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The Hardest Nights



God, I should just sleep,

I think at one, two, now three.

The hours tick by and I am

Helpless.



I never knew how cold a room

Could feel.

Shuffle, arrange, roll over, beat the pillows.

It never works.



It’s so still in this room,

This home.

No lights, no noise.

Silence.



It’s too big.

The room, the bed, the silence

The world.



I feel the ache again

As I fight the urge to crawl into a hole and die.

Even the cat won’t come near me,

In my sad state.



It’s nights like these

I hate the most.

It’s nights like these,

When I’m so alone,

That I hate you the most.

It’s nights like these,

When I hate the silence,

the bed,

the coldness of this room,

that I think of you most.



My youth always gets the best of me

On nights like these.



When we finally meet,

My youth will speak

And tell you in terms

Too brash to use in public

How much I missed you.