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01:20 Jul 19 2013
Times Read: 507




In my life I never see it coming how its going to become. But somehow I feel......how to say......thankful? yes maybe that is the word.

I had gone through from one shit to another and i always thought Karma is being

very bitchy at me. why? does it hate me that much? Karma does not hate.



I want to see it as a testing me. Karma has funny ways to test us. to punish us if we did cruel shit to others. I had been treated like true shit at the primary school because I was different, and whole 6 years I was crying that I never wanted to live. Mother was nice those times. She was there at times when I used to be beaten up, just not always. When I needed her most though, she always say "go to your dad, cause I am busy or tired. " But I never realized, mum was not stable and still is. OK its not an excuse to treat a child of yours like that, but oh well...

But if i failed her in making her a coffee by time of 5pm or 8 pm she sure would go bersek and hell will go loose. My bum would be sore red. But she is my mum I used to say. whatever she says, she is right and i did wrong.



Today I say she is not well. She is sick. Have pity on her. After all it thanks to her that I am living. My dad tried to be a good father, by working his ass very hard at work to achieve what he wanted and give the family the good accommodations in life. Not to let us living poorly. He tried to help me in school stuff but in his way which was not always good. Beatings were not a good help but it was the way he could know of. There are many ways in to help a child in studying, but then depends what kind of ways the parents know of. But he did provide me some good teacher for private lessons and I did well more there than at school.

I admit, I am a dyslectic and very slow in getting things. Sometimes i stare at the board or paper or book, and I can't even mentalize what is in there as a meaning.

I can read what its written but i can't work it out at all. My brain work 3 years backwards of my own age. But I say today, its OK. After all I am not perfect like everyone. But those times I hated my own life, parents and guts for what I had gone through. Such a shameful thing to do to hate your own parents and yourself huh? But I could not help it. I also accused god. But does god really exist? does heaven and hell really exist? NO



Heaven and hell is on this earth and we can create both by our own choices. If we hate and become ungrateful at things in life and at people then its going to be hell. If we are grateful to people and things and start to love and forgive than its heaven.

Dad tried his best with me in the wrong ways in life but now he is doing his best to come at me in good ways and proper too. He is even supporting my choices and ask me about them to know better. If I can't respond, I try my best to find an answer for him.

My mum is still not doing progress at all, but she tries to call me every day when she remembers, still not nice dialogue is going to come out. But I am feeling sorry that I had been a burden for her choices. She wanted to leave dad, as she never loved him but then I came around and she said she couldn't leave dad with me around. She still wanted to give me a good life and being alone with her, she could not provide good things for me as education and decent food, warm bed and good health. So I shall say she tried too. in her way that is. Karma tried me on my loss for people I loved, and still love. Karma tried me on my strength and on my weaknesses. On my weaknesses............I tried but I don't know how good I was. At secondary school, I wanted to come out that i am being a male, but being in all girls school and one male is there alone..............a normal man would call it fucking big heaven, A normal boy would be in half heaven and half hell. But for me it was HELL. In that hell for 5 years wearing skits, and having to change with other girls and still confused about my orientation was the BIGGEST SHIT HOLE i ever been. LOL. But I managed to make a best friend with 3 girls that are Tunisian and nice black colored skin and beautiful dark brown eyes. They became like a sisters but never trusted them with my secret. Manel (1st child) which is 1 yr older than me, Maali, (2nd) which turned out like a true best friend and Mona (3rd child) she is nice and shy, weird but she got her niceness =) . Then in my class I got a sweet friend which was hard to get by cause i was such a douche myself. I never wanted to make much of a GIRLfriend as i never trusted girls.



Mind you if i say girl friend does not mean lover LOL. means a friend. English is funny. Well my classmate was Lara and she was small, plump and very white skinned yet very friendly and talented. Loved and still love Rock music and rap. her fav was Eminem, Nirvana and limp bizkit or how you spell it. Loved anime as well and great in cooking and in computer skills. She is a chef today and I am very proud of her. In work as my first job was a cashier and when it comes to subtracting Fuck I suck as hell LOL I admit in math I am a retard. even on simple shit =( well I can't be good in everything. I have to suck in other things too.

I was good in languages and that helped in my job. I was fast learner in that at least specially i knew how to flirt without even knowing i did. =P I managed to get customers to like me very fast. I worked in a hotel, so foreigners were guaranteed, and i worked them well to like me. Just being all me but super hyper and smiling all the time. take it all in and take it out when i finish my work. Alcohol and cigarettes and girls girls girls and boys too. I was a player those times. I used them. Nothing to be proud. I am not bragging. I am simply admitting my bad faults. I used them cause my family picture was cracking badly from mother's side cause dad never wanted to leave.



I hated my job. I hated my colleagues cause I came in with dad's help and the director but that does not make me spoiled fucker to get what i want. NO. I was not served extra money from the director. I was being paid normally and normal salary too. I worked hard to get them. I just knew my thing. I knew what tourists wanted. Smile on the face, happy waiters + great service X bit of self entertaining as a bonus treatment = happy customers = big tips as my bonus = customers 80% will choose the same hotel. I had met an Israeli guy from a hotel near where i worked and taught me that himself and all i needed was to find out what they liked. I made them happy. The tourist were the only reason I was happy to go to work. I loved my directors indeed, just hated my colleagues. But why hate? today I had enough hating. I am tired hating. No reason to hate cause it makes our lives miserable. Makes ourselves drained and empty in the end. I done things that I shouldn't have done but look how I became now. I never wanted to live but i met the most wonderful man in the world, though it sucks we are far from each other so much in country matter LOL cause i want him near me, but we are close in mind and heart. If he reads this, he knows who he is. I don't need to name him.



