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My mum, my sisters, Lori, and her children are all gone! They left for FL Saturday and got there some time Sunday.



I guess my sister Debbie got into it with Casie, (the child I hate more than anything), and my mum actually pulled into the emergancy lane and took Deb out of the car.



She pretended to yell at her because Casie wanted her to be punished! The punishment?



Debbie and Casie can no longer share my sisters room at the house in FL. Instead Casie has to sleep on the couch with her own sister and brother... HAHAHAHAHA



Casie is pissed. My two sisters are 100% happy. They have shared that room with each other every single time we have been down there since they were children.



I talked to Danielle last night and she said no of them will last three weeks.



My mum and my sisters have done EVERYTHING there is to do in Orlando. They just want to chill by the pool and shop at Downtown Disney.



The Saunders want to go everywhere... they're already upset that my mum told 'em we are only doing two parks and two educational things.



Okay, so call my family a bunch of dorks but, we ALL love the educational stuff! We'd rather go to NASA and the huge Science Center in Orlando then go to Disney World...



Okay, that's all of my ranting.



I have to get going in a few. Now that mum is gone I have to take care of here share of the business. YIKES!!!

Maybe I am a nut case like they tell me all the time. Who knows? I feel like I have to explain the three part Entry "...Singing this will be the day that I die..."



I wrote it in my Livejournal through out the day today. Since my livejournal is 100% private I don't get opinions on any thing. I haven't had to see a shrink in months so I get no advice from there like I used to. I hardly share what I am thinking but, I felt I had to share this. I needed to vent. I HAD TO! I was going to explode.



A whole year of stuff building up and then yesturday just kind of made me go crazy.



I cried... I complained... I acted like a child... all in my entries.



I hate it. I sound like an imature snob that complains all the time! I'm not.



I don't know what I am right now.



I am lost.



I am scared.



I want my mum to understand.



I want da to hold me on his lap like when I was little.



I want someone to kiss away the pain.

So, we got home and my mom had to go to her shrink at 7pm and Lori had to go to hers at the same time as well.



Mum promised me that she'd drop Danielle and myself off at Barnes and Nobles. Some of my magazines were due out and I had over $100 to spend in gift cards.



I mentioned it in the car and only Faith heard me and she asked if she could go and I said she could because I know she hates beening left home with Casie and Bryce.



We JUST pulled into Lori's driveway, (four more houses up the street and on the right is us), and mum mentioned to her that she was dropping Danielle and I off and Faith asked if she could go. Lori said it was up to me and I said yes.



Casie, listening in on the conversation LIKE ALWAYS said she was going as well. Then, Bryce wanted to go also because he hates being by himself. Debbie, upset that Casie had gone back on her promise to watch a movie with her asked me if she could come as well. I felt bad for Debbie but NOT for Bryce and Casie. I DID NOT WANT THEM TO COME! I even told Lori this! "Please Lori, jsut Danielle, Faith, and myself." She said okay.



Casie had a hissy break down and was SCREAMING in the van "OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD! THIS ALWAYS HAPPENS TO ME! DOESN'T IT DEBBIE!?!?! I CAN NEVER DO ANYTHING I WANT!!!!!"



She got out sat on her drive way and CRIED like a two year old. Wait now, my two year old cousin behaves better than this!



So, we left them all there and drove up to my house. Danielle and I had ten minutes to wash our faces, brush our teeth and do what ever else we needed to get done. Ten minutes later we left and to my my surprise ALL THREE of Lori's kids got in the car.



My mom just looked at me and knew I was SO PISSED. I just couldn't handle it so I turned around and scremed, "Listen to me! I'm only saying this once. You behave like adult humans! Understand? No fighting, no screaming, no complaining, no following me around if I tell you to go away! Got it? We are going to be there for almost two hours. After I buy my books I will be in the cafe drinking Starbucks! Understood?"



