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So here I am up at 2:28am. ( I knew I should not have had that espresso after dinner tonight)…. This is the hardest time of the day for me. The house is quiet but my mind is not.



I have been thinking a lot about life lately….funny the things I think these days. It really is all new to me as I never thought that I would actually make it past 25 and yet here I am ….. a decade or so later. I feel like I am on one of those cosmic loops – a perpetual groundhog day. Same thing over and over.

I am sure that there is a linkage to my little one getting ready for kindergarten….the information came in the mail this weekend and I swear I had a mini panic attack. For a second there I pictured myself quitting my job, moving to the woods and home schooling my daughter. Then reality set in because frankly I cannot quit my job, I would not last three hours in the woods and I am not smart enough to home school anyone. I know that this is going to be way harder on me than it will be on her…..but I still worry. I grew up an only child and despite my attempts it looks like my daughter will do the same. I just hope that she can forge some true friendships (unlike me)



Which brings me to the crux of what I think is my issue. I have been taking stock of my life and (as I have mentioned many times before) I do not like what I see. I know I can take things to the extremes but I feel like the first step to breaking out of this cycle is to start to distance myself from people that have known me for most of my life. I know that this sounds stupid but I want new things now – different things and it is really hard to chase after that when you are surrounded by people who are constantly questioning what you are doing because they like the status quo. Doing this has been hard for me. Although I am a Gemini - I really loathe change. It has been lonely these past couple of weeks but I am hoping to get myself involved in some new activities that will allow me to meet new people. Of course this assumes that they will be open to meeting new people. I live in an area of pompous overpaid asses……and I tend to be the black sheep. Most women do not even work ….. *sigh* so I am already at a disadvantage. Especially since I have always gotten along better with men than women. But as they say…. Onward and upward!

I am not one for self help books but so many people I know have told me to get The Secret. I will give anything a try so I downloaded it tonight on my nook……I will start to read it tomorrow. (I had to finish Dead End Dating - a Vampire novel first) If anyone out there has read it let me know what you thought.



Now it is 2:55am and I will admit that I stopped typing this long enough to check out some journals and coven pages but I really need to try and force myself to go to bed. I need to be up in 4 hours……*ugh*.



Wish me luck…

COMMENTS

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Theban
11:34 Aug 16 2010

The Secret is a great documentary and is all about positive thought...you’ll need to find yourself a stone (an anchor) to keep in your pocket lol. It sort of makes sense but is harder to put into practice if you have nothing to make nothing!



I'm still waiting for my Million!

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xxEmaeraldxx
22:38 Aug 27 2010

Good luck!

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