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MirrorOfTheSoul's Journal


MirrorOfTheSoul's Journal

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9 entries this month
 

Can’t breath anymore in my own water.

18:13 Apr 26 2013
Times Read: 496


Hello Everyone. I hope everyone is doing good? I wish I could just say the same way, but lately I am seeing too much,



How do you feel when you are living in a place where you are supposed to feel HOME and safe and protected and free to be who you are and do what you really feel like, but instead it feels worst than a prison? I am feeling kind of the same. Having a parent who is not in the right mind, always nagging and way too much or better way to say it, OVER CONTROLLING, and does not let you breath? When you go out even in the rain, you can really breath in sort of way, but yet again still can’t breath cause people outside still do not know to mind their own business. I can’t go in the bathroom and take all the time I need or want to. He does not need to use it anyway. I can’t sleep to my own extended time. Why?? Because if he wakes up, means everyone must be awake too. and he thinks of food from the time he is awake till he sleeps, he plan things and my own time too. He plan MY LIFE and MY FREE TIME, and also he try to control the time I should be spending outside even shopping or he nags with calls. One of the reasons I hate cellphones.



And worst of all I started to hate eating with people the reason is him. I do make weird rude noises when I eat and all. I munch loud and I never cared munching but having someone nagging me all the time even how to eat, or what to eat and all is soooooo aggravating and driving me over the edge. Really, these are the very reasons to wanting to leave a controlling person but more reasons to leave an OVER – CONTROLLING person. As long as I live I refuse to go out with people, cause I hate being nagged or judged by how I do things and move around or how to breath. I don;t think I ever want a partner in my life or to live with someone. or even dating. It made me paranoid with all these stuff he been nagging on me all the time.



I am in my home, and I can’t breath. I am outside and I can’t breath. Well when I get to live in my own apartment, No curfews, No visitors, or guests are allowed and also I will do and be who I want to be, eat, sleep, messing around with my art stuff and creations, do meditations using oils and incenses as much as I want to, and also using the bathroom to whatever purpose at what time I want as well.



I WANT TO BREAK FREE FROM OVER-CONTROLLING PEOPLE.



No friends to go out withNo lovers and No dates,

Yes for parties



and be free always. That is how I ended up and that is how will I continue to do. My mind is too tired as much as my soul and my heart.


COMMENTS

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HallowsEVE
HallowsEVE
19:57 Apr 28 2013

I feel the same in so many ways.... My palace is my prison... (((( HUGS))))





 

this is what i get if i open up my feelings

13:17 Apr 22 2013
Times Read: 503


everyone can be extremely depressed and sad and tempt to suicide, everyone would love to be heard then why i can't too? this is what i get for saying what i feel. that's it. I won't say anything anymore. i will unfriend everyone on my facebook.





Mark Dean As u can see I have send u the telephone numbers and fax numbers from south africa to ireland of a psychiatrist as I am pretty tired of your lame ass bullshit post. Get help. We are not dr here on fb. We have our own iussues and can't deal with yours aswell. If you feel so ugly and worthless, then get help. There is prof people that can help you. We are not going to give you any more time. Case closed.


COMMENTS

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PRIVATE ENTRY

16:03 Apr 20 2013
Times Read: 506


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08:36 Apr 14 2013
Times Read: 526


I am being cyber bullied again cause i am a transgender? grow up Maltese people and open your fucking mind will you? If I FEEL I am a man, I am one. Just because I do not have a crotch, and I got a twat, and breast does mean nothing. So instead of insulting me, contradict of what I feel and what I am, throwing me stones and poisonous words, yet I am a male.

instead of wasting your time in judging me, learn on the subject well. See your ugly souls in the mirror and adjust your fucking narrow sickened minded attitude and don't bother me again. + GROW UP AND GET A LIFE!!!!!!!!


