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22:52 Apr 28 2016
Times Read: 1,398


Arcane Argus



A Journey Through Tears and Memories



by MooniePie



Before I get into my tale I want to give a word of caution, for lack of a better term. This isn't the humorous writings of me. This is a serious and dark preface. I am not writing this for attention, pity, condolences or even understanding. I am writing it to cut open a piece of my mind and myself to share.



While some may not like me, or respect me, at least have some respect for this sliver of my soul. This is all true.



I want to believe.

I need to believe.

I have to believe.



It doesn't have to be in a God per se, but even just believing in a divine being brings me some kind of peace. A higher power that is filled with kindness, forgiveness and the ability for divine intervention. Even the thoughts of there being a spiritual world filled with entities, ghosts and spirits brings me comfort. It may frighten others or make some scoff with disdain, but for me it fills the three things I've listed above.



Why do I need these as I comfort you may ask? I won't go into gory details, but there are three major events that happened within 7 years of my life. Events that changed me as a person and the way I view the world.



I watched my mother die before my eyes. It was not a quick death. It was an extremely painful process. I remember my mom in her hospital bed screaming for Jesus to take her now as the septic shock spread through her system from a ruptured bowel line. I remember her being hooked up to numerous tubes, bags and machines, her body and mind being kept alive for about 4 days. I knew her soul was gone. I could feel the emptiness of it in the room. After my dad and I came home to quickly shower and get some kind of sleep, the phone rang that she opened her eyes. We raced back up to the hospital. As soon as we entered the room, a foreboding feeling seeped deep within my being.



My moms eyes were always beautiful. A brilliant green filled with life, love and a vitality that made time with her feel magical and fun. The eyes that looked at me when we entered that room were not those eyes. The eyes I seen were gray and lifeless- pits of a bottomless once was. As she tried to speak around the tube in her mouth, I'll never forget what she said 'I love you'. And then she was gone. Like the most beautiful candle snuffed out with nothing but pain and tears left in its wake.



Fast forward about two years later.



I got the call my father was in a fatal car crash. A drunk driver had hit him head on.



I sunk to the floor and screamed to no one, to someone, to anyone that could hear me. No, please. I can't lose another parent. I just can't.



As I rushed up to the hospital, I felt just so numb. I didn't know what to do. I could feel every bit of myself breaking.



Then they told me he was going to be fine. If he hadn't of been in an SUV he would have died. He was dealing with a shattered foot that took surgery to fix and some scraps and bruises. He wouldn't die. It would take time to heal, but he would still be here.



A few days of being in the hospital, I was tasked with going to take pictures of the car my dad was in along with the van the drunk was driving. I put on my brave face and said I'd do it. That I could handle it because it needed to be done and only I could go into the lot to do it. So, I took my disposable camera in and braced myself. Then my eyes landed on the totaled Yukon that my dad was driving. The front end was all the way to the steering wheel. I braced myself even harder to do what I had to do.



As I opened the door my mind reeled as I took in the scene. The brake pedal was bent from my dad applying so much pressure. This is what shattered his foot to the point of it only being held on by flap of skin. His bloodied shoe was still on the drivers side floor board. Blood coated the door and the seats that were bent from the impact. As I got out my camera the dread hit me. I climbed into the back seat of the car to get shots of the front and it started to hit me even harder. The fear of the accident. The screaming of my dad and the friend he was with. The possibility of death. I can still feel the sweat as it trickled down my back and dotted my forehead.



As I walked from the junk yard, I took one look back, stopped and thanked whatever power, whether it be God or any divine being, for the life of my father.



And now the final event.



I have a blood disorder called Factor V Leiden. It is a mutation that can increase my chance of developing abnormal blood clots. It is heredity from my father's side. Along with that I've inherited back issues from my mom's side of the family. So I'm always pulling a muscle in my back or having my back go out.



I had a horrible pain in my side. I thought I had pulled a muscle. So I just took it easy for a few days. It was getting harder to breathe and more intense in pain. As I laid in bed that night, this feeling of 'I am going to die' just settled over me. I knew if I didn't get to the ER within a few hours, that I would be dead.



