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So you think it’s ok to put your best friend on the back burner every time a man comes into your life? Fist there was W and you thought you had found love, you called for a few mins everyday to say hi and I accepted you had found your happiness. I could understand you wanting to spend time with him and was ok with it, forgave the transgress when you apologized for doing it. Then there was D and you thought you loved him too, came to my house so you could fuck him and you were different….someone I wasn’t fond of…I voiced my concerns and you understood. I got my friend back in one piece and no one was angry or hurt. Now there is C and you love him and he takes up every free second you allow him. Is it coincidence that you lived with me and the neighbors across the street saw you more? Is it coincidence that I talk to you less now than I did when you were with W? I let you live with me, rent free, cleaning up after you and your children and you haven’t even paid me for the photos I took of you for your mother’s Christmas present. I ask again, is this how you treat your friends? And you still expect me to keep your dog in my back yard? Better make different arrangements, because that means I’m still paying to feed him. Why did you have to move JUST across the street…saying it’s because you didn’t want to go far from me….maybe I wanted you to. One things for certain I’m not letting Ax get too comfortable with your boy friend, because I don’t trust him and I don’t want my dogs to either.

returning from nowhere

thought you could stay away



doubtful

needy

crushed

questioning

wanting

wondering

emotional

bitter sweet

everything you bring out in me, my weakness and my only desire

No idea how you move me

Contradiction streams into panic

Uncertainess

A feeling of kindred not of this world...

Moving through not knowing

How I watch

what I see

And shake my head at minds mirroring each other

Only I see it

Feel it...

I want to show you

Open it up

Over-expose the photograph of my heart

It only makes it feel cheap

Forced

Like everyone else....

Respect is earned

Due to those who inspire

Move

Create

To you I bow my head in respect

But you will never know How deep it is.

So.

I decided to stop smoking last week sometime, can’t remember when…

anyway

Today whilst I was wandering amongst my daily crap

I came across two women who had obliviously been smoking since they emerged and lit up from their mothers’ wombs.

Their skin was leather that had been tanned too much and was cracked and faded, their voices were harsh and brusque and I had visions of hoarseness I've never had before and when they spoke they used coughs between sentences as punctuation.

I watched them for a while and I can't be certain but I'm sure they were in their late 30s to mid 40s but their skin looked much older. MUCH OLDER.

For the first time I was glad I felt pleased that I decided to give up my smokes.

There is something strange going on in Hanna-Barbera cartoons.

Something dark and sinister under the colorful stupidity on the surface….

COMMENTS

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Shocker124
02:31 Apr 05 2009

so you've noticed the veiled referrences to homosexuality and white supremecy to huh?

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No I'm not all forgiving

I'm not an angel

I'm not anything you want me to be

but you want to be.......

I'm never going to change

I'm not simple or complicated

I'm just what I've made myself

and I'm going to be that

no matter what you do



I need a cigarette.

Sometimes I just want to strangle people who let their ignorance show



I've been rating profiles.

Distance... that captures moments frozen by time and space..click of shutters...flashes of bulbs....your vision and mine a shared desire of the obvious... I can't reach you except when using a lens....eyes of blue and silver? heart of gold? who you are. Of who we used to be

Memories and mementos of times passed....I see you in snapshots of life and in the grass of paths we walked..

June....parks and casinos.....



Summer belongs to us