If i never lived more I wouldn't know that dad was trying his very best to come at me and getting to know me better. I would not have appreciated what he had done for me. I could not see it. I sure made him pass through one shit after another and i am so sorry for that. But if i did not done that I am afraid I have a still long way to realize things with him and it might have been too late to realize eh dad? =P Mother as i said got still a long way to know me better. she is sick and not stable at all. when she comes clear maybe MAYBE i would have a chance to know mum better?

Maybe I am stupid in hoping to get mum love one day. I do want to strangle her many times like i would strangle a damn chicken but she is my mum. She gave me life. Thanks to her i got to meet toughest shit in life that got me maybe stronger? that made me meet wonderful people and those who hates me today.

I wanted to learn to forgive and see positive side. I got a stalker behind my ass and is dangerous as hell, but hey, Maybe this is a test of my strength or weakness? I don't know. But I wont give up.

I am loving life bit by bit. I am really starting to love it thanks to the people who gave me life, people who stood near me and tried to put me in the right road but in the wrong way, still i chose mine to see where it takes me. But i still thank them.

I thank my very best friend for staying by my side the best he could. I can't live without him at all. I am addicted to him. He is my only drug. Well I still love pot LOL makes me funny and silly hahahahaha and takes my physical pain away faster than any pain killer pills out there, but hell why is it so fucking illegal?

But I love my best friend to bits.

I love my dad ♥, my mother♥, my aunts and uncles and all my cousins♥. My fav are Gillian and her Brother. =P really brother and sister they are haha but so awesome. ♥

And i love you my precious friends. ♥



C.J. —

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Jamex Black, Julienne Azzopardi, Emma Marie Smith and 9 others like this.

51 of 176



Jason Lee Bartlett :Love u 2z

Wednesday at 23:02 via mobile · Unlike · 1



K.J. Daw: well written CJ : )

Wednesday at 23:07 · Unlike · 1



Jason Lee Bartlett: I believe all u write cj

Wednesday at 23:09 via mobile · Unlike · 1



C.j. Black: its how i feel Jason Lee Bartlett its how i see things. I want peace in life. And i want to give peace to all others although i can't but i can forgive those who caused me harm.

Wednesday at 23:16 · Like · 1



C.j. Black: I want to forgive who insulted me

Wednesday at 23:16 · Like · 1



C.j. Black: who abused me

Wednesday at 23:17 · Like · 1



Sharon Rose Micallef: Good on you girl:) You re waking up.take care

Wednesday at 23:18 · Unlike · 1



K.J. Daw: dont be so hard on yourself ....the hardest thing to do is let go of pain and to forgive ...you look human to me!!

Wednesday at 23:19 · Like · 1



C.j. Black: eh i am trying and i will keep on trying

Sharon Rose Micallef but its not easy for me but i will keep on trying

Wednesday at 23:19 · Like



C.j. Black: thanks K.J. Daw

Wednesday at 23:20 · Like · 1



Jason Lee Bartlett: sharon, hes a boy

Wednesday at 23:27 · Unlike · 2



C.j. Black: yup a guy. thanks Jason

Wednesday at 23:28 · Like · 1



Trez Laffey: Bless you brother, you will find great peace in life

Wednesday at 23:30 via mobile · Unlike · 4



C.j. Black: i hope i do and i hope everyone does

Wednesday at 23:31 · Like



Trez Laffey: one who moves on from an abusive past gains great wisdom, I know that from experience.

Wednesday at 23:33 via mobile · Like · 2



Sharon Rose Micallef :Tara you will be whatever you are as far as I am concerned but until you get the op... well, we ve known eachother for long enough and you know what I think.I will not stand corrected until I am absolutely certain.

Wednesday at 23:41 · Unlike · 2



Jason Lee Bartlett: Omg its not a phase sharon. Educate yourself. His name is cj so get used to it.

Wednesday at 23:50 via mobile · Unlike · 4



Shane Jason Watson: Sharon, you do not have to have the physical parts to be either a man nor a woman. It is your brain that is your sex. I am not sorry I am butting in because people like you need to understand that your physical appearance is not what makes your sex known as gender. I haven't had any of my surgeries yet and I AM A MAN. My brain is what tells me I am a male just like every other FtM or MtF. L.G.B.T.Q... was born the way they are.

Wednesday at 23:51 · Unlike · 7



Jason Lee Bartlett: I blocked sharon. She was ignorant. I'm ftm as well.

Wednesday at 23:53 via mobile · Unlike · 4



Travis Miller: Unfortunately for you, Sharon, you can't dictate what Ciaran's gender is. You can keep calling him 'her' and using 'Tara' as his name, but it makes you look rather dumb. It's 2013. Educate yourself already.

Wednesday at 23:54 · Unlike · 4



Shane Jason Watson: By the way C.J. I like what you wrote man.

Wednesday at 23:55 · Unlike · 1



Travis Miller: LOl you're right Shane, C, what you wrote is leaps and bounds ahead of where you were just months ago. I am very proud of you. Great work.

Wednesday at 23:56 · Unlike · 3



Shane Jason Watson: Thanks man. I appreciate it. I think we all have our days where we feel like we can no longer stand on our two feet and sometimes we need to reach out to others like us to have confirmation that we are ok as we are. I love each and everyone of our fellow L.G.B.T.Q... friends and family. We are family somehow. I am glad to have such wonderful people in my life that is full of nothing but acceptance and love.

Yesterday at 00:00 · Unlike · 3



Travis Miller: well said.

Yesterday at 00:01 · Unlike · 3



Shane Jason Watson: Thanks man. I surely appreciate it.

Yesterday at 00:02 · Unlike · 2

Trez Laffey: I hate cisgender people that refuse to accept where gender lies! It IS NOT about having a penis! Gender lies in between one's ears, not in between one's legs!! We are trans* And we are proud!