After numerous tests and cat scans the results came back. I had a very large blood clot that somehow gotten lodged within the bronchus of my lungs. They don't know how it gotten wedged but it did. They told me it was heading to my brain. If it hadn't of lodged, I would have been dead by morning.



I didn't want to die. I am glad I didn't die.

I can't tell you why I knew that death would have been on the horizon for me if I hadn't of gone in when I did. But I know what I felt. Whether it was another form of divine intervention or me being in tune with my body, I just knew. And I am glad I listened.



While there are more than these three reasons as to why I believe in a higher power, these are the three most important ones. I need to believe in something. I need to know that the essence of an amazing and beautiful person is still somehow tied to a life. Even if its not a life we can explain, a life nonetheless. I want to believe that divine intervention has graced my life and made situations turn into a different direction so lives would be spared and lessons could still be learned along the way. I have to believe whether it be for purely selfish reasons or so that my mind won't shatter with grief.



I do not feel comfortable with organized religion, but I still find it fascinating to see the beliefs and practices of others. When I was younger, I was saved. I remember sitting in church and just the love, the power and the moment swept me up into doing something that I wasn't even sure I fully believed in. I just knew that I wanted to do it; and I did. I don't regret it. There was something in that moment that was beautiful. Even if I didn't fully believe in what they were preaching about, I fully believed in the people around me that were filled with their own personal power of belief so great that it may have been able to change anything.



While I am not a religious person, I am a spiritual one. Being spiritual is just one of the things in life that has brought me comfort when I thought that my life was going to be broken beyond repair. When you get down to the core of many religions, they have pretty much the same ideals. I find the ways different religions worship fascinating and beautiful. I admire those who have strength in their belief and belief in their strength.



I do not need a Church to worship in. I do not need one single God to believe in. I do not need one specific religion to follow.





As I said before:



I want to believe.

I need to believe.

I have to believe.



While the beliefs I hold are eclectic, I will still believe. It maybe my own way, but I will believe

02:47 Apr 27 2016
Times Read: 1,477

New Features, Laughs and Monkey Butts.

BY MooniePie



Over the years, Cancer has popped spiffy features onto VR. I think the ones that have caused the most controversy were 'What are they doing', 'Honor' and the 'Society System'. When the feature first rolled out it was constant complaining about the violation of rights, the abuse of honor and being forcefully inducted. But now when you look around there isn't a word to be heard on these features. They have just faded into the background like things tend to do.



Since quite a few of the older members have ventured off into different ways, new people are thrown right into the Society system. There isn't a before for them. So as soon as they sign up, they know about the system. There they begin the decent into being stalked like prey. I've found the feeling akin to the movie Silence of the Lambs. That part when Buffalo Bill stalks the girl and has her help him to put the chair into the van. Then BAM you're suddenly down in a creepy basement pit with some dude tucking his bits and wearing lipstick and people's skin. Yup, just like the Society System.



I never understood the fight about 'What are they doing'. It became this huge fight about rights and privacy. Since VR is a Cancer-tater-ship that point is null and void, but it was still a fight! People were throwing around words and getting more bent then they already were. And I'm sure the term 'if you're not for us, you're against us' was thrown around a few times. It wasn't like anyone was looking through your home trying to catch you watching some creepy internet lovemaking on freakfetishest and eating Cheetos out of your hair. Unless you're doing shitty things, then there wasn't really a point in getting pissy.



And then the honor. I'm sure many remember the arguments about the honor. It wasn't fair, blah blah, people shouldn't be able to do that, blah blah. Etc. Etc. There were a few valid points that people mad; trolls will use it to post mean thing and the other was people will abuse it. The funny thing, those who complained the loudest about it are the ones who do exactly what they were complaining about it.



People will complain about trivial things and people will use features the way they want to use them.



