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I practiced. I took a bath. I feel better. Still not great.

I'm going to practice now. I'll stop when I'm tired. Then I'll practice some more. Maybe I can make these feelings go away if I play enough.

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shellsbells
03:55 Jul 31 2013

Im so sorry for your pain, :(

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Today I feel slightly better, but I cried this morning, and I teared up randomly throughout the day. I will try to act as if everything is as it should be. I will take my bath and practice, and hope this feeling goes away. What else can I do?

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xxxPoisonIvyxxx
02:46 Jul 30 2013

*hugs*

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The Great Dark Beast is back. He has risen from the depths to drag me down, and I can't fight him. Please let this be a short visit- a few hours, a day or two- not weeks, months years, like before.



Today I am empty of all but sadness. My heart aches, and I have nothing left to give but tears.

I just learned something else. I was right- it was my fingers! Not just the position they were in, but I was actually pressing too hard on the strings. I even know why it happened. When I was first learning, I had a different violin. The only way to get a note was to press extremely hard on the string. I know now I don't even need to press down all the way to make a clear note. I feel like I'm floating on top of the strings. But now my reference points for knowing where the notes are feel different. Ugh!

Same eight notes over and over again.

Play. Adjust. Repeat. Over and over and over and over. When you're tired, do it one more time. Then once more, then once more. Don't stop until you're actually making more, or different, mistakes than when you started. Just keep going.



I'm starting to hear more of the harmonics in the notes. I'm hearing more ringing tones when I play. I love diving into each tone hearing every aspect of it. I'm still improving, and I'm loving the process.



Why did I ever give this up? Why?

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LORDMOGY
06:40 Jul 21 2013

Post a video of you playing. Wearing a thong is optional. ^_^

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NLW
16:33 Jul 21 2013

Haha!

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Oceanne
05:48 Jul 26 2013

I did the samme thing.I stopped playing for 27 years and only a short time ago started back. It will come back fast, youll see. Its been about 1 1/2 months and I am making good money at it again already. Not to mention how great it feels.

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NLW
06:14 Jul 26 2013

Yay! That's good to hear!

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I think I may (finally) be gaining a more secure bow grip. That is helpful. I need to work on shifting into positions- I'm just a little off. I am still improving, and my overall tone is definitely improving, as is my strength. Yaay!

Oh my gosh! I haven't played the Mozart since high school. I didn't realize I was that good in high school! I feel as if I'm competing with my teenage self, and she's staring, wide-eyed, with a slightly pained look on her face for all the mistakes I'm making. Oh well. It will get better.

Mozart Violin Concerto #4 in D Major.

Today, I am full of YES!

I went to the group, and I did okay. Yes, I missed some notes, but I haven't sight-read in so long, that was to be expected. I had a nice conversation with my former orchestra teacher, and she gave me a ride to the fast-food restaurant in the center where the buses pick up. I had a wrap and something to drink.



I turned heads when I walked in the restaurant. People were probably curious about my instrument. Then when I walked across the shopping center parking lot, people driving by in their cars and waiting for the buses turned their heads to watch me. Maybe I was walking differently, but I know at one point I got a sly little smile on my face, and I thought, "Yeah, I'm a musician, I'm mysterious. Haha."



Then I got on the bus and made my way home with Ernst, in his case, nestled safely between my legs.



Now to keep playing. At every opportunity. And to prepare for the audition in August. I need some music. I haven't decided what.

It's closer. She's picking me up in half an hour!

I don't need to take the bus tomorrow. A friend is taking me. I can't believe I'm doing this-but I am! I'm actually going to be playing in a group with other people!



Remember to breathe.

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CrimsonTorment
05:14 Jul 13 2013

You will be fine!



I will be with you, soft as a whisper. Smiling, making you smile. Holding your hand, making you fearless!

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NLW
05:15 Jul 13 2013

Awww. Thank you!

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"And a bird without its wings is a low and tragic thing"-James Vincent McMorrow ("We are Ghosts")



If only I'd known I was cutting my own wings. I know now.



Never again.



Never again.



My wings are growing back.

It hurts. It is right. It is necessary.

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supernova
03:04 Jul 12 2013

Sometimes the necessary is what makes us better:) xoxo

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NLW
05:04 Jul 12 2013

Yes. :)

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I am learning two new songs for him. I am so glad he is there to listen to me!

I am terrified. But I'm going to do it. I just need to find out what time the bus gets there.

Sometimes the best thing for you is the painful thing. If everything remains comfortable, you don't grow, you don't change. Knowing this doesn't make it any easier.

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ladybriarrose
08:10 Jul 12 2013

I keep referring back to this.

It's so true in so many ways and on so many levels. Thank you for reminding me it's worthwhile regardless of what it takes to get there.

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NLW
15:36 Jul 12 2013

You're welcome. I am trying to keep this in mind, lately.

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I have improved immensely the last few days, and I am looking forward to playing for him again.



I know it won't be perfect. I need to learn to accept imperfections. I will keep improving with time.

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supernova
07:47 Jul 07 2013

Im sure it will be exquisite and loved;) thats an art thats incredible to listen to:)

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I Just got new bras! My breasts got bigger- again. What the heck? The rest of me got smaller but my breasts grew? Why? I hope the new bras help my violin playing.

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supernova
00:12 Jul 07 2013

*raises hand* I want that problem ;)

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LORDMOGY
04:14 Jul 07 2013

*raises hand* I want to 'see' that problem. :p

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I still have some of the same issues with my playing that I had in college. I have discovered, the last couple of days, at least one of the problems. My technique, in college, was actually corrected incorrectly. I have watched several violinists online the last few days, and have realized that the problem wasn't my arm- which is what I'd been told- it's my finger! The difference between now and then? I'm not nineteen years old and I'm no longer afraid to point out something that doesn't make sense to me. I still need strength and muscle control, but now that I'm more aware, I may actually end up playing better than I used to- eventually.

I can feel my skill slowly coming back. Sore fingers and tight muscles, and that urge to keep practicing that I have to hold back, so that I don't damage anything. I am starting to sound better.

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LORDMOGY
04:42 Jul 04 2013

Cool! ^_^

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My performance did not suck, according to the one I played for. Now he's assigned me another song- to do in three days. I look forward to playing for him again!

I didn't realize how much I missed my violin. I missed the pinch of the strings under my fingers, the body vibrating on my shoulder and sending vibrations through my chest. I missed the texture of the wood. I even missed the smell!

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Isis101
06:25 Jul 02 2013

Lovely memories...to continue on!

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NLW
15:08 Jul 02 2013

Yes. I will continue!

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I am coming face to face with how much my skill level has slipped since I stopped playing my violin regularly. The memory is there, but I have a hard time making my muscles do it. I used to be at college level, and now I play like I'm back in seventh grade! And yet, even in one day there has been- albeit miniscule- improvement. I will have to work to get fluidity, and my callouses, back. It would also help if I had the music written down instead of playing it by ear, but having only one day to learn the two songs doesn't give me enough time. Here's hoping my intended audience forgives me for lightly torturing two of his favorites!

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Isis101
04:01 Jul 01 2013

At least you can play an instrument. I'm sure that your skill will return with playing more.

One of my nephews (the one who use to be a pretty niece) is proficient in the violin and the cello.

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