COMMENTS

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deringerdan
deringerdan
14:05 Apr 14 2013

I say to hell with who ever said that .If they dont take the time to know you then they shouldnt judge you, I bet if I was in front of them face to face they wouldnt say shit.. They are just one of societys Ninny Babys who again was neglected as a child..





dabbler
dabbler
02:39 Apr 15 2013

If I was you I would have copied, and posted what was said.





 

19:48 Apr 11 2013
Times Read: 541


ok, On tomorrow nothing will happen. No party, no, dinner, nothing. I had fucking enough of you fake friends. Every time I organize something, no one comes and always with some stupid excuses. really if you are going to be my friend, act like a real one. I won't ever celebrate my birthday anymore. For some people like you its not a big deal but for me it is a fucking BIG DEAL and I had enough going out dining alone and drinking alone on that day. So do me a favor for those who do not know the real meaning of friendship fuck off right now and unfriend me. I do not want fake fuckers like you.



I had it. I do not blame friends who do not live in this country. They are far away and I never expected them to do so much for me but for those who live in this fucking rotten country? oh please.!!!!!!! so sick of you.


COMMENTS

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PRIVATE ENTRY

02:42 Apr 07 2013
Times Read: 548


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new bullying again cyberly and what he said on my wall fb

22:38 Apr 05 2013
Times Read: 557


new bullying words online again :



this is what he posted before i deleted him from my page.



cyberbully i saw you passed from my shop and you didn't stop talk to me ??? This is how you rape people on online ?? You really don't know me you are welcome to my show,, i'll show you with is a real show cause right now i want to f***** kill you ciaran stop the fucking bullshit i am not affraid of no one one you got that stop bullying me on cyber and on your wall i can see everything. Stay the f**** away from me i am seriosly pissed of at you. Sister help me pleaase help

23:25





life is taking over my life. born alone end there is no end.........................bdw i am against cyber bulying so stop the bullshit about me that i cyber bully you. I said i don't give a f*** and busy so let alone how much time i got to cyberbully you and who wants to cyber bully anyway, don't be ironic and stop flirting with me cyber faker f***** rapist on fb. You are the cyber bullyer stay away from my life hahah



now really I never sexually harassed anyone as i hate that. I am rather more of a loner but this was the time i received this. I blocked the person and just I am proud to be who I am. gay or bisexual, I am me. myself. no one can change that.


COMMENTS

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02:15 Apr 02 2013
Times Read: 568


I am going to admit one thing. Death is a very beautiful thing. Part of life, nothing to be scared of. Everyday I dream how am I going to die, or which is better way to die? I do not want to get till 40+ of age to die. Why not die younger? more to add I am tired and drained and extremely sad, in this life. I tried to turn this and that but nothing. No damn fucking peace is available to me. what the fuck???? really I am suicidal, been like this since when? when I was 12, I guess. I found out that not even praying to gods or what so ever can make me feel peace within myself. There is nothing but anger, and hate.

I tried to let go, I tried to be patience telling myself when I grow up it might subside itself and get lost a bit but the more time passes the more mad I become. Medicine. OK I take medicines that psychiatrist told me to daily but really they just make me tired and drained and less focused. Why can't I just die? Why is it a big deal for fuck sake? I can only feel peace through death. Life is beautiful, wonderful and bla bla bla and other full of fucking shit. if you see life wonderful, keep it to yourself. I dont give a shit of your optimism and to me never done anything good being alive. give me a very fucking good valuable reason why I must live when I can't feel no peace at all?????


COMMENTS

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hannahrose
hannahrose
07:42 Apr 04 2013



IF YOU WERE TO DIE I WOULD REALLY MISS YOU AND I WOULD BE SO VERY SAD. YOU ARE SUCH A LOVING AND KIND PERSON AND THE WORLD IS A MUCH BETTER PLACE BECAUSE YOU AR PART OF IT AND I AM A BETTER PERSON BECAUSE I KNOW YOU .




 

PRIVATE ENTRY

12:31 Apr 01 2013
Times Read: 572


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