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I had two panic attacks today. I used to have them a lot when I was younger. However, I haven't had one since almost sixth grade.



I was just sitting there during third and it just hit me. It was small so I got over it.



Then, in Spanish I had one when she called on me. My heart felt like it was exploding and I started to cry, (something I don't do in front of people... ever!). She looked at me funny and wrote me a pass to the nurse... later she said she thought I didn't do my homework and I was faking it until she talked to the school shrink.



I never knew they had a file on me with notes from doctors and other teachers with their "concerns of my mental state."



Let me tell you... that made me feel all good inside........





.......NOT!!!



Eight more days and all will be well.... I just keep telling myself that!

How sad... I feel like my life keeps flashing before me. Wait no, I feel nothing for I am numb. However, I refuse to go in my room for I know the razors lurk about the place...



I tried to kill my pain

But only brought more

(So much more)

I lay dying

And I'm pouring crimson regret and betrayal

I'm dying, praying, bleeding and screaming

Am I too lost to be saved?

Am I too lost?



My God, my tourniquet

Return To Me Salvation

My God, my tourniquet

Return To Me Salvation



Do you remember me?

Lost for so long

Will you be on the other side?

or will you forget me?

I'm dying, praying, bleeding, and screaming

Am I too lost to be saved?

Am I too lost?



My God, my tourniquet

Return To Me Salvation

My God, my tourniquet

Return To Me Salvation



Return to me salvation



I want to die!



My God, my tourniquet

Return To Me Salvation

My God, my tourniquet

Return To Me Salvation



My wounds cry for the grave

My soul cries for deliverance

Will I be denied Christ?

Tourniquet

My suicide

I have had this problem for almost five years now.



I admit it for the first time today.



I self injure. I want to stop. I don't do it because I want to rebel...



I do it to feel.



Never thought I would cry over something like this.



When you stop and open your eyes to your problem it changes everything...

Once upon a time there was a happy family that never yelled at eachother. They loved life and did almost everything together.



Then, one day they moved to a nice big house and a very well to do neighborhood. The eldest child felt out of place, like she was living a lie. Soon the whole family changed... little by little.



The eldest child fell into a dark hole. The hole had dark secrets and lies. In this hole the eldest child found razors for cutting. She could finally feel again. Later the hole gave her drugs to try. They were all fun and games at first until the child next in line fell fown the hole too. Her older sister warned her and tried to get her out but, it didn't work.



Slowly, the eldest climbed out. All that is left in her hand is the razor which she just can't give up. One day the parents noticed the middle child in the dark hole and they pointed fingers and denied everything. The middle child became scared and told them the eldest had been in the hole first but, the parents would not believe.



They made the middle child go to a shrink, forced her to eat, never let her out of the house, and checked her body twice a day for new scars.



The eldest is still out of place and cries every night. She wants to get help but can't. Not with the way the treat her sister...



The middle child is better again. The home feels broken still. The parents scream, the children seem like they don't care.



Sometimes the eldest feels like everything is over until she hears the razor call her name...



She never disobeys the razor...