Yesterday at 00:07 via mobile · Unlike · 6

Travis Miller: I think it's really interesting though, the reasons some of these people come up with to be ignorant idiots. "You can't tell everyone that because it's dangerous." blah blah blah. nothing will change in this world if everyone stays tucked away in a closet. Raise your voice, let yourself be known. It's a god damn revolution!

Yesterday at 00:12 · Unlike · 3



Shane Jason Watson Amen Travis.

Yesterday at 00:14 · Unlike · 2



Trez Laffey: Ugh, what is it about arrogant cisgender people? Gender identity is psychological. Not physical. C.j. you keep being who you are man and follow my motto. Haterz gon' hate, but haterz never will have the knowledge to understand me. Push 'em to the curb, cuz this is my life and I deserve to live it in happiness and safety. I'm a man, because I say I am, and I'm the better man because I fought to get here and still fight everyday to be my own best man. Only I can say who I am. And I say it with pride and strength.

Yesterday at 00:15 via mobile · Like · 5



Shane Jason Watson: That is awesome Trez. That is a good one. I say stuff like that but not in those exact words. And, I do think that it is both psychological and physical because our brain doesn't match our bodies and our bodies don't match our brain. But, I do know that with certain people I have talked to that before I got on T, my Testosterone levels were higher than my estrogen. So I wonder if we are transgender because of our hormone levels. Now, I know that if it is that way people will say that we should take more of the hormone that we were assigned with. Like I am an ftm but because my estrogen was low I should just take more estrogen. But, honestly, I have always felt different. And, I am sure we all have a story to explain.

Yesterday at 00:19 · Unlike · 3



C.j. Black: she does not hate me. she has her own mind and as she can never change my thoughts i can't change hers. i forgive her. i forgive people who can't understand me. its true that there are many other fuckers who will bring me shit till i die about my gender, my orientation and all but you see, I will live up to my name and gender and to orientation and who i am. everyone does his or her best. live and let live, forgive and forget and move on

Yesterday at 00:20 · Like · 2



Shane Jason Watson: That is true to my friend. Good one C.J.. Although for me, if I don't get respect I won't give it. And for people who refuse to respect me or call me by mine name and gender, I move on from them. But, that may just be me.

Yesterday at 00:21 · Like · 4



C.j. Black: i am just so tired to get mad and angry. i am tired with never forgiving but for sure one thing. if someone attacks someone I love and someone i care then HELL AND REAL BLOODY HELL WILL GO LOOSE. it def would be another story

Yesterday at 00:23 · Unlike · 2



Travis Miller: ugh...im just in no mood today for the pathetically ignorant...i apologize.

Yesterday at 00:24 · Unlike · 2



Shane Jason Watson :Yea. I understand man

Yesterday at 00:24 · Unlike · 1



Trez Laffey: Yeah Shane, I'm intersex but I feel every transguy's pain because I still have it. I get judged and told I don't belong on the trans*masculine spectrum because of it. I thank guys like C.j. because they accept me for who I am. I'm still transitioning, being intersex doesn't change that. Peace brothers.

Yesterday at 00:26 via mobile · Unlike · 4



C.j. Black: peace

Yesterday at 00:27 · Like



Shane Jason :Watson Yea, well I accept you Trez. I know another intersexed person named Jenn. She is awesome. And I feel your guys' pain to because it must be just as hard as for us trans. But, No worries man, you got us as family and friends. That is why I love my girlfriend Emme, because she loves all of us for being us. Love you Emme. You are the best.

Yesterday at 00:29 · Unlike · 2



Trez Laffey: Here in my country I'm both Shane, because I'm transitioning. I still have to follow the same regulations. I keep transguys close to my heart, you'll all make it, we all will.

Yesterday at 00:36 via mobile · Unlike · 1



C.j. Black :today i weighed 118 kg. means i went under 120kg. i am succeeding in loosing weight yet i am managing to eat well again without feeling sick though i still have abdominal pain but its ok no more puking means something. i am doing all best i can to get back to health and keep loosing weight in the same time and also when i come to 80 kg i can do the surgery for my chest YAAAAAAAAAAY

Yesterday at 00:39 · Like · 1



Trez Laffey: Amazing work C.j.! Yay!

Yesterday at 00:44 via mobile · Unlike · 1



Gray Graham: You're going to suddenly weigh less after the surgery as well.

22 hours ago · Like



C.j. Black: good

22 hours ago · Like



Trez Laffey :Yeah, cuz the pain meds.

22 hours ago via mobile · Like



C.j. Black: its big ouch but worth our happiness guys

22 hours ago · Like



Gray Graham: No, because they are going to remove tissue from your body. Removing it will make you seem to lose more weight.

22 hours ago · Edited · Unlike · 1



C.j. Black: on my chest you mean right Gray Graham?

22 hours ago · Like



Gray Graham: Yep!

22 hours ago · Unlike · 1



Trez Laffey: No I mean the pain meds most likely will decrease your appetite because they give you constipation

22 hours ago via mobile · Unlike · 1



C.j. Black: oh thats not good. well if the pain meds is a morphine then...........I LOVE MORPHINEEEEEE

22 hours ago · Like · 1



Trez Laffey: Depends on the surgeon

22 hours ago via mobile · Unlike · 1



C.j. Black: i hope it gives me a damn morphine. i want that

22 hours ago · Like · 1



Trez Laffey: Research it brah, they typically use a mix of things. Again, depending on the surgeon and also the anesthesiologist.

22 hours ago via mobile · Like



C.j. Black :yup.

22 hours ago · Like



C.j. Black: i love you guys

22 hours ago · Like · 1



C.j. Black: i love you all

22 hours ago · Like · 1



Jason Lee Bartlett: Shane & Trez rock!

19 hours ago via mobile · Unlike · 2



Shane Jason Watson :You rock to Jason. And thank you man.

19 hours ago · Unlike · 2



Atom Bombhead :Conservative Religion: the notion that an all-seeing, all-knowing, all-powerful, universe-spanning God is interested in your genitals.

