time Before Soft Kisses Turn Into a Breathless Embrace, All Carefulness thrown to the side, we melt into each others Unspoken language. Fire And Ice Combining, Belonging  to one another with blatant disregard To The Laws Of Nature. Neither Of Us Willing To Admit The Danger Should One Of Us Become angry beyond Consoling. The Danger, just as inevitable as Our love for each other, Gives Us Only One Option;



Trust.



In Your Arms I Am Alive, Finally Able To Relax In My Own Skin, Regardless of our oppositions I am soothed by your Warm Hands Pressed Against My Back Trapping The frigid Winter That Always Seems To Have A Hold On Me. Replacing It With Your Light, Warmth Flickers Between Us Like The Tendrils Of The Sun Itself. Love Drowning My Heart As You Move To Cup The Side Of My Face. Your Hands, so impossibly large to me Tracing My Cheek Bone To My Jawline. I Lean Into You Allowing You To Hold Me Up, Giving You My Complete Trust. Warmth Begins To spread From Where Your Fingertips Touch My Skin, Pulsating And Spreading to my cheeks, flushing them as though I Had Been Drinking, Basking In The Eternal Summer Of Your Arms.



You Finally Release Me, Still Drunk Off Your Touch, All I Can Do Is Stare, Thinking Only Of You. My Body’s Swimming In The Warmth It Was able To Obtain From You. My Skin Now Glowing as Though Kissed by The Sun And The Smell Of Cherry blossom As Well As Lavender Fills The Air, Only Extending My Already Senseless Wonder At This Place I Feel You Looking At Me, Your Eyes Studying My Face As If Your Trying To Memories It.



  I Smile Up At You And Whisper That I Love You  Resting My Forehead Against Yours Trying to Comprehend How I Survived Being Away From You For So Long Before.



 Frost Bite Once Nipping At My Heart Causing It To Slow Is Now Replaced With The Warmth You So Willingly Shared With Me

Even When You Barely Knew Who I Was. 



I Am Forever Indebted To You.





My Love

Little Voices
19:43 May 16 2013
Times Read: 341

Till The Light Takes Me.

I Have Become What I Fear Most.

And These Shadows Are Out For Blood.

I Cant Run, My Body Is Broken, And My Heart Has Been Crippled By My Own Hands.

I Found You That Day And I Knew, But I Couldn't Let Us Be.

You Kissed My Wounds Sewing The Broken Pieces Of Me Back Together , Though You Were Never Afraid To Display Your Irritation For My Self Hatred, You Tried, And Lost yourself Along The way.

I Fell Under The Weight Of Your Expectations, Unable To Access My Own Mind, Thoughts Were Unreachable, I Was Convinced By An Entity Of My Own Mind To Bury My Secrets, Killing Any Chances To Claw My Way Out Of The Darkness That Overcame Me.  





The Memories Have Yet To All Be Resurfaced, And Sometimes It's Like Whole Parts Of My Life Don't Even Exist. You Wanted To Drag The Entity Out Of My Head And Kill It Before It Took Complete Control I Fought You Until The End Needing To Continue My Self Destruction. I Wasn’t Allowed To Consider Myself Important Because My Punishment Was Just To Live With All The Guilt of The Things I thought I had done.



My Pain, the Pain I Thought I Could Hide So Well Was Showing Its Face To You, Taunting You And Showing You How It Planned To Destroy Everything We Had. I Was So Blinded, Convinced That I Was The Reason For Every Time We Misunderstood Each Other, Something Told Me That I Was Pathetic and weak, It Told Me That I Wasted Space And That Other People Around Me Saw How I Killed Everything, and Caused Everyone To Leave Me Aside Because I wasn't Good Enough To Understand Anything. The Entity Had Spoken In My Ear, Giving Explanations For The Things I Didn't Understand; Fitting Me Into Every Cause, and Backing It With The Lack Of Attention I Must Have Felt, As Well As Being Bullied At School. I Was Treated Differently, Pulled Aside from The Things Other People got To do and The Other Kids Knew That Something was different so they Chose To Single Me Out.