-slow clap for people who complain and then use it the exact way they were bitchin' about-



One of my favorite features that Cancer introduced was Webcams. Even though it isn't used much now, in the beginning it was damn fun. There have been a few times I've been traumatized when opening the cam page. The times when someone decides it's okay to share their trouser snake, or flip a nip out was few, but it happened. After seeing a few of those things, I have to say that some people are brave. They know the cam is public and yet.. BAM say hello to my little friend. And out comes the lil meat mallot just there it is not being impressive. Really, why?! WHY!?!



I digress...



Back on track, there were a few moments that happened in cams I will never forget.



Cancer and I got into a photoshop war in my webcam one evening. Moments of hilarity ensued when people were swapped with monkeys and Cancer was accused of monkey love. (Example) My webcam picture was being changed between pictures of mind curdling things like a donkey that was very happy in his donkey parts to Cancer slippin' the good 'ol banana to a fine and frisky female monkey.



And then the other time. I stole Cancer's avatar. He's very protective of that avatar. So being the smart ass that I am, I had to 'stick it to the man'. Just like with the webcams we kept changing my avatar. He'd change it, I'd change it back. This went on for a bit. Then he whipped out the big. That effer wrote a code specific to my profile so I couldn't change my avatar after I changed it. And then.. do you know what else that effer did? He took his ass to dinner and left the code on my profile for a damn day. He left me a profile that had an avatar that rotated between some scary dude with big teeth, a donkey chubby and a few other things. I have never laughed so hard and had so much fun.



Features on VR are just that- features. You use them the way you want to use them. If you want to have fun with them, you will. All of this is just another example of you making your own experiences.



Have fun and enjoy it. And when hilarity ensues, roll with it. It could just be one of the best times you've had on here.

02:46 Apr 27 2016
Times Read: 1,477

Just making this section a archive of my column for Arcane Argus. So I can keep track of what I've written.



Interview with Dakotah:



People in the News:



Vampire Rave has many Staff from the Hand of the Prince down to Acolyte. I had the pleasure and honor to interview none other than Moonie. Moonie is an Administrator here on Vampire Rave. I enjoyed Moonie’s sense of honor in her response to some of the question and also her experienced advice to Arcane and the Community outside. Enjoy!



What brought you to Vampire Rave? How did you locate the site?



Let's see... I located VR through stalking! Well, 'stalking' is too strong a word. So what had happen was, I moved home after a hot mess of a relationship. After getting engaged and moving to a new city, things just fell apart. So three months after moving into a place with a year lease, we just ended. The 8 months or so left of the lease was nightmare-ish. There were stories of cheating and other things. So I needed to know and I was doing some secret agent google shizzle to see what I could find for that whole closure crap thing. So I stumbled onto VR because of that right there. After looking around and spending time on here I decided I liked it and stayed.



What was your first week here like?



Mostly, what I can remember in that first week here is ALL the damn rating. Holy Jeebus. The profiles, the portfolios, the database. It was like NEVER ENDING. I remember reading the forums back then and thinking to myself 'Wow, these people have some really interesting things to say'. The first week was mostly about just learning the website and getting to know the small amount of people that were here.



What changes have you seen over the years you have been on the site?



Site wise, since being here since the beginning, I've saw the starting of Premium Memberships, The Society System, The Honor and all the other things Cancer's brought. But, the biggest change I've seen in the site over the times- the different types of people who join VR.



What do you love about VR?



I love the uniqueness of VR. I've never come across a website that has features like it. There is always something to do whether your someone that prefers to be more in the background and quiet, or someone that want to be right out front for everyone to see. There is something for everyone. Your experience is your experience. You make the choices on how you want your experience to be.



What do you dislike about VR?



I think the one thing that I dislike the most about VR is how I see some treat the ideas of others in the forum. The art of debate is lost. Disagreeing with someone has come down to doing nothing more than belittling another's beliefs and making a mockery of something they either do not understand or do not believe in. We are not all going to agree on ideas that people present, but being mean to someone because of their beliefs is uncalled for. For a good debate you have to be open minded to the ideas of others. You may not agree, but closing your mind fully just leads to nothing more than a boring bland argument. This goes for those who are believers or skeptics.

