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So now I totally wish I'd taken more pictures of my dog. Baby Girl, well...simply put, she was the best dog I ever had. She was a Golden Retriever/Chow mix, cop trained, and just an all around sweet heart. But this sad entry isn't just mourning the death of my best friend, it's also mourning the death of my grandpa Art too.



Crap...I didn't even get to say goodbye. I didn't get to tell them that I loved them, that they'll always be in my heart...I've known for a couple of days now, but...it just sank in...shit...too much is happening at once...

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LadyChordewa
05:37 Jan 08 2009

*hugs*

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No matter what I do, it seems that I can't please people for very long. Nor do I seem to surround myself with people who know how to keep promises. *sigh* Too bad I've gotten used to it.



Anyways...this Christmas, I do expect to have some bit of fun. It would be nice to finally have an actual Christmas. All my life, my Christmases meant sitting like a good little girl and passing out presents to ungrateful cousins all the while, receiving nothing. While I'm not very big on getting things in the first place, it would have been nice of my family to show me, even with a hug or a card, or something, that they cared, but it never happened.



This year, I will be spending my first Christmas ever with my dad, and while I thought I would be excited, I just can't gather enough energy to mutter a Horray or a "whoopty doo." Christmas this year will be shrouded by the fact that my dad's drunken, manipulative, conniving, theiving girlfriend is going to be here, all because my dad couldn't get off his ass and keep one silly little promise to kick her out if she pulled her shit again.



I should have flown off the handle, I should have flipped out, acted like a kid, and thrown things, but no, like the good little girl I am, I stayed quiet and tried to make the best of things. I don't know if my dad is a Masochist or a Sadist. I can't seem to decide if he likes to be hurt, or likes to see that bitch hurt me. I think it's a toss up with no way for either option to win.



It seems that some good will be coming out of this Christmas though. You see, to me, the greatest gift of all is not what you receive, but one you give. To me, the greatest gift I can give is to touch a person's heart, whether with my actions, or with my words, and it made me smile that I could finally say something right. It makes me happy that I can help other people with what I say, instead of cause people frustration. I won't tell you exactly what went down, because I'm not one to gloat, It just made me happy that I made someone else happy, and thus far, this Christmas is turning out to be a good one indeed.

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LadyChordewa
01:00 Dec 05 2008

*hugs Nartina* Thank you for being you.

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Well...I'm sick...again. This really sucks. I'm just happy I wasn't sick on Thanksgiving, although, I think the tiredness and all around crappiness I was feeling that night had something to do with what I have now. Basically, I've been coughing a lot. Feels like I'm getting bronchitis again. *sigh* I get it at least twice a year. It doesn't help that I smoke. Anyways, I've been practically chugging water, and nyquil, hoping I can get to sleep, but it's not working. I can't stop coughing long enough to get to sleep, so basically I'm really tired and cranky, and sick, and....well...the other stuff is personal. Basically, I have a bad combination going at the moment. But all around, I'm fine. We finally have our house decorated for Christmas. It looks nice. OH! And there's a nice coating of snow on the ground outside. About two inches. Not my favorite situation, but hey, what can I expect. I better get used to it, because they say this is supposed to be the worst winter we've had here in about 20 years.



My dad made a comment to me last night. He said something about how I loved giving him attitude. It made me want to slap him across the face. He has no idea how hard it is for me to not be nice to him, and then he has the gall to say shit that pisses me off, and then expect me not to show it. I told him that if he didn't want me to give him attitude, then he should stop saying stuff like he said. I don't think he heard me because my voice basically came out as a croak, not the best situation when you want to make a point across, but oh well. This isn't permanent.



My boyfriend AJ is flipping out about this "cold" I have. See, I've already had pneumonia three times, and he's afraid that I'll get it again, and die. I keep telling him it's not going to happen, but I get the feeling that I'm going to have to get some sort of vaccination or test just to ease his suffering. I've had it enough times to know the symptoms, and this feels more like bronchitis than pneumonia. I have Chronic Bronchitis, and I get it usually twice a year, sometimes three times, so I'm quite used to it. I just hate when I get it, because regular cold medicine, while effective on easing the pain, doesn't seem to work. Oi...my immune system is so fucked. lol I just hope this doesn't last very long. I hate being sick.



So that's the speel on me for the time being. I'll keep ya posted...

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LadyChordewa
01:51 Dec 03 2008

Feel better soon hon.

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