They were silent but, they didn't understand. Bryce and Casie got in a fight and were screaming in the store, they ran around, and asked me to call my mum to take them home after twenty minutes! HELLO SHE IS AT HER DOCTOR'S! UNLIKE YOUR MOTHER SHE WON'T DROP EVERYTHING SHE IS DOING BECAUSE YOU WANT HER TO!



Needless to say, I DID NOT CLAIM them to be mine. Faith was a doll and was so interested in what I was telling her. She would ask me what books were about and why I read so much. She asked my to explain New Age and why her mother didn't like it. I had to giggle. She is so different from her brother and sister. She is so calm and loving. She is one of those people that stay silent. She is very bright but, because she doesn't say much no one thinks she is. She's not dumb. She asked me why her mom was still seeing her abusive boyfriend and why Casie was so mean. I explained as best I could. I bought her some books and some Tazo Tea from Starbucks.



Finally, my mum came and got us and I told her never again would I take all the kids unless I said they could come. She understood me.



I want to tell her everything I just wrote but, I can't. She'll just tell me it's because their dad died. In my heart I know she doesn't believe it either...

What horrible children! I hate babysitting them...



Anyways, I have no clue where I was. All I know is about a year of events that have pissed me off are stuck inside my head!



Back to yesturday, My mum, my 2 sisters, myself, Lori, her 3 kids, and Bryce's 2 friends all got into our van (which seats 7 not 10)! We drove to the mall, (which was HORRIBLE! Alright so I was a kid myself at one time BUT I had manners and when I acted out I was punished! Something parents now a days don't know anything about. Casie complained and yelled and faught with her mom the whole time... that's normal.) and when we got there mum handed each of us money. Danielle, Debbie, and myslef took my cell phone and started to walk off and go our own way. However, Casie and Faith caught up and NEVER left. Faith I don't mind. She's cute and silent... she looks up to me and never leaves my side when we are together so I figured she'd come with my group anyways. *smiles* Her nickmane is Leachie Peachie...



Well, I am almost 18. Danielle is 14, Deb almost 13, Casie 11, and Faith 9. Danielle and Debbie respect me and I respect them. When they get out of line I can easily put them back into their places. I don't threaten or cause fear I just treat them how they are acting. They act like adults I treat them like one. They throw a little girl fit and I treat them like a child. It seems to work all the time. They aren't much of a problem any more anyways. They know my expectations of them when we are in public and trying to get stuff done in a set amount of time.



Call me crazy or even OC... I do have OCD. However, I found the nearest bunch sat my sisters down plus my two tag alongs and asked my sisters what they needed and or wanted, (they are leaving for FL Saturday so I wanted to make sure they had clothing and the such while they were away). I told them what I needed and wanted. Asked them what stores they wanted to go to, told them the stores I wanted to go to, and then checked my watch. We had two hours to visit about six stores and buy shorts, tops, posters, Cd's, books, make up, and whatever else our $100 would buy us. I logically figured out where the stores were and set a course of visiting them.



Casie however didn't like all this planning and was already complaining. I really didn't give a rats ass about her. Instead I went to Hot Topic and picked up what I needed and wanted and then helped Danielle, Debbie, and Faith find stuff on sale in their size. We spent excatly 20 minutes in the store, (a record I think) nd moved on to D.E.B. Here we spent an about an hour. This was all fine by me since the girls said they didn't have to go to as many stores since they found all their tops and shorts and the such that they need for clothing. Faith found a cute outfit and I bought it for her because it was a bit expensive and I have over $50 left.



