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Today would've been my mom's 77th birthday. It's also my former therapist's birthday. Funny coincidence.

I no longer have body aches from the flu, which I started feeling a week ago Thursday, but I still have a low grade fever. And I was so tired after school today, I slept, then spaced out watching movies. Just wasted time. I hope I don't regret it later. I still have to catch up in History. The good news is that I did well on the philosophy test I had to make up. I got everything right, including all the extra credit. Yay me. I just did not have the energy to do any schoolwork after school today. And I have to go back to work tomorrow. Still coughing, and there's still mucus, although it's much thinner. If I could stay home till next Tuesday, I would. Lazy? Not really. Just worn out.



I'm also worried because this year (probably more than a year, actually) I keep getting sick. I might have some underlying problem messing with my immune system. The idea scares me, so I'm trying not to think about it, but of course, I'm thinking about it, or I wouldn't be writing about it. I can only do so much at a time. I keep going in the rest of my life, and address one problem at a time, health-wise. I just worry that I'm running out of time, and all that I've done to fight to make my life better will come to nothing.



Both my parents died of cancer, as did my great-grandmother on my dad's mom's side. My brain keeps coming up with that word over and over again. There may be another explanation. I hope there is.



I needed to put these thoughts somewhere. I am hoping I will look back on them later and realize that I was worried for no reason.

Trying to remain positive while you feel like falling apart because you don't want to bug anyone because you worry you complain too much. Yeah, that. Oh yeah, and you had anxiety so you complained, so now you have anxiety about complaining. Brain, why?

COMMENTS

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Tristesse
07:16 Feb 09 2017

My brain, heart and I cannot get along very well, either. :(

*hugz*

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