Coming Home Was Always A Mystery, I Never Knew What To Expect From Anyone. My Family seemed To Know Some Big Secret That I Couldn't Know. Then Things Started Falling Apart And Yelling Was Always The Result; Cruel Words And Tears Haunted My Dreams. I wanted to Reach out and understand Why There Was so much sadness and Anger. And When I Tried Going To The One Person I Loved The Most for Safety I Was Pushed Away, Hearing Cruel Words Like The Ones I Heard DownStairs. Everything was so Chaotic that all the different incidents seemed to run together in one large clump. The Little Voice In My Head Told Me That It was My Fault, I wasn't Good Enough And They were Fighting, It seemed Like They were always fighting, threatening each other, and Suffering Behind Closed Doors, Acting As though nothing happened The Night Before. Communication Was split into sections, Saving The Fights For The Evening. Sometimes I Wanted To Run Away Just To Breath and Stop The Nightmares For a Little While, But No one would Let me Leave, wondering why I was always hysterically crying begging to be let go. Anxiety

Began Filling Every inch of my body, Constant fear of what would happen next and where, always on my mind

The Voice Had An Idea, I Should Be Punished For All Those Angry Words and the Tears.

I Became Convinced That, Thats Who I Was The One Who killed all The Things she touched And Nothing Could Change it. I seemed To Posses This Ability Without Even Knowing About it. So I Shut Down, And Lived On Autopilot Shielding Myself From Having To See The Destruction I Would Cause. I Never Thought That Maybe My Sickness Could Manipulate Me. The Fear Grew More Everyday, And The More I Beat Myself Up, The Wider My Mind Opened To The Manipulation Of The Little Voice In My Head.

I Couldn't  Block Everything Out, So The Things I Had To Deal With Called For All Of My Stress To Gather and An Incredible Amount Of Pressure To Do Something Right For Once. The Little Voice Would Come Back From Time To Time Reminding me Of What I really Was. I Still Tried, even With  My Inevitable Failure Sitting In The Back Of My Mind. At least I Could Chalk it up to my Inadequacy as A Human Being.

Always Feeling That Way But keeping the memories Locked away, i actually Did The Things I Would Expect People Who Were “inadequate” to do, and When I Ended up Being Hurt Instead of Hurting I Believed That Fate Was Dealing The Punishment Now. I Continued Onward Completely Unaware That The Things I Had Hidden From Myself were Really The Things I Needed To Set me Free.

Memories
19:41 May 16 2013
Times Read: 343

Memories, its funny how they make you feel everything all over again. The slightest touch can send you into a spasm of sights, smells, and feelings that you wouldn't care to forget. Even the most beautiful and serene places can become dungeons of the mind; but, without memories, you are lost, your world grows dimmer in the light of your sanity.



Hope, can bring the most wonderful feelings upon you, but can also crush you at the last moment; sending you into a whirlwind of pain and misery, but hope can also bring joy and senseless wonder. A light in the darkness.



Poverty, the most barren section of your mind comes alive and brings you to your knees. It kills everything and makes you watch in horror as everything you love is dropped to rubble.



Love. Getting butterflies every time you look at them, feeling the powerful rush like water in your heart every time your eyes meet theirs; pooling together in a lake of color. Breathless kisses in the darkness, but not being afraid, not worrying about loss or despair only seeing lights behind your eyelids. Bursts of energy coarse through your veins hoping to join with that of your lovers.









Peace.

Inside & Out
19:40 May 16 2013
Times Read: 344

Outside



Calm

Collected

Smiling

Relaxed

In Control

Confident

Distant

Look Mad 

Look Depressed

Never Say Too Much

Sarcastic

Flirtatious

Child-like Excitement

Always Willing To Listen

Never Get Too Close

Relatable

Funny

Loving

Smart

Happy

Hard Headed

Difficult 

Easily Amused

Free

Slightly Tortured

 

 

 

 

Inside



Lost

Hurt

Untrusting

Scared

Depressed

Locked Up

Attached

Lonely

Self Destructive

Hating Myself

Disgusted by Myself

Fear of Failure(why try at all?)

Not Good Enough

Fear of Being Abandoned

Push Everyone Away

Walls

Anxiety

Doubt

Hope







Its Like I Lock Myself Up Inside 

No One Can Come In.

Someone Gets Close

I Destroy Whatever Is Between Us And Run Away.

The Fucked Up Part;

I Want To Be Close To Someone I Want To Trust I Want My Walls To Crumble

But They Won't 

Not Yet.

I Have So Much Work To Do.

And Being Alone Is The Best Way To Do It.

So I Apologize In Advance 

If You Choose To Stick Around

Im Working On Changing

Trusting

One Tiny Step At A Time.

