What Would You Do?
22:51 Jul 20 2007
Times Read: 603
What would you do if you were moving half way across country and leaving the one you love most behind?
How could you stop the pain?
Or stop all the tears from falling?
What would you do for the one you loved?
Would you tell them you loved them with everything you have and ask them to wait for you?
Or would you tell them you don't love them anymore and hope that they'll stop caring and stop hurting too?
The confusion is too much.
The pain is becoming more unbearable, but yet I know it all too well.
I don't want to go on without my love.
But I know that in order for them to be happy, sometime you must let it pass.
I have this gut feeling that I will never see them again.
And I have the urge to just kiss them and tell them it will all be over soon.
What would you do to stop this agonizing pain of reality?
Would you end it now with the simple pull of a trigger?
Or with the slightest cut of a blade?
Would you go through the trouble of letting them know you cared?
Or would you just run away in hopes that they'd forget?
This confusion is known too well.
And yet I still have no idea where it's taking me.
Life seems to be just a riddle,
A game of torture and pain that God plays with me.
What would you do if you were moving half way across the country and leaving the one you love most behind?
-Millie Allen 7-14-06
I Miss You22:49 Jul 20 2007
Times Read: 604
I miss you so much.
I miss the nights I fell asleep in your arms,
The sweet kisses I stole every chance that I could,
And even the times that we were apart.
I tried so hard to keep your mind on me,
I wanted a change.
And that change was you.
But under my nose things started happening,
Things I didn't want to deal with once again.
I miss the talks that we had,
I miss all the honesty.
I thought you trusted me,
And I thought I could confide in you.
But things came spiraling down on me like a ton of bricks.
I've had two months to think on all this.
And I think I've come to my conclusion.
I miss the times we spent together.
But you only miss the ones with her.
So now I'll say that I miss
Him.
I miss his touch,
And his soft kisses.
I miss the time I had with him.
All I have to say is that I missed you.
Point blank,
It's done.
No more pain and no more worries.
I have no concern for you,
Or what you do.
Just leave me alone and stop loving me.
That's what you want me to say, right?
Well, there you go,
I just said it for you.
All I need to say now is I missed you and that's it.
-Millie Allen 7.27.2006
Randomness22:48 Jul 20 2007
Times Read: 605
As it twists and turns, it takes you through hell. You can't stop it no matter how hard you try, it just goes on and on in it's continuous drowning swirl.
It will suck you in one way or another, and all you can do is wait. Hope is all that keeps you afloat, but once you falter it's all down hill.
As the saying goes "Life's a bitch, and then you die."
How on earth did that ever come about?
This thing is like a black hole, everything that enters will never return. This shit sucks, it honestly does.
I can't wait fo it to cease its action on me. But I know deep inside that it never will. Eveyday I wish for something new, everyday I wish for some bit of change. But this is just one idiotic continuous trail of choas that I must live through.
And the oddest thing of all is that I have no idea what it truely is. In an way, shape or form could I even begin to describe it.
All I know is that it's there and it already has a grasp on me.
-Millie Allen
4/1/2007
My Thanks To You
22:48 Jul 20 2007
Times Read: 606
-My Thanks To You-
I hated it at first,
I do admit.
But after all the times I thought it was so horrible,
I realized how much good actually came of it.
I love you all with my heart and soul.
I miss the times we walked down the main road after work,
I miss spending time at the Dippel doing absolutely nothing,
The days went tried staying awake in church,
Wednesday nights going to LOFT,
I miss it all.
It's too late to turn back now,
But I can still hold on to the momories,
And the ones I loved.
I hate knowing that most of us have lost contact.
And I thank those of you that are still around.
A time will come when we are all together again,
And hopefully before we meet in Heaven.
I thank God every night for all the amazing people he brought into my life,
And every one of you are included in that prayer.
I miss the nights sitting up talking to my roommates.
It was such fun talking about nothing,
and yet about everything.
I miss being around the people I care so much about.
Everytime I think about them,
I almost start to cry.
I have done some pretty idiotic things in my life,
And have most likely hurt and betrayed the ones I care for in some way or another.
So this is my apology for all that I have done wrong,
And this is my way of letting the ones I care for know that I love them with all my heart.
I hope you can find it in your hearts to forgive me for leaving and seeming to turn my back on you.
We only have one chance at this,
So lets do what we can to make things worth while.
I may not have been there before,
But here I am now.
Let's make things right and not give up on what we believe in.
Once again,
I thank you all for showing me what true friends are,
What God can do in one person's life,
And what it's like to have friends in far away places.
I love you all with everything I've got,
God blessed me with the best lessons while I resided at Boys Ranch.
-Millie Allen 10-1-2006
This to to every person I met while I lived at Boys Ranch, Tx. And if you read this, thanks for the time. I love you guys and I want everyone to know what great friends I have beside me now.
Mean Bean?
22:47 Jul 20 2007
Times Read: 607
Everytime I see your photograph, my heart starts to race.
What the hell is wrong with me?
What did I do to deserve this feeling?
I'd rather be a heartless bitch than deal with confusion.
I adore talking to you.
You have such an intelligent mind, far more superior than my own.
And I hate that. I hate it with a fucking passion.
Why do you even bother with me?
Why even greet me?
I would say you disgust me, but that would be a lie.
I could say I never felt a thing, but that would be a lie.
I could say that I always try to catch your attention.
That I'm always hoping that I'll see you soon.
I disgust myself.
I dispise my own being.
I already know you're going to love the fact this is about you.
And I could care less.
This is just another way to boost your esteem,
And to lower mine.
I'm starting to quiver, how lovely.
You are the one to blame for this.
All respoonsibility should be on you, but that is an overstatement.
Screw you and your puny little life.
And damn me to hell for the thought, and for the lie of it all.
Have your fun with me while I'm still sober within my own memory.
All I want is for you to take control and put an end to these feelings.
These damned emotions.
Millie Allen 7/3/2007
COMMENTS
-