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The pain wrecks my head. It I were to carve it out, I'd probably have a masterpiece. It throbs, and discharges and causes me great ill-- if only I could soothe it, rather I lose my hearing in that ear or not.



If only the silence could envelope me-- give me tha peace I need to sleep, then I'd be in somewhat of a heavenly place.





If only... if only.

Then my mind could rest, and my soul could soar once more.

I never thought in my wildest dreams that someone would have such a strong connection to me-- least of all, here. Seems I have from a renewed, good friend.

_____________

yes, they have. Once I was able to find the source of the attack, I was able to place the appropriate blocks. The chaotic nature of the assault had me confused, and as such, not well grounded. It's not often that such happens to me, I would assume it was because of the sheer vastness and volume of it that took me off guard.



I know you're having problems yourself at the moment. So anything I can do, count on it. I would like to meet with you some time though. Sometimes it takes a real physical touch to break through and open the gates to the energies around us. I would like to do this for two reasons. One, to be able to help you with what you are going through, and hopefully unlock the answers you are seeking.. and secondly, to cement the bond we had started so many months ago. I can still feel you from time to time.. It would be nice to have someone to share my mind with again. What you did for me may seem small, but to me it wasn't. And as so, I can't think of another person I'd trust with unrestricted access to my true energies. :D

i am glad that you are relatively well if those two words can actually stand next to each other in a sentence



it is a pity that you have deleted most of your journal, and all of your portfolio as i have noted



i was rather enjoying reading your words



at one time i used to get the greatest thrill out of destroying work that i had created with my own hands, i like to burn crush and tear , the ones that were soaked in mopre blood afforded the greater , for lack of a word pleasure, it is a warlike blood lust kind of pleasure, but you understand i think without me having to go into the details



your angst is indeed most refreshing



it is pregnant with possibility

this is the sense i am getting off of reading your words



there seems to be an urgency that is being restricted, delayed, somehow

inertia seems to be the thing that comes in the way



may i ask when your birthday is

i know that it is perhaps in april, from the fact that you have mentioned aries in the profile, it is the number though that i am more interested in.



i have found in my experiences that the missing pieces are the ones that motivate us beyond ourselves



to force evolution so to speak



the fires that rise to the ocassion , sensing the cold



adversity is most benificial for certain kinds of people, espescially those of an excessively passionate and warriorlike bent of self



diamonds need to be cut to draw their fire



this is what i tell myself

and what do you know it is true it appears



the frying pan and fire both i have found are perfect sites to lay a crucible and cook the self to be



it comes in cycles for me, of stripping, humility and bleeding, of the feet and the earth

and of building, nourishment, rising, and the hear

of elevation and the stars, no beyond the stars



i will take that word"friend" and keep it with me



angst is needing a movement i have found



it is perhaps the dawning of the truth before the means to digest it exists



perhaps it is the seed of all psychosis, and revolution in the spitit



there must be an evolution i feel at all levels, this is facilitated so well by angst



warriors need war

it is as simple as those three words



peace time makes them fat and lazy

To die, only to live again-- the soul immortal lives rather we've won or lost.



Being wise means knowing that you may know something, but will never know everything.

On 01:07:50 Feb 05 2006 Narakyndryn wrote:

What exactly do you seek?



I feel it's best to pass the others piddling away in your forum and strike at the heart.



Ask.

Perhaps I can shed light on the subject you seek.



"I seek power and I seek redemption for our kind. I seek to make Vampyres the leading peoples of the world. I seek to show humanity what and who we are. I seek to tell humanity that we are not easily put down and that we are indeed real. I seek revenge on all who have hated us, put us down, killed us, feared us, mutilated our society, and left us to survive in the shadows. That is what I seek. Yes I am cold and I am heartless but I have waited enough for this."



Broken down with answers:



"I seek power and I seek redemption for our kind. I seek to make Vampyres the leading peoples of the world."