Hail & Fairwell
19:38 May 16 2013
Times Read: 345

I am blank, staring into the sky while it rains. I am damaged and ripped apart by the things I cant run away from fast enough. I stumble trying to overcompensate for the little grasp I have on life, and it seems as though I am falling away from myself, a dark force dragging me into the abyss, my wounds bleeding as though they have been fresh for days. It burns, the red liquid flowing faster, oozing out of my skin like poison. I close my eyes and see monsters grasping at my arms and legs trying to get me back to the darkness, I am teetering on the edge of destruction and salvation. I take a deep breath absorbing the cold air, and scream.

Drian
19:36 May 16 2013
Times Read: 346

Slice and rip

Watch it drip

My tears are falling

The razor is calling

And I’m stuck in its grip.



I count my breaths

Think about death..



Let me get this drink

I don’t want to think

Help me silence my fears

After all these years





But I still see your face.





My body is a prison

So I cut it up,

Tear it up,

Because I hate it.



I hate how it remembers

Every touch, every poison whisper from your mouth

I want to cut the dirt from my skin

But its everywhere, I am infested.





Everyone wants to save me;

To make me okay

But I’m not, I won’t be.

Im screaming, dying to get away, to remember nothing just for a day. (one day)



Get Out



I can’t run fast enough

And all anyone can see is my blank stare

While everything inside of me is on fire

And I’m trapped.



I have to get away.

3:00AM
19:35 May 16 2013
Times Read: 347

I’m Fighting With Myself.

It Would Be So Easy.



One, Two, Three



Rip

Tear

Blood



The Smell Of Iron In The Air

The Rush

Gradual Numbness



Escape.

Escape.

Escape.



What Difference Does It Make?





I’ll Still Have To Live Another Day.

Still Have To Crawl Out Of Bed.

Still Have To Hold Myself Together.



One More

Day

Sunrise

Sunset



It’s Funny

How Someone Is Placed On Earth For a Bigger Purpose

But All They Want Is To Be Numb

Tuned Out

Anywhere But Here



Anywhere

Anyone Else.



“You Have Every Reason To Live”

They Say

“You Have So Much To Accomplish,So Much Happiness To Achieve.”



I Don’t Want To Achieve

I Don’t Want To Have To Open My Eyes

And See What My Life Is

What Its Become

And The Way Everyone With Their Painted Smiles Walk Around



Pretending.

Pretending This Life Is Fair

When It’s Not.

Pretending Life is Happy, Free, And Beautiful.

When All The Darkness Is Hidden

Stored Away

We’ve Learned To Show Only Pretty Pictures

On The Outside

Inside;

The Walls Are Cracked

Chipping

The Floor Is Caving

And There Are Ghosts In The Walls.





Cursed With Memories

I See Everyday

This Life,

The Charmed Life

The Expected Life

Becomes Taboo



And The Expectations Become Too Much;

So I Daydream Of The Day When I Am Literally Nothing

And Nowhere.

2:25 AM
19:34 May 16 2013
Times Read: 348




I Can’t Forget You.

I’ve Been Peeling The Skin From My Arms Again.

I’m Sorry.

I Know You Hate It.





I Went Back In Time The Other Day

Saw Him

Felt Him

All Over Again.



My Body Broke

Like It Always Does.

And I Cried. My 6 Year Old Self Released.



You Didn’t Hold Me.

You Can’t Anymore.



I’m So Sorry

I Won’t Run Back To You.



I’m Still Stuck On Why

Why Didn’t I See

Why Were My Eyes Closed

Sewn Shut.





Wide Open Now

As You Chase Me.

Terrorize Me.

Tear Me Apart.

Isolate Me.

Hold Me Down

Spit In My Face.



Salt My Wounds.





Still I Cry.

Missing You

Everyday.

Dying Because I Just Want Things To Work.



I Rip My Skin For You;

Come In.



Please.



Help Me Destruct.



Hold Me

As My Last Breath Lowers My Chest.



I Can Die Loved

I Can Die Safe

I Can Die.



How Could You

How Could You

How Could You



My Words Are Stuck



How Could You.



Come In

Come In

Come In



I’ll Let You Win



Just Make It Stop





Please.

<3
19:32 May 16 2013
Times Read: 349

When she looks at him her vision becomes blurred around the edges He seems to be the only thing she sees clearly the only one with the link from who she was to who she could be She is terrified to get any more attached to him but as he holds her against him as she listens to his heart beat her fears melt away and her walls come crashing down She has no power over her feelings she loves him and thats all there is to it no conditions no rules just pure hopeless love