9 hours ago · Unlike · 3



Trez Laffey: Thanks Jason. So do you bro, we all do!

9 hours ago via mobile · Like · 2



Hannah Rice: I think everyone is entitled to their opinion.. and you guys BASHING sharon. is not okay... Get off your high horses. shut your mouths and move the fuck on.

3 hours ago · Like



Hannah Rice :And Travis.., You're letting your bulldog mouth over run your puppy dog ass.

3 hours ago · Like



Travis Miller: Ok, wow. to bring EVERYONE up to speed here, I will share the entire conversation I have today with Sharon and now with Hannah (whos input matters. no really.)



After saying what I did on this status, Sharon contacted me through private message:



Travis you need to educate yourself about this island,here everybody knows each other .they know your family your friends where you went to school and if you have a female physique and say you re a man they will Call you delusional not to mention victimization. One of my best friends is a trans and has been since before I knew her.( she was a man before she had the op) She gets shit from people to this day sometimes and looks and thinks like a woman( It has been over 20 years since she officially became female) if she looked like a man it would be a lot worse. If my friend tara /CJ thinks she should do the op by all means, but encourage her to set herself up for ridicule. Never... Now fuck off.



To which I have responded:



this isnt about trans bashing, this about you refusing to recognize him because of YOUR issues. you can try to justify your sad, brainless ignorance all you want. But lets break your comment down a bit, shall we?



"Tara" right off the bat, you refuse to call him by his name. a complete disregard to how he identifies. He is posting on HIS facebook. The people who are going to read it already know by now that he identifies as a man. By calling him 'tara', you are just fulfilling your own need to ignore.



'you will be whatever you are as far as i am concerned' this started off well, because this indicates you see him as a man, because that is what he is. 'whatever you are'. what he is is a dude. Then we get into this little bit ' but until you get the op..." so then it switches again to you completely disregarding Ciaran as the person he is. This is where your IQ plummets, I'm afraid. So gender, according to you (who, i assume, has absolutely NO certification on gender studies AT ALL, nor has more than likely never even read a book on the subject) gender is based purely on a penis or a vagina. Of course you are wrong. And being wrong isn't bad, it gives you the opportunity to be right! But you would rather be wrong and pretend youre right than to actually learn whats right. moving on.



"I will not stand corrected until I am absolutely certain." What does this even MEAN? stand corrected about what? newsflash, lady: ITS NOT UP TO YOU! Your certainty holds no basis what-so-ever on someone elses gender. Ciaran is certain. and as a friend, you should be there to support him during this time, because as you said yourself, the tolerance level on that shit hole island is slim to none.



what Ciaran is doing is braver than anything youve ever had to deal with and since you say you understand that, act like it! to change the minds of a majority, it takes a strong minority.



Here is a quote i think you need to ponder: 'Well behaved women rarely made history." Think about that. it takes loud people to bring about tolerance and peace. Trust me. Now grow up and support your damn friend! He loves you. and you are hurting him.



Sharon then blocked me.



Hannah decided to step in and you can read what she posted here, but she also sent me a nice little private message as well:



Right let me tell you something, you vile little shit.

i'm all for living your life however you want. and I’m more than sure you’ve heard the expression ‘everyone is entitled to their opinion.’ Perhaps you’ve even said it yourself...well I'm sorry You are not entitled to your opinion... not when you are BASHING my friend through an email... what you wrote was NOT alright.Unless Tara has Male genitalia and has her breasts removed she is not 100 percent male and in our "little shithole of an island" SHE IS NOT RECOGNIZED AS MALE... They'll accept her socially, if she's lucky but legally it's not accepted or recognized...I have nothing against transgender people, my bestfriend is transgender. I've seen how she is with men.. and with women. She literally hits on men constantly, rubs up to them, grabs them inappropriately and says alot of inappropriate things.. you know tara off of the internet... you have no idea how she is in real life, you have no connections other than the internet... You have no RIGHT to tell someone who has known tara for over 10 years to "shut up" and "move on" so get a grip.



And here is my rebuttal to you both.



This is not about legal recognition or social recognition. Being transgendered just is. It's a fact that Ciaran is a male. It's a fact that no amount of crying about it or name calling or swearing or foot stomping you do is going to change the fact that he is a male. You have been told many times that genitalia does not define gender. (And this is the ONLY argument I'm making here!) You ignore it. At this point, there is nothing else we can really say to help open your eyes to this reality. Living is easy with eyes shut. So keep on living your deluded little existence. You're both really sad people.

2 hours ago · Unlike · 3



C.j. Black: and Hannah Rice my friends who jumped in most of them are ftm like me so they know well. and travis know me best

2 hours ago · Like · 1



Hannah Rice :I'm a sad person for having my own opinion about things?

2 hours ago · Like



Travis Miller :No, you're a sad person for allowing your opinions to over rule fact merely because it doesn't go along with your 'ideas'.

2 hours ago · Unlike · 1



Travis Miller :opinions are fine. baseless, uneducated opinions are just noise.

2 hours ago · Unlike · 1



Hannah Rice :You're a sad person for having someone else's photos on your account claiming they're you.

(I found the real person, who's from Chile by the way.. and have spoken to him about your fake account.He isn't too happy.)

Ciaran's name is Tara.

Everyone here knows here as Tara. She has NEVER said to anyone here apart from Sharon and I that she is Transgender.

2 hours ago · Like



Hannah Rice: Says the one literally bashing people for their own opinions.. You cannot say my opinion is noise because you don't accept it.

2 hours ago · Like



C.j. Black: i did

2 hours ago · Like · 1



Travis Miller: BUT! The good news is that you have all the opportunity, right here and now, to learn and educate yourself.

2 hours ago · Like



Hannah Rice: Oh my god, Travis shut the fuck up.

