Sacrebleu12:36 Jul 31 2019
Times Read: 719
Sacrebleu indeed, I have been having a serious moral crisis lately and an apparent loss of identity. I used to know who I was and even though who I am was not really my choice initially, I embraced what others thought of me and went with it.
They wanted a villain, so I gave them one. They saw evil, so I showed it to them. However this was never who I was initially.
I may have fallen due to my own actions a long time ago but I never embraced darkness at the start, my view and morality was always more orange and blue than black and white. Not something humanity could understand, but it is easier to blame bad things on others than themselves isn't it? No one wants to see their own failings, the badness in the world has to be the work of something else, not themselves.
So why not? I used my natural talents to prove how rotten humanity was, a whisper in a ear here and there, a few temptations and their so called moral superiority went right out of the window and they showed who they really are.
I so enjoyed tearing down the species that thought themselves above it all and I proved that they are fallible, corrupt and unworthy of being placed ahead of others. Yet almighty nature or whatever name you want for it, allowed humanity to continue. Despite the constant destruction and environmental threat, no consequence.
This is when I started working on my goals to do something about it but years of seeing things get progressively worse and taking today's era of the over-the-top social idiocy into account, I don't think there is anything worth saving nor at this point do I believe the world can be saved either.
But I digress, my point I was apparently rambling about is I fear that I have lost my way, I don't know if I have reverted to who I was before or have become something altogether different, its been so long that I can barely remember but I no longer feel like doing anything about humanity or anything really, I think nature should continue its course with no outside influence.
This started a few months back when I sent a man flying across a street for daring to nick some whiskey, I should have finished him but I didn't want to nor did I really feel any true enjoyment of it, I got nostalgic and it reminded me a little of what I used to enjoy but that day it showed me how meaningless it was. I think I made an entry about that.
Then more recently I saved a woman from getting raped by three men. Now I have done things that can be construed as "good" before but usually I have my own reasons for doing them. Not this time though, I saved that woman when there was absolutely nothing in it for me, altruism I guess you would call it and it has played on my mind for awhile now. Really bothering me.
Now here is where things really showed me how much things changed.
A few nights ago I decided to go on a bender with one of my droogs again, things got out of hand and someone stupidly tried to fight me, he attemped to choke me from behind only to lose a chunk of his arm in the process.
A little tip for idiots who want to fight me, do not put your flesh anywhere near my teeth because you will lose a few pounds of flesh.
Anyway, after dealing with that idiot, I again felt absolutely no pleasure, in fact I found it distasteful and utterly boring, worse is that I don't even feel like going on benders anymore or even drinking.
I just don't know what is going on anymore. I have lost my taste for violence, for alcohol and I no longer care about what humanity does with the world. Its not my problem anymore. I don't think I will ever like humanity but I am getting exhausted of hating them and how they will endure no matter what. That seems to be the grand plan and who am I to get in the way of that?
I don't know what I will do with my droogs (RL ones) as I recruited them for a reason. As of now we are without purpose. A relic and symbol of a hatred that has long been without resolution and has now died.
Same goes for here too, the crown of "VR bad guy" can go to someone else now, I have no interest in it and my purpose here is now irrelevent since I came here to observe and potentially recruit.
COMMENTS
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Dakotah
16:39 Jul 31 2019
MordrakusxMortalitas
23:16 Aug 01 2019
Some dreams change, some become obsolete. I think I might take up dudeism, need to look into that religion more though.