Standing strong in your own convictions can be admiring, but doing it in a way that belittles others, isn't.



What advice would you give to new members?



You choose your experience. No one can choose it for you. Make sure you use VR how YOU want to use it. If you want to use it as a place to interact with different people, go for it. If you want to use it as an outlet to be a troll, then that's your right. Just follow TOS and you'll be fine.



What has been your best experience here?



Along with all the people who have become a part of my life, I'm going to say the times when the webcams were really popular. It was so much fun to stumble into a cam that had so many people together just having a really great time. It didn't matter who you were or what group you gravitated to, when you were in a webcam that was fun, it was just FUN. You got to see a different side of the staff and a different side of the members. I miss those times.



What has been your worse?



I've had a couple of worst times here. Worst because of totally different reasons. The first worst, because of the way they hit me, was the passing of three people who were really just amazing to me- Punkie, KamarillaKaine/Talyn and sahahria. The death of three amazing people who were so young and vibrant just hits me in that spot that still makes me ask why to this day.

The second would have to be when I befriend a person who lied about everything. Who they were, their life, their hardships just about everything. They had led many different people on and lied more and more. I was naive and thought the person I was friends with was truthful. Then everything came to a head. I had found out they were lying about me as well. For a time people had thought I played a role in things because that's what she led them to believe. It took a friend, Punkie, to stand up for me to make people realize I was wronged just like others were.

It really sucked. While it did put some damage on certain friendships I had, it also helped me to grow and not be so naive about people. It was one of those times where it was a blessing and a curse.



How did you become staff?



Back in the day, I started off as a Dominar. If I remember correctly, someone who was on staff had recommended me for the position of Dominar. I was a Dominar for a few years until I got removed because of things I did out of anger and just being fed up with a person's actions. A bit of time later, after learning from my mistake and showing that I was more level headed, I became reinstated. I also became a Sentoran and Procurator on other profiles to help out and learn more about the different position of VR. Then, thanks to Cancer and ImagesinWords, I was promoted to the position of Regent.



What do you like the most about being staff?



Besides helping Cancer and staffin' with some pretty rockin' people, I'd have to save my favorite thing about being on staff would be the rare moments where someone genuinely appreciates the help you've given them. Being Administration is not easy. You learn the cold hard truth of some people. You can face hatefulness for enforcing TOS and just simply because you hold a title and some can't get away from the 'damn the man' mentality. But then there are the moments when someone asks for help and they say thank you and genuinely mean it. Or the random message of 'Hey, it can't be easy around here, but thanks for what you do'. Those are the moments that make me enjoy the time I volunteer for on here.



Explain what you do and what powers you have?



I have the powers of a Master Vampire, but I do not run a house. Instead I overseer of all Coven's. I am able to visit all the Societies and make sure that they are within the rules and regulations of TOS and the Coven guidelines- kinda like the swat team of VR. When the po-po can't enter, I bust down some doors an' flash grenade yo' behind. Like BOOM and then I'm just there… searching all up in your nooks and crannies, findin' your kilos and stash. I do wish X-ray vision came with the position though. That would be ah-mazing. I could be like a human x-ray machine. And then when I needed some spare cash, I could make bets about what color underwear people had on. Heck Yeah!



Share with us your thoughts on the founder of VR, Cancer.



When I first started VR, I was in wonderment when I saw the things he talked about and the site. Back then there were a few times I was like 'EFF THIS MOFO!', but that was before I cracked his lil' Princely skull and see the ooze that makes Cancer, Cancer. Cancer has a great mind for business and running one. He also has a great sense of humor and worldly intelligence. That sounds like I just called him an intelligent ho. Well, if the shoes fit. -shrugs- He's just one of those people that I'd like to just dive into his brain and see all the different things his oozy bits hold. He's fun, he's fair and it helps that he has those two dreads in the back of his head that I want to tug on and yell 'GIDDY UP!'.





Many come here looking for hook-ups, what advice would you offer them.