2 hours ago · Like



Hannah Rice: How long have you known tara? Twat. Obviously not long enough to know what sharon and i know.



I'm not judging her for being happy.

I'm judging you for the way you've spoken to people because their own opinions

My close friend is transgender and so is my ex boyfriend...fact is.. she cannot have two lives.. one as tara and one as ciaran and expect everyone to accept her.

You're a useless twat who's stealing someone's photos and doesnt have the balls to reply to me in private..Instead you sit and call us "sad" because we don't agree with the way you think..

2 hours ago · Like



Hannah Rice: " The Devil can call it Scripture. "

2 hours ago · Like



C.j. Black AALRIGGGGGGGGGGGHT ENOUGH . I WANNA SAY SOMETHING NOW SHALL I?? I CAME OPEN TO WHOLEEEEEEEEEE PACEVILLE AND ANOTHER THING. MANY WHO dont know me as tara knows me as ciaran and even where i shop. ok???? I HAD ENOUGH TO BE ADDRESSED AS A GIRL CAUSE I LOOK AS A GIRL AND THOSE WHO KEEP CALLING ME AS A GIRL IS PISSING ME OFF. SHARON IS MY FRIEND AND I KEEP RESPECTING HER BUT I CAN'T DEFEND HER WHERE MY HEART IS BEING TRAMPLED HERE. SO HANNAH WATCH IT AND MIND YOU I AM CIARAN NOT TARA. TARA IS DEAD. DEAD I SAY AND NOTHING MORE. I HAVE HER MEMORIES AND THIS BODY AND NOTHING MORE. I AM A MAN. AND I KEEP RESPECTING SHARON IN MY WAY. SHE WILL UNDERSTAND BY TIME. AND DONT TELL TRAVIS TO FUCK OFF. HE KNOWS ME BETTER THAN YOU DO. MAYBE NOT AS SHARON. BUT SHARON KNOW ONLY TARA AND TRAVIS KNOW TARA AND CIARAN ON BOTH OCCASIONS CAUSE I LET HIM COME DEEP IN MY LIFE. I LOVE HIM AS MUCH SO PLEASEEEE

2 hours ago · Like · 1



Hannah Rice: AND also.. if you're going to sit behind your screen and think i'm judging ANYONE...



first of all,

I'm the grand daughter of a southern baptist preacher and gospel singer..The daughter of a religious U.S Marine and a roman catholic woman.. I have tattoos and piercings and i'm agnostic.. I've dated girls, boys and transgender.



I'm NOT BOTHERED BY THE FUCKING FACT THAT TARA, CIARAN, WHATEVER WANTS TO BE FUCKING MALE.. I DONT GIVE FUCKING SHIT.



Tara, you've lost my respect completely.

Sharon says call her. now.

2 hours ago · Edited · Like



Hannah Rice: Do i have to repeat myself? or does the point get across?

2 hours ago · Like



Hannah Rice: nothing else to say? Good. shut the fuck up.

2 hours ago · Like



Sonja Ahlberg: I don't want to intrude on all this bickering but perhaps you guys should do this in private.

2 hours ago · Like · 2



C.j. Black :i will call when i will calm down. its fine if i lost your respect hannah. i am really fine with that, you know why? cause for those who never understood me from the fucking start i doubt they can call themselves as friends. I am me. and that is all. who cares who've you been grand daughter to who? who cares. this is about i am moving on and i will continue to move on. tell sharon i need time to calm down and then i will give her a call. or tell her to call me herself and dont be so rude on my page

2 hours ago · Like · 1



Sonja Ahlberg: I don't know why but somehow I have been tagged in this discussion and I keep receiving notifications about it.

2 hours ago · Like



C.j. Black: sorry Son but i am pissed beyond pissed and hannah i do not recieve any commands from your typing

2 hours ago · Like · 1



Sonja Ahlberg: Well could you please remove me from this conversation. I'm being tagged constantly.

2 hours ago · Like



Hannah Rice: I don't give a shit.

2 hours ago · Like



Hannah Rice: You're "friend" Is fake. I have the real guy on chat RIGHT NOW.

2 hours ago · Like



Sonja Ahlberg :Later C.J.

2 hours ago · Like



Hannah Rice: Well done. SHARON say's call her.

Lol i don't want you to call me.

2 hours ago · Like



C.j. Black: Hannah Rice you are rude one. i am a fucking man and even if i dont have a penis i am still a man. stop acting like a cunt. and as i said i am real friend to sharon only. but at the moment its better that we stay a bit apart for now till she get used to the idea i am a man. and tell sharon to call me. she wants me then she calls me. when i wanted to talk to her i am the one to call her. now its her turn

2 hours ago · Like · 3



Manabu Sato: wth..?

2 hours ago · Like



C.j. Black nothing Manabu Sato i am being treated like a girl when i am a man

2 hours ago · Like



C.j. Black :although i dont have a penis

2 hours ago · Like



C.j. Black: and Hannah travis is real

about an hour ago · Like



Manabu Sato: i dont want to intefear just got fille dup notifications sorry to disturb

about an hour ago · Like



Hannah Rice: Here's an idea.. Get your head out your ass and pay attention.



I'm sorry. unless you have a penis.. You're not male... you have the "mental delusion of being male."

Secondly, don't call me a cunt..I'm one of the few people in malta who had had respect for you..My respect is one of the few that matters.



travis is not real, because the real guy is a photographer who i am speaking to RIGHT NOW. Injuranta.





Sharon said to call her now, please. thank you.

about an hour ago · Like



C.j. Black

nah its fine

about an hour ago · Like



Hannah Rice: Mela oqod hekk.

about an hour ago · Like



Manabu Sato: Hannah? you say Travis is not real?

about an hour ago · Like



Hannah Rice: He isn't.



