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You're so pretty. You're hot. Wow. You're beautiful. I love your eyes. Your dimples are adorable. You really look hot in glasses. These are all things I've heard before.



While you'd be more likely to get my attention by commenting on my writing style or my profile, I smile my best innocent, little girl smile and say thank you. I am appreciative, and compliments really do make me blush.



I will continue smiling that smile, even as I lose my mind and slit the throat of the next person who calls me "cute". Fucking puppies are cute. Baby chicks are cute. Little girls are cute. I'm a full-grown woman, damn it.

I really appreciate all of you who encourage me to continue writing, especially you, Angelus.



I think the main reason that I don't write more is for the sheer fact that I don't feel that I've found MY style yet. I write in whatever style strikes me at the moment, or however the images/thoughts are constructed in my head at that particular time. If I had a better idea of who *I* am as a writer, then maybe, must maybe, I'd feel confident enough to write more/more often.

ALL THE PIECES OF ME



I haven't had a lot to do lately, so I've had a lot of time to think, to really do some pondering on who I am.



Naturally, most people can't say that they're any ONE thing. We're all a combination of everything that influences us, from family and friends, to our surrouding environment, to the basic state of the world and the things going on within it. What *I* can say, wholeheartedly, is that if I'm any one thing, it's full of contradictions.



What the hell does that mean? It's simple. I really do have sides to myself which really seem contradictory to one another. Let me explain.



Like I've told some of the people here on the Rave, yes, I am in complete and total awe of all things considered dark by mainstream society. I love the deviant side of life. However, if you didn't know me on the street, you wouldn't have any idea of that. I'm a regular girl (ok, on non-club nights lol). My outside and inside are at complete odds with one another.



Like I said, I heart all things dark/macabre/related to death, yet I love to see puppies playing as well as many other things that serve as reminders that I'm surrounded by life, regardless of the darker things that predominantly plague my mind.



There's enough little girl left in me that I still love the color pink and smile at the sight of cute stuffed animals.



I'm made into putty every time I see a man holding a newborn baby.



(more to come)

Somewhere along the path, I became what I am today.

When it happened or how, I have no idea.

Perhaps, one day, I simply opened my eyes.

Maybe I just stopped caring what others thought.

Or, what if, through maturity, I simply recognized in myself what I'd seen in others?

What was that?

It was the ability to accept all the differences, the ability to understand that in our differences and within our flaws, lay real beauty.

Yes.

I realized that life is an opportunity, most enhanced by the things we do and the chances we take to experience new and varied things.

All we have to do is take those chances.

We are all better off for having been exposed to all this life has to offer and especially to the variety of people that color our very existence.