Oh dear sweet jeebus.. NO. JUST NO. Girls keep your legs crossed, and guys keep your dinkus away. Let's be honest here, have you SEEN the amount of BATSHIT CRAZY here? I mean, really? You'd probably be safer cruisin' Craigslist. And that's only after you've done a full back ground check, got a psych eval and made sure they weren't one of the people who happens to e-hump EVERYONE here. Just sign up for tinder. Or one of those monthly skin mags. Have some you time.. light some candles, put on some Barry White get yo'self a box of wine and TWO things from the dollar menu. That's right; nothing is too good for you on your special night! What's that old saying? Wine, dine and 69? Well… there you go! And if you achieve the last part, take pictures. No really, I'm curious to see. It will give me something to look at while playing circus music on repeat.



What warnings would you offer to new people?



I think my biggest warning would be to remember that anyone can be who they want online. Just because you talk with someone doesn't mean that you really know that person. Photos do not mean that is with whom you're speaking. Just like phone calls do not mean automatic truth. There have been too many people who've faked who they are for one reason or another. This includes also includes faking deaths. It is a very high chance that a person hasn't died, but just wants the attention. That happens quite a bit. Sickening, but it happens.

Do not ignore warning signs. Also, be mindful of those you give you trust to and surround yourself with. If you want to have a fun time, then you need to surround yourself with those types of people. If you want to have nothing but dramatic antics, then the people who are always involved in some drama or another, are the ones to gravitate to.



What is No-No's here on the site.



In my opinion I think the top No No's here on the site are IP trackers, page refreshers and giving out your passwords. Giving out your password being the biggest one. So many people do this without a second thought. Then when something happens to the profile they claim it to have been hacked or stolen.

Do not be afraid to message someone on staff if you have questions about what is okay and what isn't. Also, make sure you check the VR Manual and the Terms of Service. Ignorance isn't an excuse when the rules are right there.



VR seems to be losing a lot of the old people. Do you have any thoughts how we can revive it and make it more fun again?



A lot of covens are dead. Overall the journals aren't as much fun.

As with many things, I feel people just evolve, lose interest or go onto other stuff that fits their fancy. Another reason is because people just get sick of dealing with the same people who act like douches. We all know who they are, they are the same ones that either constantly leave and come back or are always in some form of drama. I think those are reasons as to why some of the older members have set their proverbial sails onto different waters.



I really wish I knew a way to revive the things that just don't seem that much fun anymore. But I really am at a loss. When new features get implemented it seems as though people would rather complain about them then enjoy them. The past few times when there has been something introduced to revive VR, it turned into nothing more than a bickering fest with people fighting and carrying on.



Perhaps everyone needs to do what they find fun in order to bring VR into place they enjoy more. Maybe it has nothing to do with VR as a whole, but how the person views their time here. Or maybe I just have no clue with what the hell I'm talking about and I need to go sit in the time out corner and have a juice box and think about what I just don't know. Lol



What advise can you give to Covens to make the experience for members to feel like they belong?



Stop taking being a Coven Master so dang seriously. I don't know how many messages I see of 'start posting or else' or even 'you must do this, this and this'. Just. Stop. If you want people to belong, then bring the enjoyment out in the Society. Talk about different topics, have fun things to do and get people involved in things. Some people take being a CM so seriously. Like it is a real power or something. It really isn't. You don't need to be in a society in order to enjoy Vampire Rave. A CM acting like a tool isn't going to do anything but make people get testy about the Coven they've been inducted into.

I guess it can be narrowed down to 1. Offer good topics. 2. Make things fun. 3. Don't be a tool.



This being a Vampire related site, do you believe in Vampires?



I do not believe in Vampires as an immortal being. I enjoy the folklore of them. I find it interesting to see how Hollywood and books have evolved them over the years. I do not believe anyone is born a vampire. I think those that claim to be, are people who've made a choice to live a lifestyle that they feel suites them. And if that lifestyle choice is safe and consensual then, you do you.



What do you believe in, share your spiritual side?