The guy has just reported him to facebook.

about an hour ago · Like



Manabu Sato: wtf is going on here....!?

about an hour ago · Like



Thanasis Tachos: looks like a catfight to me...

about an hour ago · Like



Manabu Sato: thanks hannah but am blocked i cant answer back. do not consider it a rude behavior.

about an hour ago · Like



Hannah Rice: don't worry doll. xo

about an hour ago · Like



Hannah Rice: Nothing catty about it.

I'm looking out for Ciaran and the well being.. but i get called a cunt instead

about an hour ago · Like



Manabu Sato: can you add me? want to ask something please?

about an hour ago · Like



Gray Graham: C.j. you tagged everyone on this note, you can untag people too...

about an hour ago · Like · 1



Paul Vassallo · 9 mutual friends

So this conversation going on in the Facebook updates and thought I'd provide my two-cents, on the basis that there are several misconstrued arguments taking place.



First and foremost, Travis Miller is an imposter. I'm sorry, Tara. But this is true. I've been provided with evidence on this, as you can see if you care to browse the real Travis' (aka Gerardo) Facebook profile and deviantart profile, found here https://www.facebook.com/ewikock and here http://ewiku.deviantart.com/.



Secondly, Tara. Your name is Tara. I know many people who HAVE changed their names. I have no problem with this, because they did this to create a persona that reflected themselves. You have created this name on the basis that you are now a different gender. Which you are not, and which takes me to my third point.



I am very pro the minority groups. Anyone who knows me is aware of the fact that I speak up for gays, lesbians, colored people, transgenders, transvestites, you name it, I'll defend it. These people are downtrodden and they deserve our respect. However, I have not till now encountered a confident black man who wished to be called white. Nor a confident lesbian who wanted to be hailed as straight. And the same goes for the transgender. People who are transgender should not be afraid to admit it to the world. By all means, do so. However, do NOT try to perpetuate the idea that you are now a different gender.



Fourthly, the definition of a male and female (dictionary.com, people, go for it) does indeed indicate that the label of male and female is solely based on physical anatomy. You are NOT male, Tara. You are a transgender. I see no reason to hide from that fact, the life-choice was yours to begin with.



Finally, and I state this with great severity: Travis Miller, your description of Malta is insulting and appalling. You should be thoroughly ashamed of yourself.



That is all.

Gerardo Quiñones Flores

Works at Death StarStudied at Universidad Autónoma de ChileLives in Temuco, Chile

about an hour ago · Like · 1 · Remove Preview



Trez Laffey: Whoa, what is this? Hannah, you are a transphobe. I don't know C.j. in person but he is an amazing man, treat him with the respect he deserves. Anyone who says you can't be a man if you don't have a penis is an immature, unknowledgeable transphobe. Not to mention that cismen lose their penises all the time in battle and in accidents, does that make them not a man? Yeah, I thought so!

about an hour ago via mobile · Unlike · 2



Sonja Ahlberg: I'm going to make one comment about all of this and then I no longer want to be tagged AT ALL in any of your future posts C.j.. I am nearly 45 years old. I have battled with my gender issues since I was a child. It took me up until about 5 years ago to seriously start facing who I truly am. Gender is NOT between your legs....gender is in your brain. Our genitals don't have a bloody thing to do with the way we think...ONLY your brain determines that. Just like we are wired to determine our personality, our gender is hot wired into our brain as well. I came into this life fully believing myself to be male. It wasn't till I reached puberty that I came to the ugly realization that my body and mind were not connected properly. I KNOW who I am and what I am and it took a lot of pain and soul searching to get me to where I am today. I am very much male and I am FINALLY able to be open about that. I may not have the equipment downstairs but I certainly have it upstairs. For those of you that do not deal with being transgender...you do NOT know what it is like for us...do not judge what you cannot understand.

about an hour ago · Edited · Unlike · 4



Hannah Rice: You have no point in this.

I'm a transphobe but yet My bestfriend, Sasha, Is trans.. My close friend Michelle is trans.. and my ex is trans, my friend, Tox is trans... I'm bisexual but i'm a phobe?

you're just an idiotic swine with no point.

about an hour ago · Like · 1



Hannah Rice: A wise man once said

"It's like saying michael Jackson was white. He wasn't. He was black."

about an hour ago · Like · 2



Hannah Rice: Punto e basta

about an hour ago · Like



Trez Laffey: Oh just be quiet would you! The vast majority of C.j.'s friends here are part of the trans*spectrum, we have had our say, do I stand corrected brothers? Sisters? You don't accept us? YOUR problem. We are trans* and we are proud!

about an hour ago via mobile · Unlike · 1



Sonja Ahlberg: I hope I helped a little C.J.. I'm sorry that you seem to associate yourself with close minded and ignorant individuals. You are best to surround yourself with freethinkers. Listening to this kind of rubbish will only lead you to self loathing. K...I've had my say...try to have a good day. PLEASE do not tag me again...I'm to old and to mature for this kind of aggravation....Later!

about an hour ago · Unlike · 2



C.j. Black: well said Trez Laffey and me and trez are also gaymen

about an hour ago · Like



C.j. Black: proud too

about an hour ago · Like



Paul Vassallo · 9 mutual friends

Trez: I see no lack of acceptance whatsoever. On the contrary, both Hannah and I have pointed out our whole-hearted support for minority groups. My personal point was simply that having an operation to alter you physically does not change the fact that you are still, in essence, the physical gender you were born into. Gaining male sexual reproductive organs does not make you male. It makes you a male transgender. Having a male's mentality or mindset does not make you male. It makes you a male transgender with a male mindset. Which, and I repeat, is FINE BY ME. I do not have ANYTHING against transgenders. But get your facts straight. You are born a female, you can die a transgender, but not a male.





Sonja: Please see above. Also, to remove your tag from this group, simply click the small X in the top-right corner. Alternatively, use google and stop whining about a tag. You people and your insistence on getting techies to sort your shit out... Anyway, I'm getting sidetracked.