-Our- kind, if you are indeed the same as I am, needs no redemption as you call it. We are leaders in some cases, but hide in shadow (or in my case, lighted shade of a daywalker), to keep harmony. We show ourselves in like-- you are as I, and I am as you are. Simple. There is no need to fight, or seek vengance for being set aside.

We are almost a religion if you will-- pardon the example, but I feel it's best. We have come a long, long way-- such as Don from Mad Mad House, and various others that have come forward. We are several of many-- awakened or near, or still locked away.



"I seek to show humanity what and who we are."



'They' as it were, know of us. -We- are derived from humanity. A higher source on the mentality scale when awakened at least, but many are curious of us and want to be told we exist, proof. However many of us seek to remain under the Black Veil (http://www.vampires.nu/pages/Black_Veil.cfm/PageID/20), a code of ethics just as the Rule of 3 is to Witches (I am one of those as well), and the Witches Creed. However others are more for the mystique as it were-- V:tM LARPers who hide themselves till they feel they're ready to embrace the real world, or go so far as to voice themselves... in policitcs (http://www.sundaytimes.news.com.au/common/story_page/0,7034,17809956%25255E1702,00.html). Overall, it is best to meditate-- vampirism, at least for me, is far more metaphysical than physical. Blood is all well and good, but pranic or atmospheric energy is far easier, more peaceful to attain.

Plus the looks you sometimes get while feeding are priceless.



"I seek to tell humanity that we are not easily put down and that we are indeed real."



The vampire for governor example (second link), is a good example of what NOT to do. Fetishist community seems more apt to adopt us, but many scenes are far too close to 'grasping at straws' with their own identities. Take all things in stride, and with a grain of salt.



"I seek revenge on all who have hated us, put us down, killed us, feared us, mutilated our society, and left us to survive in the shadows. That is what I seek. Yes I am cold and I am heartless but I have waited enough for this."



Again, revenge is not the answer in this. However, the best revenge is to learn how to feed energy-wise, practice the see, seek, refine analogy of the Black Veil, and to find others that will guide you as need be.

I have just only had a 2nd awakening of sorts-- a time to relax and embrace and enjoy what gifts I've been given.

My name, my voice, my mind. These are your weapons, not your hate.

I know this isn't what you seek in the ways of revenge, but this is what you should ponder in this. Many of us are seeking to gain understanding, not vengence in the ways of mundane vs. vampires.



"I am not many of us. I am me and I Hate All Humanity. Perhaps I am also warmongering. I too seek understanding but not at the levels anyone here speaks of. And if you really do seek understanding then understand this. I will not be stopped or persauded. If many of us do seek understanding, then there are still some who agree with me."



Your soul will recycle with bitterness and I seek not to change nor coax you into my thinking. I just know the way you seek understanding is not that of those here. Many of these are -children- who cannot -conceive- the levels you and I as college students do.

They're still learning math at 14, while we seek knowledge of the heart, soul, and if the Master painters really did hide something besides themselves inside more than their paintings.



What you seek is an early grave then, and many I assure you will help you with that if you tread as lead.



I'll leave you to your devices. Good luck with your search.



Narakyndryn Mae'ere Shayrd

Healer of Shadows

This match of so-called wits needs to stop.



I may not be a moderator, but I feel that this is becoming quite senseless.



Those of you that want proof need to stifle yourselves. If you care for proof, seek it out instead of hiding from it.



Those that claim to be vampires and that humans are inferior-- and furthermore cannot even SPELL 'houman' correctly need put their V:tM books away, leave the site, or both.



Having been part of this site since late 2004, I've seem many changes in this place-- mostly referring to its people-- that have been both for good and for bad. We've lost some of our best, gained some of our worst-- even cast others out with no remorse.



I find myself trapped between a rock and a hard place trying to find a place to call 'home' around here, without needing to be specialized.



I'm adding this rant to my journal. I could really care less of many of you at this point.