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something has been lost

i don't know what...

but it's gone and i feel it





been so busy with photo jobs i have no time for anything

i miss so much and i even miss some people..

;]



something is straining and something has to break

i hope it's not me, or someone else



a british boy who shops for a house looks forward to the time it will be 'ours' and i wonder if our dream will be reality or just fade away when we wake up

will i find strength from somewhere?

can i?



i hope i stay asleep...



please don't wake me

grey eyes darken reflected by the skies' storms... the place you call heaven opens it's flood gates and angry waters rush in to drown the fires in eyes that burned brightly against your paleness.. ugly drunken angels drown in seas of their own narcissism and beautiful demons furtively attempt to set aflame the passions you once were, drawing back the curtain of sin and showing you all you are... bare, bruised and broken in all your glory.. frozen in time with a fate that was not meant for you, but only the one you accepted... i saw what you gave up for lost and followed in darkness , wondering where your steps lead us and why you felt you had to choose that path alone... the spirits that grasped at you were only fades in their insubstantially ...shadows of things that held you back...ghosts of you that might have been... and the flames that flared at each step were only the desires ignored and regretfully pushed aside as you strode to the end of a destiny no one wanted, but what you burdened yourself with, for what it was, without question... you turned to look at me once, a smile playing across your lips and a soft storm in your eyes.. green and grey fighting to become one...

with out speaking you turned away.... the light faded from before you and as the darkness rushed in there was a burning... a phantom fire that stirred momentarily and then faded slowly to steady warmth that made me smile

it laces everything

it holds me back

all the happiness

all the desire

it bounds me

and won't let me go

i can't fight it alone

and no one can help me

a personal battle from within

that leaves scars

and wounds no one sees

but those who know where to look

appearance of strength

casual smiles

hide wincing that seeps to the bone

wishing something

anything

could fix it

make it go away

actions made in desperation is not bravery

a clam appearance does not mean i'm not screaming

steely eyes do not mean i lack fear



fear....











"Did I disappoint you or let you down?

Should I be feeling guilty or let the judges frown?

'Cause I saw the end before we'd begun,

Yes I saw you were blinded and I knew I had won.

So I took what's mine by eternal right.

Took your soul out into the night.

It may be over but it won't stop there,

I am here for you if you'd only care.

You touched my heart you touched my soul.

You changed my life and all my goals.

And love is blind and that I knew when,

My heart was blinded by you.

I've kissed your lips and held your hand.

Shared your dreams and shared your bed.

I know you well, I know your smell.

I've been addicted to you."