Tara: I hope one day you are TRULY proud enough to admit to yourself and those around you that you are NOT a gay man, but a respectable male transgender with a male mentality.

about an hour ago · Like



Gray Graham: There are only so many way to combine genes.



Just a point, why don't both pages have the same amount of security on them? Travis' page has quite a few public pictures on it while Gerardo's page has one picture visible to the public. How can you know if either is fake? Yes, I trolled both profiles. Do I care, no. I am mistaken for someone that lives in my town at least a couple of times a year. The people that make that mistake know that other person and have seen me around, but they see me in places where they can ask questions. I wonder if that other person is ever mistaken for me, or my twin...(?)

about an hour ago · Unlike · 2



Trez Laffey: Oh and Hannah? You think transguys aren't real? Guess what? Say what you like about me, but I'm intersex. I'm proud of it, and I'm proud that I've taken the steps that I need to, to be on my way. And yeah, I'm also gay. Say what you want. It doesn't change who I am or who I love.

about an hour ago via mobile · Unlike · 1



Sonja Ahlberg: Paul I was not rude or disrespectful with you please do not be so with me.

about an hour ago · Unlike · 1



Trez Laffey: And its not about being trans*. I was NEVER a girl, how dare you say so. Only I can say that. No one else. It is about being true to who you are. Believing in yourself.

about an hour ago via mobile · Unlike · 2



Paul Vassallo · 9 mutual friends

Sonja, I see no reason to act in any particular way towards you from the onset, you are an internet anon to me. Also, you were in need of aid. I provided it. If you find it problematic that I am irritated by your constant requests to be removed, it is because people like you clog up my days with I.T. problems that could easily be resolved by a quick Google search and I see that as nothing more than bone-idle laziness.

about an hour ago · Like · 1



Gray Graham: I grew up knowing that there was something different about me. The internet didn't exist then. I knew about drag queens as a teen. I was in my late teen's when I found out about MtF transexuals. I was in my 30's when I found out that there was such a thing as FtM's. I can look back and see that I've always had a male brain. My brain knows how my body should be. That doesn't change that I was born another way. I may never be able to correct my body but that doesn't change the fact that I was born with a male brain.

about an hour ago · Unlike · 2



C.j. Black: i might have a vagina and queen sized female breast but my soul is a man. and I love MEN and and even if you say travis is a fake i dont believe you. no matter how much you try to rub it in me but travis is real to me

about an hour ago · Like



Paul Vassallo · 9 mutual friends

Fine, Tara. Your soul is a man. An acceptable comment. Soul is the mental personification of your identity. Aka your mindset. Aka if you feel that your soul is a man, then you are under the mental delusion that you are a man. Thus the term is: I have a male mindset.



Fair enough. I could say that, in essence, I am a green turnip. I feel that I am a green turnip. Operations might eventually turn me physically into a green turnip. I might have the mindset of a green turnip. This never removes the fact that I am originally a male. Not unless I have every physical aspect that curtails to being a green turnip. And that, like a transgender operation, is impossible at present to accomplishment. I'd say the milestone at which transgenders can become full males and females is the ability to produce sperm and bear children, respectively. But that milestone has not yet been reached. Therein my point.

about an hour ago · Edited · Like



Sonja Ahlberg: Paul you are being an unpleasant ass and if my memory serves me well I did not request any assistance from you.

about an hour ago · Unlike · 2



Sonja Ahlberg: I have blocked Paul ("The Ass")..he needed to piss off in the worst way.((GRIN))

about an hour ago · Unlike · 3



Trez Laffey: Paul, like it or not, you're a hypocrite and a massive transphobe. And transgender is only 1 part of the trans*spectrum. Open your eyes. Because clearly you are blind to reality and can only see what your fogged mind allows you to.

about an hour ago via mobile · Unlike · 3



Hannah Rice: Trez Laffey Oh and Hannah? You think transguys aren't real? Guess what? Say what you like about me, but I'm intersex. I'm proud of it, and I'm proud that I've taken the steps that I need to, to be on my way. And yeah, I'm also gay. Say what you want. It doesn't change who I am or who I love.



When did i say that "Trans-men aren't real" you Dullard?

I just told me you my Ex was Trans. Female to male... thought he never called himself male.

And i didn't say anything about you. Lol You blubbering idiot.. Just turn off your computer and go to bed.



Have you read anything that either of us have posted?

We have nothing against the trans-world.

We are simply stating that you cannot be male if you were not born male, no amount of surgery, hair cuts or working out is going to change that.

I'm not going to judge any of you for your life choices but Trez and Tara... read what others are saying.

You're making yourself look like a fools.





Hannah Rice: /ˈintərˌseks/

Noun

The abnormal condition of being intermediate between male and female; hermaphroditism.

An individual in this condition; a hermaphrodite.



Doesn't make you gay.(Well... it can but depending on which side you lean too.)

about an hour ago · Like



Trez Laffey: ^^ I don't give a flying fuck what you think. You are a hypocrite and a transphobe. Goodbye.

about an hour ago via mobile · Unlike · 1



Trez Laffey: And I clearly stated that I have made the steps to be on my way. I'm an intersex transguy. Get over it. I'm also gay. Get over it.

about an hour ago via mobile · Like



Paul Vassallo :· 9 mutual friends

You people are obviously either incapable of reading complex English (your huge OMG TRANSPHOBE outcries seem to lean towards this) or simply not bothering to read more than the first couple of lines of a post. In either case, I do urge you to actually to actually read Hannah's and my posts before bothering to comment again. You really are out-of-sorts with what we're saying. Also, Gray Graham, I will not be removing any posts. I have not in any way been offensive. Please bother to actually READ my posts before contacting me about them again. .

about an hour ago · Like



Gray Graham: Trez, transsexual is one part of the transgender spectrum. Intersex is also part of the transgender spectrum. I'm glad you're proud to be you.



