The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

22:14 Apr 22 2010
Times Read: 648

The Sex Wax is mocking me.

I don't dare try chewing it for fear of it's age.

This stuff is AT LEAST 8 years old, probably older...

Does Sex Wax expire?

I'm curious about the chewing thing, but I think it's probably best done with fresh Wax..



At least for your first time. (HA!) I'ma Sex Wax chewing virgin.



Anyway, I'll try some the next time I go to the West coast.. a friend or two should have some fresher than this... and perhaps I'll find this sad lonely Sex Wax's owner in the process



If not, maybe I'll find some random surfer on Ocean Beach and ask if I can have a chew from his or her hunk of Sex Wax.



That should be a conversation starter if nothing else.

19:49 Apr 22 2010
Times Read: 654

Junk.

It accumulates all around me.

In an effort to relieve my immediate space, I've been going through junk that's been with me since California.



Do I really need a half used block of Mr. Zog's Sex Wax?

I mean, really?

I'm land locked here... there's not a surf board in sight.

Not that I've done any surfing despite my father's claim: "If you can walk you can surf!"

Yeah, right dad, I can barely walk..

I'm not up to getting drilled, thanks.



So now I'm thinking... where did this Sex Wax come from? How did it end up in a tin container at the bottom of a box of my random crap?



WHO'S SEX WAX IS THIS?!



I have no idea.



So, I start thinking that somewhere in California someone I know is missing their Sex Wax and for eight years they've been saying to themselves 'Where the hell did I put that Sex Wax?'



I guess I better hang on to it, just in case...



Besides I hear you can chew it.

17:42 Apr 22 2010
Times Read: 660

It's a sad, sad, sad situation when, upon hearing the words: "A celebrity impersonator is a known child molester." YOU immediately yell: "Michael Jackson! He impersonated Michael Jackson!"



You were right....



It's sad I tell you, sad!



Stop grinning at me.



I'm ashamed to know you :P~



I said stop grinning.

15:09 Apr 09 2010
Times Read: 686

I like the Orkin pest control commercials...

There's just something about overly large insects trying to convince people to let them in their homes...

They please me.

the ants with the sofa is my favorite.



On the other hand, I am annoyed by Axe commercials. They are stupid an not at all clever. Plus all their products smell horrible, as much as they'd like to convince you women will flock to your bed/home/hair



They remind me of GoDaddy's advertisements, which is why I changed over to birra's services...



Perhaps birra should branch out into the personal care market.

03:44 Apr 06 2010
Times Read: 700

I have a "live and let live" attitude with nearly every living thing on the planet.

But sometimes, it's a little TOO much. I take it a little too far...

Like not wanting to pull weeds or dismember small trees growing in beds. Like they'd be able to survive anyway right? If left to their own devices like they wouldn't, you know, wreck my foundation. Like they aren't an eye sore.



It's even getting bad with the insects.

Today I stumbled across no less then six wasps going to town building their papery homes in the nooks and crannies of my front porch. I watched them carefully, not getting too close, until they would abandon their work in search of more fibrous material to chew up and spit out..

Then I would swoop in and knock their gray honeycombed structures to dust.



I was proud of myself, until the home makers returned and buzzed around searching for their build sites that had suddenly gone the way of Old Yeller. In my imagination they nearly looked distraught.

So I would watch their frantic flights and resolved rebuilding and say 'Aww... I'm sorry darlings... 'twas the wind!'

and wait for them to turn their backs so I could smash their work to bits once more.



I don't want them dead.. I just want them to get the hint that my porch is not a good place to raise a family...

I mean really.. look how windy it gets there.





At least I'm not building roach motels minus the poison...

Yet.

20:52 Apr 05 2010
Times Read: 715

I would kill or die for a trip to Alaska



yet fools on Let's Make a Deal throw them away like candy wrappers



Well! I hope you don't get the big deal then :P

06:51 Apr 03 2010
Times Read: 728






It was evening, night was falling and I sat in a car outside an auto parts shop watching three men working on an old beat up pickup... they were trying to get the thing to start..

two of the men were youngish and had all the signs of working on the vehicle all day.

As I watched them, taking in the messy old pairs of jeans, the grease stained shirts and the blackish marks covering any skin that wasn't covered it occurred to me that I don't consider grease monkeys and the obvious signs of their profession and/or passion dirty.

It's an artist with their paint smeared smocks and skin...

I admire the dark cuticles and black knuckles.. the stained, torn clothing and the scars are badges of honor.



A long time ago I desired to be a mechanic, and learned a few things here and there, but I never did achieve true Grease Monkey status... I didn't earn my perma-gray nails or the right to the community jar of Fast Orange in the garage.



ah regrets.

06:04 Apr 03 2010
Times Read: 730

I don't give a crap about whales, so go and hug a tree.