I tend to lean more towards the beliefs of an eclectic spiritualist. I choose to believe in what I feel is comfortable for me- which happens to be a blending of different religions. I believe in a God as a higher power. I believe in love, faith, good, evil and life. I do not believe wholly in the bible or organized religion. I don't feel that God would put a condition on his love like how some religions believe. To me that just doesn't make any sense. If you're a crappy person, yeah, God might be thinking “Well, look at that tool.” But that higher power isn't going to stop loving that person because of their crappyness. We have a free will for a reason; to learn to grow and to evolve.



Who is Moonie, share about yourself.



Honestly, I wish I knew who I was. I know people have different perceptions of who I am. Some think I am nice, other's think I am a horrid person. Some find me to be charming, others find me to be high and mighty acting. Really, I can be all those things that people see me as, but how I see myself can vary from day to day.



I am going to lay myself out for this question. Not because I want pity or pep talks, but because I feel that it is the right thing to do at this time. Perhaps 'baring it all' will do what it will, even if I am not sure of what that is yet.



Someday's I feel as though who I am is nothing more than a fat cripple who wastes life away. Whether I waste it out of fear or pain, I still waste it. I can feel as though I have become nothing more than a burden. That the medical problems that have brought me to this stage in my life have been bestowed upon me because I've made bad decisions in this life, or a past life, and this is what happens. In order to be punished for those bad things life felt it would correct it by causing me to have medical issues that cause me to struggle with weight all through my life and making me unable to have children. Then it decided I should watch the life drain from the eyes of the woman who gave life to me. And to make sure I was really paying attention, throw in the possibility of losing a father as well. And just when I thought I had atoned for sins of a past, life decided that those things weren't enough. And because of whatever reason, life decided to rip a finally starting normal life from me and turn me into a cripple. On bad days that's who I feel I am. Nothing more, and a whole lot less. Just a person holding onto nothing and not gaining anything. A person who's worst enemy is herself.



And then the good days.



Who I am on the good days is a strong woman who has faced a lot in her life in a sort amount of time. A woman who is kind, compassionate, aware of her faults and finds wonder in the smallest things. A woman who stands up for herself and gets angry at the injustice in the world. A friend. A daughter. A person who is willing to be the strength when others feel as though there is no strength left. A woman that fights a difficult life everyday because that's the only thing to do- fight and not give up. A woman who is just herself and really doesn't know who she is, but tries to figure out a bit more as time goes on.

That's who I think I am, but I feel as though I will never really fully know who I am.



What do you do for fun?



I love to read. That is the biggest thing I do for fun. I also like to play random computer games, The Sims 4 and my 3DS.



What was the last book you read?



Well, this last week or two I've read House of Comarre series by Kristen Painter, Deadly Circumstance by Terri Reid, The Dirt on Ninth Grave by Darynda Jones , A Ghoul's Guide to Love and Murder by Victoria Laurie and moving into the book Ashley Bell: A Novel by Dean Koontz. I admit I have an addiction to books. And I'm looking for a way to cure it. Just kidding. I'm really looking for the next series to start.



What music moves you the most?



While my top genres of music to list to has been heavy metal and rock, I have to say the ones that really, really move are the ones where you can just feel the essence of the music down to your core. It can be a very powerful and emotion filled song or a song that feels sexy and sensual like Bohren & der Club of Gore

- Destroying Angels. To me that song gives me the feelings of a Noir jazz room, filled with the hints of smoke and excellent whiskey, while couple lean together whispering their secrets of longing and desires.



When a song takes me someplace else or just strikes the cord In my being, that is when it moves me the most.



What is your favorite quote?



If God doesn't give us more than we can handle, then apparently, God must think I'm a real bad-ass.



Give some words of wisdom to the community.



You choose who you let into your life from here. You choose what experience you have. You choose who you surround yourself with. Whether you participate in the enjoyment of VR or the drama of VR. All these choices are yours to make. And all these choices will effect how people see you and the types of people who gravitate towards you and away from you.

In the grand scheme of things, VR is nothing more than a place to pass the time. It only effects your life if you let it.