It's too bad that there are people that don't get what transsexual is. CJ is a transsexual. He was born in the wrong body. That doesn't make less than. It means he has to fight the rest of the world to be recognized as a man, esp since he hasn't had surgery or an official name change yet. You'll get there CJ! Keep fighting!

59 minutes ago · Like



Hannah Rice: You're an ignorant swine with very stupid ideas of what a Transphobe is.



Your argument is Invalid. Goodbye.

"get over it." Lulz.

59 minutes ago · Like



C.j. Black: same here i am a trans and a gay

59 minutes ago · Like · 1



Hannah Rice: Tara.. You aren't gay. How many times have you come up to me.. grabbing me and my friends and offering to "make us cum 20 times in an hour"





Gray; It's sad you think i do not know what Transsexual is.

You obviously think i didn't go to school... and yo...See More

57 minutes ago · Like



Trez Laffey: No C.j. you are trans* and you are gay. And Gray, I know that, hence why I always use trans*. Because it is a spectrum.

56 minutes ago via mobile · Unlike · 2



C.j. Black: whatever. you are gonna be blocked and i never touched people with force

55 minutes ago · Like · 2



Koiai Sato: Very quickly solve this mess. Your sexuality is your business- who you date and talk to is your business. If you continue to put these things out in the open, people believe it to be their business too and offer sometimes not so nice opinions on these...See More

55 minutes ago · Unlike · 1



C.j. Black: I agree mum

54 minutes ago · Like



C.j. Black: I blocked her

54 minutes ago · Like · 2



Gray Graham: It seems the moral of the story is be careful who you tell what to. What you say can come back and bite you in the ass. It's happened to me too. I hope we all can still have a good day/night after this argument.

53 minutes ago · Like · 1



C.j. Black: me??? i need some very strong tea to calm down

52 minutes ago · Like



Gray Graham: I could use something too CJ. Too bad I can't have what I want.

51 minutes ago · Like



C.j. Black: if i was near you i could offer you

50 minutes ago · Like · 1



C.j. Black: some good tea

50 minutes ago · Like · 1



C.j. Black: tea helps me calm down

50 minutes ago · Like · 1



Gray Graham: That's not what I want. Smirnoff Ice is what I want and there is more than one reason I can't have it...

48 minutes ago · Like



C.j. Black: work? or meds?

47 minutes ago · Like



Gray Graham Both...

47 minutes ago · Unlike · 1



Gray Graham: Oh, and then there's the reaction of my gut to bubbly liquids...

46 minutes ago · Like



C.j. Black: i know the feeling

46 minutes ago · Like · 1



Trez Laffey: Gray, don't stress about this. We had our say, our points were made. The fact that they weren't taken into proper consideration isn't our fault. But regardless, it doesn't change our views or morals. C.j. enjoy your tea if you so choose to have one.

45 minutes ago via mobile · Unlike · 3



Gray Graham: Trez, hope your afternoon is good.

44 minutes ago · Unlike · 1



Gray Graham: CJ, enjoy your tea.

44 minutes ago · Unlike · 1



C.j. Black: thanks guys. i will try. too upset at the moment

43 minutes ago · Like



Trez Laffey: Want to talk, I'm here. I understand also if you don't. Gray, I'll have a good day as it is 8:32am on Friday. You too, also have a good rest of your day and night.

41 minutes ago via mobile · Like



C.j. Black: love you bro

40 minutes ago · Like · 1



Gray Graham: Oops! I forgot what the time difference was right now. It's 6:32pm Thursday here.

39 minutes ago · Like



Gray Graham: I'm headed off to lunch soon.

39 minutes ago · Like



C.j. Black: here is thurs 30 past midnight

38 minutes ago · Like



Trez Laffey: You too brother. Ah, yes you're "lunch" times. Enjoy.

38 minutes ago via mobile · Unlike · 2



Trez Laffey: Ok.

37 minutes ago via mobile · Unlike · 1



C.j. Black: and guys thank you so much for defending me on the gender. I really am thankful brothers

37 minutes ago · Like · 2



Sonja Ahlberg: It's just fb mumbo jumbo. Switch off your computer, make some tea, put your feet up, lean back and have a mellow night.

36 minutes ago via mobile · Unlike · 2



C.j. Black; i will chat with travis then i shall sleep.

36 minutes ago · Like



C.j. Black: thanks Sonja Ahlberg

35 minutes ago · Like



Gray Graham: Try to relax. Things get better. They just get better in their own time, not when we want them to.

35 minutes ago · Like · 2



C.j. Black: indeed

34 minutes ago · Like · 1



Sonja Ahlberg: Yw

34 minutes ago via mobile · Unlike · 1



Trez Laffey: Peaceful sleep when you go brother C.j. and no problems.

32 minutes ago via mobile · Unlike · 2



Gray Graham: Sleep well CJ!

26 minutes ago · Like



C.j. Black: thanks guys. have a good lunch Gray Graham and have a great day Trez Laffey. Sonja Ahlberg if we meet we shall watch downton abbey and debate

23 minutes ago · Like · 2



Jason Lee: Bartlett Blocked paul and hannah. Do so too cj. U dont need their negativity.

4 minutes ago via mobile · Like



C.j. Black: i blocked hannah. if paul attacks again i will block him too,. i can't take it anymore. my heart was once strong and ferocious fighter but i seemed to be tamed by time and bad experiences ......i dont know. i am so mentally and emotionally tired Jason Lee Bartlett

2 minutes ago · Like · 1



Trez Laffey: Anyone who says you can't be a male/female without the surgeries and hormones and persists that we are delusional is a transphobe. Don't care what they said.

about a minute ago via mobile · Unlike · 2



Trez Laffey: C.j. brother, you will mend in time. Just be true to who you are hun.

A few seconds ago via mobile · Like

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