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Lost track but not dead.



lost track of time

forgot how much

I spent here in this

very white morning

or is it afternoon or

soon night?

lost track of time

it's cold because

my hands looks raw

raw red like frozen meat.

but funny I am not feeling it.

maybe cause I am just numb?

or is it that I died and

I do not know?

did I got stuck in

this world or no world

wants me yet?

perhaps it could be I am

frozen inside?

I am on a tombstone

of someone who I cared

so deeply yet I can't

seem to remember when

I lost this person.

can't remember the face

can't remember the voice

can't remember touch

can't remember the scent.

why am I here.

yet it feels so peaceful

yet it feels so quiet.

but not so deeply quiet.

I can sense someone else

in this huge cemetery

I can sense someone dark

but not evil but lonely

still grieving.

still haven't moved on

full of guilt and cold

cold and numbness.

There is a beautiful man standing infront of a tombstone.

He was accused of murder

murdering wife and child

when nobody truly knows what

went truly on that night

the two beautiful creatures died.

He took it all in.

He never said anything to deny

but neither much accepted.

In court and wherever he goes

he us stoic, cold and business.

In bed he is fearful

power of wealth and rumours

and deepest secrets run with the blood.

He looks too lonely

he looks too sorrow

he looks too much guilty

to be accused of cold blooded murder.

He looks that trying to grieve

but not much moving on after years

it happened.

He is here in this time.

He is here everytime I come here

he is here with two roses.

One for the child and one for the mother.

He do not speak with voice

but maybe he speaks with his heart. He seems to exist

but no much living.

We both lost track

we both lost time

we both lost ourselves.

yet we connect so well.

We are darkness

one day we might see the light

when time comes we will walk

hand in hand or simply meet

at the end of the line.

let's just embrace this white

white cold chilling blood and bones

time in peace and hopefully one day

we will move on.

Something for you to read.

comment all you like.



Bleed and Cut



sitting in a corner

in a very dark room

a child is crying

silent tears for hours

bleeding tears for hours.

no one sees this child's pain.

bleed and cut

bleed and cut

tears and blood

darkness killing

coldness breaking

naked body in the room

if the child sitting in

his bedroom corner.

bleeding inside

bleeding outside

mentally wrecked

mentally broken

so broken is not fixable.

so broken nothing can save

thus child from suicide

so broken nothing can save

him not even with love and care.

His body is used

his body is thrashed

his body is tainted.

There is no light in his smile

there is no light in his eyes

there is not even a voice.

There is not even a life.

It's only a matter of time

till he snap and becomes

the reaper. till he snap

and let the reaper take his soul.

will he lose his soul?

will he lose his mind?

will his body be so thrashed?

will his heart be withered?

or blackened with loath?

when it's time he gets tied

and binded and washed.

In a dark small room

with no windows and soundproof room.

somewhere in a bunker.

He gets tied and a video

camera is in front of him

and behind him.

And beside him.

men goes in.

They make him kneel

they force things on him

then from behind.

then women comes and things are only slightly different.

They cut him,

they bruise him

they whip him.

They break him.

But while they are doing this

he makes a vow to himself.

If he ever comes out alive.

true bloody, very bloody

carnage retaliation will

be done. on them all.

is one dies it will be their

family or friends to get it.

and the purge will be done.

bleed and cut

bleed and cut

till the day

where tears are dried

till the day it will be there

blood and not his.

because the true reaper

will come out.

Welcome to the Underworld

many describe is as dirty

many describe as immoral

many describe it as foul soul world.

many say it should be purged.

but not everyone agrees.

There are those

lost in search

of work with fast cash.

There are those who want to. escape reality into a nice bed with a woman or a man

with no name and memory.

just the money and sweaty

bodies smelling of last and

desire or to be desired and

comforted to speak.

mornings and groaning

yelling and screaming

money and drugs.

just mind-numbing,

bodies and blood.

many got sex different

types of fetishism.

foot fetishism

massage eroticism

bdsm fetishism

very young people fetishism.

Asian, ebony,

white, Hispanic,

Russian, and

other countries.

pregnant fetishism,

big people

orgies, threesomes, bisexuality and gays.

All of them got

the right to be there.

They are there

for a reason. to be

lost away from

harsh cruel world

and pay thousands.

and others to earn a living.

others to buy drugs

and other in selling it.

Once you are in its nearly

impossible to get out.

either it's addiction

or you are debited for life.

either you are on a therapy

or you are in jail or dead.

either you made it alive out

leaving the country

with new name and age

or you are beaten beyond

recognition or dead.

either you will be rich

or poor and pure

slave of drugs or sex or both.

The underworld life is not different from upperworld life.

One is monotonous still

risky but no much addiction.

We call it the righteous

moralistic world.

And the underworld the immoralistic yet exciting

dangerous addicted world.

none of them is perfect.

none of them got no risks.

none of them will

save you from

insanity forever.

but when you live in the underworld or got caught up

in it whether by accident or fate, you will learn how to

live and be strong.

immune to traumas that can obliterate any moral souls

with pure minds into million

pieces of delicate shards.

you will learn to see the world

clear just different perspective.

I seen both worlds

I lived and breathed in both worlds.

I got no shame.

being an escort helped

to live on my own.

being an escort made me

help men in their private

lives and their sexuality

being an escort taught me

never judge others for what

they do in their lives.

It got me stronger.

made me realize different things.

I was smart.

I never gave my birth name

and my birth date.

I hade different identification documents.

and went away free and

alive also helping those

who were in the hand of different cruel pimps.

I got my hands very bloody

to get them out and I felt

no remorse.

death was common there.

It's the underworld.

Welcome to the underworld.

Welcome to the immoral

sex and drug and alcohol

addicted world.

are you ready to be sucked deeply into the black

wonderful fucked up

twisted world for good?

wherever you choose to be

you always have to pay a prize.

how much are you willing

to pay? Your mind? soul? heart?

or your body? or all of you?

Welcome to the underworld.