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So I was talking to two of my dearest friends but Skype acted up and one hung up called back and I ended up with a call that didn't exist WTF

OKay so right now I am big in to LOTRO I have other gameing things but this is my big one right now

OKay I am not that great with coding and such and every page I have gone to to find out how to put a Graphic on my back gound is reading like stereo instructions and I am just not getting it please help me Some one???

had a crazy morning I am exhausted had to work late last night then woke up and worked more gah this schedule is so not working for me. Oh what do I do?? I am a Bookkeeper... yeah I know boring right but I am a real life super hero I stream line peoples books so the IRS doesn't take everything they own so there ya go..... being a superhero is hard work I would rather be fighting bad guys with super powers >.

lately I have been frustrated not only on one level but on several. sometimes I hate being me I wish I didn't know some of the things I know so I could be like everyone else and not question it. That however is not who I am or who I am meant to be so I go on knowing things and not being able to tell them cleanly every time I try it come out muddled as if that part of me gets filtered through a riddle maker I want to be clear as crystal maybe someday I will be or at least this is my dearest hope.

today has been one long day but I hope to get to bed early. what was odd was the dream that woke me this morning:

I dreampt I was skyping with the people I love the most which is impossible because my computer was off I would have given anything to go back to sleep to those who beckoned me back to sweet dreams but I had to work today. Sigh yes one long day.

so lately I have been working at night like midnight my time to 3 or 4 am my time and I am still not getting enough sleep >.<

my job a bookkeeper I know how drab hua??? why so late well I have to work on a clients computer while they aren't there. SSSSSsssooooo things are exhasting I am trying to be on here more so bare with me as I find that happy schedule that will work for everyone.

So things last week were not so busy but now I am constantly busy I want there to be a balance I am not fond of the roller coaster. I am working on a few huge things both in personal and professional situations it will be interesting to see how it all turns out.

today is a very quiet day and I don't like it. too much silence it didn't start out that way but now I am alone and it is so quiet I am left to my own thoughts.... where is everyone????

So here is something I don't do very often on purpose. a dear friend of mine wants me to read his girlfriend and figure out if she has any major ties in her souls past and I think at somepoint he is hoping we can cure her nightmares it's a tall order but I think I must do this one after all you don't turn down a son of death things go really wrong when you do.

I struck a deal today because as I faced the truth of me I couldn't see how I could be what everyone wanted me to be.

the deal struck is I go with the flow no matter where it takes me or if it may end up being the wrong way in the end.

I was to trust myself to those I love,

I was to trust those I love with more of me because hiding who I am wasn't gonna solve anything.

I went about it all wrong though and I created a mess so typical me and all I wanted was to maybe be a little happy for those I love to be happy.

So now a mess and I feel like curling up and hiding.

life give me lemons and I make apple juice so typical me.

so I have recently become addicted to that movie but not for the plot mostly for the music. I love the forbidden I love the smoothe and sultry don't get me wrong Musiclly I am quite Eclectic but sometimes there are things you just have to take note of .....

so this week has been one roller coaster ride I could have done without but it seems I won't be getting off just yet.....

it all started when my dad calls says he has to liquidate some accounts and that he plans to split it among me my sister my daughter and my two nieces. hold on I need to put a little back ground into this.... when I was seventeen my parents split and I stayed with dad while my sister went with my mom there was a deal that mom pays for all my sister's undergrad studies while dad pays for mine I wasn't told this till a few months ago I have about eleven thousand in school loans while my sister has none because my mom paid hers.... back to the present so the account being split 5 ways with 40 thousand in it which means I am still not gonna have those stupid loans paid off I go and spend time with him I make effort while the daughter who gripes about how much he doesn't give her and how he doesn't make an effort gets money and money will be put in accounts for her daughter and step daughter... yeah thats right a child who isn't blood is also getting a piece of this pie granted my daughter is also getting some so what can one do..... and if that isn't the top right now I live with my mom and my step dad not by choice I just got stuck here. they hear I am comming into money and they suddenly put a time constraint on me I have to be out of their house in two years so I have to overcome depression that has nearly killed me an Anxioty problem that literally short circuts me if I am too stressed ( I pass out cold) I have to get a full time job and find my own place .... someone just kill me now :::sigh:::