OOPS! Danielle and Debbie ran out of money so we tracked our mum down showed her what we got for the $100, which was a good amount. Both my sisters got about 10 tops and bottoms. They asked for more money and my mum gave each of the another $100. This pissed Casie off because her mother refused to give her any more. She said she couldn't afford it because she had paid her part of the trip my family is taking her family on. Casie had a little girl fit and cried about how they aren't poor. WAKE UP CASIE! Your mother has a TON of bills to pay and she works in education. She brings in less than $40,000 a year. You live in a house she can't afford any more! For fucking sakes MY MUM has paid the last six house payments for you guys out of her own pocket, (since my da would never have allowed it). Maybe if you and your family didn't spend money EVERY DAY ON STUFF YOU DO NOT NEED she would have give you more than $20 at the mall. STOP BEING A FUCKING SELFISH BITCH AND SUCK IT UP! DO NOT ACT LIKE A BABY IF YOU WANT ME TO TREAT YOU LIKE AN ADULT! Got it?



I feel better now that I got that off my chest! *smiles* I should vent more often... infact, I'm asking my mum to take me to a shrink I think.



Anyways, so I was a bit pissed the rest of the trip at the mall. We had less than 20 minutes to hit hit two stores, (thanks to Casie's hissy fit that took up valuable time). I gave Danielle and Debbie my cell phone and told them I'd meet them in 15 my the merry go round thing. They took Casie and got their make up and what ever else they needed and I wne tot Bath and Body Works! I was SO excited since it was their Semi Sale thing and I got anti-bacterial hand stuff! Three bottles for $10! YAY! lol



Then, I met back up with everyone and we all got in the van. We stopped at McDonald's because CASIE wanted their nuggets... I hate that place.



So, I got sick from the food and we finally went home.

Okay, I am so sick. I am pissed off. I hurt all over and I want to cry again. Baby? I think not! It's called Danamarieistiredofallthisfuckingshitandallshewantsishermommyback! Did you get all that?



It all started yesturday...



I woke up and mum told my sisters and I that she was taking us to the Eastwood Mall to do some shopping. Now, I hate shopping but, since she PROMISED it would be just the four of us I was pretty cool with it. We were each going to get $100 plus whatever money we brought that was our own. Pretty damn fair to me.



Well, I didn't want to spend any of my own money since I am saving up for a pet rat and all the supplies and medical costs for one.



Mum said we would go some time after her doctor's appointment which was at noon. Doing some quick math in my head I realized we'd be at the mall at about 2:30 pm, (Let me tell you this now... we arrived at the mall at 2:37pm, pretty good huh?).



Everything seemed to be going well. Until mum came home and said the Saunders were coming. Now, I love this family to death but, they are the enemy! The steal my mother, drain her of her mental health, use her as a non stop taxi driver, and just bitch at her... well, at least two of the three kids do that.



I'll have to do this later... I have to throw up... again!



Okay, I am back... now where was I?



Oh yes, I remember now.



Casie is a horrible little girl who is 11 years old. She has total control of her mother and has how can I put this? Instaled a fear into her little twin siblings. The answer to her problems everyone tells me? Her father died... BULLSHIT! Her father died two years ago! She WAS in counseling BUT because a little 11 year old DIDN'T want to go MOMMY pulled HER OUT! Want to know WHY she didn't want to keep going? The counselor wasn't ON HER SIDE! She thought Casie needed treatment and the such.



Casie and I are ALWAYS at it with each other. I respond in a sly adult mature way and she responds in screaming, crying, fighting, name calling, and throwing her little girl fits. And she tells me she ISN'T a baby! Ha!! Double Ha!



Okay, so why am I going on about this here? Why do you care to read this? And why am I SOOOO worked about about this? I'll tell you why.



When I talk to my da, (yes, Da not dad), he tells my mom who in turns gets pissed at me for not coming to her. When I talk to mum she gets pissed because I'm "picking on her best friend and her kids." None of my friends really get it when I try to explain and they think I just complain. I hate when I sound like I am complaining so I don't often. Why am I worked about about this? Because for over a YEAR I have kept this all inside andI am going to explode...



More later... I have to babysit the very devils I speak of!

I'll be 18 in one week and two days but, I still hate the sound of firewroks. They freak me out! I like storms but not firewroks... go figure!