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He ended up telling me that he loves me...



How we went from possibly breaking up to "I love you," I don't know. But I'm not complaining. :)



He asked me last night if I get butterflies when we say it.



I wish I could've said yes, but I just don't. It makes me smile like an idiot, though.



But he gets butterflies.



Is something wrong with me?

I don't like myself most of the time. It's been that way for years now.



But when I'm with him, I'm happy and I actually like who I am...



I can't figure out all this fighting lately, though; I know a lot of it (most of it) is me... But isn't some of it him, too?



He's done things that I would say most people would do deliberately to hurt me, but I know that's not the case with him.



What do you do when you ache from holding in the words "I love you" around someone...



What do you do when the only thing you seem to look forward to in life is seeing them, holding them again? When you know you can get through another day because it's a day closer to being with them?



What do you do when that person thinks you've changed and for the worst? When they seem okay with the notion of deleting you from their life?



What do you do when everyone you talk to tells you not to let go of that person? What do you do when that person wants to let go of you?



What do you do when you know that if your heart breaks, it'll take the rest of you with it?

The thing about being here is that it's so damn lonely. I think that's part of the problem with my potential (although not likely) moving situation in the future... It would be too lonely just to move away.

My boyfriend would never move around with me because he's too obsessed with his family (I'm not saying that's bad--being family-oriented is good, to a point). I would love to be able to go live different places for short amonts of time to experience the world and...life.

I just don't think it's ever going to happen.