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Laying low today, though my Lead at work said don't call in or he's screwed. It's not -my- problem I feel so bad-- I need to rest. If I have enough energy, maybe I can go out and see a movie with my sister-- but if not (as I feel now), I wil stay and rest.



I could use a massage right now....

I went ahead and worked today. I don't usually, seeing as the dancing usually pushes me enough as of late-- however, I nearly passed out in class, and almost BEFORE class at my Love's house.



I hate when my legs have a a feeling of giving out, I haven't been able to eat, and the like. I'll be eatting like an absolute pig in order to keep myself even walking tomorrow.



Needless to say, I am not a happy camper in that reguard.



However, I did receive a thank you from our dear Admin Daire, which ment quite a bit to me, as my thread-born thank you apparently meant a lot.



As I told Daire, I tend to be rather blunt at times-- and I felt a thank you for their never-ending stream of work needed thanks.



Because I fucking said so.



*flops*

My eyes grow heavy, but I cannot sleep.

In my mind, I live out certain fantisies-- not ones of kinky or gore, but absolutely yearning to be what I am not.



I'll again smother myself in sunscreen, hopingmy skin doesn't feel the burn as much as it did before. It's a petty task, really. I say so because I know so-- as it always is. No matter how much I wear, or how much concealer I wear, my skin always seems to have that red, almost boiling look to it.



...I hate this more that you can possibly know.

I find it funny how others treat me as if I'm something to be bartered for.



I'm too tired and antici...pating about the day's events. I crack my back, my neck and slide across the floor working on the belly dancing routine for my class.



All I can truly think of, is him.

...Niles said that I need to stop sitting on my ass at the computer and find a real job-- when I work for the theme park, but they aren't giving me hours due to being ass-hats. I've talked with my supervisor to no avail aparently-- which pisses me off.



Also, the reason I'm on the computer so much is to socialize since my car is out of my hands at the moment, and in order to get homework done with my group members who live out towards the Disney area. Does he care? Apparently not.



He also said he felt he was doing 'all this' for nothing-- pertaining to us trying to get an apartment come April. Funny, I felt the same way when I was damn-near supporting him since Palmer would not take him back till the beginning of January. Grrr....



I'm tempted to go get my guiea pigs (which he 'can't keep up with,') clean their cage at his house, bring them hme, and leave him a note saying I'm taking the weekend off from him.



I'm sure he'll take it as a 'she's not coming back,' but I'll grab a few DvDs I wanted to snag to watch anyhow while I work out this weekend. I will be one hot tomato of sexiness come Monday, and he'll just have to deal.

"From:

12:58:48

Feb 05 2005





i only want to tell you that, my partner is not a pedophile, and thats not a fair thing to imply. our 15 year old daughter told us about this place. he is young at heart, and surely you can understand that, being an aries. he saw alot of people putting old ages down like that, ie, born: 1400, etc., and followed suit. if you notice, many do it.

i took it upon myself to write you on his behalf. he isnt much of a typist and wouldnt know what to say anyway. i could tell it hurt him, but he tried to play it off. he is a simple man. he probably wrote "huh?", because of the hood comment. ;) now, i wont be replying. i dont take orders. "





As this is -my- journal, I feel the need to voice the fact this person erased the message I sent them, and didn't bother keeping in the lines of the conversation at hand.



Rather a typist or not, the person in question -is- capable of independant thought-- if so interested in this site. As to why this -other- person had to send me a message like this in reply, is beyond me.



I simply said since there have been pedophile-like activities noted in the past (everyone prolly past November 2004 won't know who I mean, but the others might), the whole '666/Underworld/Hell' thing is childish-- thus my comment.



Yes, I have noticed how many -children- and rather disillusioned individuals tend to make thmeselves out as ancient Lestat-esque vampires when obviously to some, this site is not an RP- (Role Playing)-based site. It's informative, community-based, and certainly a place where voice can be heard from -any- angle. I'm just sorry a lot of it as of late is the angle right up some person's arse.



Why should explain myself to anyone but the person involved-- not their spouse, not their lover, nor their fuck buddy as some cases may be.



There are plenty other -adult- site, with more conversational information besides 'what's your favorite song' and 'who'd you fuck.'



If that's what I need to do-- abandon those friends I've made here as well as petty little enemies-- then fine.



Otherwise, I am here to check messages, make sure certain beloved ones have someone to lean on when need be, and to ocassionally bother to read some 13-year-old's profile.



That's my rant, and I'm sticking to it.