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Haven't been on in a week. My stepfather died Sunday and we laid him to rest Thursday. My mom only has us now but she is so lost. This is the second husband she's had to let go like that. My father was the first and now him. I feel so bad for her because it feels like some one has ripped apart of you out when you love that deeply. She's strong and doesn't give up that easily. She will never marry again I don't think. She's getting old. I'm afraid now though that we may loose my older sister soon. She wont listen to any one and she's on the verge of cardiac arrest. I love her but what can I do if she wont listen but let her go.

Well I'm in the mood for a new look again. This time I'm changing my hair color to something I usually don't do. I am going a little more colorful. I have always stayed within the basic colors except the one time I got drunk and let a girl dye my hair. My ex called me big red for a while and I left it. At the time it was around the holidays any way and when someone ridicules me I don't change just to suit them. This time I have a lavender purple I am going to streak it with and go to a black instead of a dark brown. It will be interesting to see others reactions in class next week. I will post a new picture when It's done.

COMMENTS

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Valentine
00:11 Mar 13 2010

O.O I can't wait to see it...

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Well today was my last day of class for the week and you'd think I'd be in a really great mood, but I feel like I haven't slept in a year. I have no energy. I think I will take the time to meditate later and relax by the candle light.

I love my English instructor. She's always telling us not to censor ourselves in our writing. I love the looks I get when others have to proof read the papers I have written. She seems interested in my work and never gives negative feed back to me. I had her class today. I don't see what the big deal is over writing. Everyone gets themselves worked up and I sit back and just smile. I do however want to scream chill out and relax don't make it harder than it seems.

I am in a fun and facinating place right now. It's a world to me that I knew existed but didn't know how to find it. People around my area don't talk about these things. They think I am evil for even talking about the subject. So very few do I socalize with unless on campus. You would think that it was dead but it's full of life. I like watching everyone and how they act alone and with there friends. some will do the strangest things to get attention. My crowd just sits back with a sly smile while most of the time they damage themselves.